


Forever Parabatai

by RandiGirl17



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-10
Updated: 2014-10-07
Packaged: 2018-02-16 20:02:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 68,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2282790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RandiGirl17/pseuds/RandiGirl17
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It begins with Alec's reaction to his breakup with Magnus, then a series of twisted events lead to Alec's abduction, torture, revival, and demonic possession. Who will be left standing? Told from the viewpoints of Alec, Jace and Magnus.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Forever Parabatai

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, everyone! So I've decided to upload my most popular (not to mention my very first) fanfic from FanFiction.com. It's quite a lengthy piece of work, but I hope the intensity will keep you readers entertained. For the record, this story was ended and then restarted four times; however, it is completely finished now. In case you were wondering about some of the chapter endings. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this story! Please feel free to leave comments! :)

"I don't think this is such a fantastic idea."

Clary came to a halt in front of the closed door and turned on her heel to face me. "He's been in there for _days_ , Jace. How do we even know he's alive? What if a bear crawled in through the window and mauled him?"

My frigid stare made her shrink away slightly. I would never tell her the noises I heard coming from my _parabatai_ 's room; fists pummeling the wall, glass shattering and occasionally muffled sobbing. Some nights I wondered if demons were actually ransacking the Institute, as opposed to the tortured soul desperately searching for a way to ease some of the pain. I tried to force some of the worry away. Boys will be boys, and what better way to make oneself feel better than kicking the crap out of something?

I casually shoved my hands into my pockets and leaned against the doorframe. "And I suppose this bear was trained by ninjas and stole Alec's wallet while he was at it?" When Clary glowered at me I continued, "He just wants to be left alone, Clary. We need to give him space."

"We've given him space," Clary sighed, exasperated. "He's been alone in his room too long. Bad thoughts go through a person's head when they're alone, especially if that person has a broken heart."

"Oh, not broken. Try ripped to pieces, stomped into the ground, burned then eaten by --"

"Jace," Clary interrupted. "Please. Just try to talk to him."

Any ounce of stubbornness in my body was lost in her pleading green eyes. I relished in the fact that not only was this young woman, whom was mine to kiss and hold and protect, stunningly beautiful, but she was also compassionate about the well-being of others, especially those that I cherished.

"If you don't go in there right now," Clary said, snapping me out of my reverie, "I will see to it that ten ravenous ducks are released into your bedroom while you sleep."

"Clarissa Fray!" I gasped, outraged. "You wouldn't dare."

"I would."

My shoulders sagged in defeat. _Damn all the ducks in existence._ I crossed my arms in a final display of defiance. "Fine. At the risk of having my charming face bashed in, or getting an empty whiskey bottle tossed at my head, I will go into that room; however, I do have one condition."

Clary crossed her arms, mirroring my boldness. I took a step forward and pulled on the hem of her t-shirt, tugging her closer to me. With expert skill I pressed my lips against hers and pressed my body hard against her. I heard her satisfying moan as my tongue explored her mouth. Smiling against Clary's lips I pulled back.

"I think you know what I want."

Her eyes were glowing, sparkling with a fire that had been ignited inside of her. "I think I do," she said breathlessly.

"Good." I put more distance between us, more for myself than for her. "Have hot towels ready for me."

Clary's brows furrowed in confusion and her head tilted to the side slightly, like a puppy trying to figure out how to earn a treat.

"For my foot massage," I verified. "I'm not going to walk around with massage oil on my feet, am I? A hot towel to wipe them off after you've finished would be splendid. I should warn you though, my feet have been stuffed inside my sweaty sneakers all day, and my socks...well, I'd advise you to wear gloves and a mask when you peel them off. Have a hazardous waste bucket at the ready. Another day of wearing these and the angels might actually start gagging."

Clary shook her head, but not without an amused grin. "You are foul, Jace Wayland. Now go. Alec needs you."

No use in procrastinating any longer. I raised my hand and lightly knocked on the door. No answer. I glanced at Clary and with a sweeping hand gesture she motioned for me to go in. I knocked again, louder this time and hesitantly pushed the door open, as if the flames of hell were waiting for me on the inside.

"Alec? It's Jace. I'm coming in." I stepped into Alec's room, smiling at Clary's encouraging thumbs up before closing the door.

Silence greeted me, so I took the opportunity to survey the room. Disarray was too tame of a word to describe the mess. Smashed framed photos were cluttered in the corner, clothes were strewn across the floor, the curtains were drawn, but the slashes -- most likely from some sort of blade -- that covered them still filtered in light. I tried to suppress my alarm as I stepped by a heap of bloody bandages on the floor.

"Did a little redecorating, did we?" I kept my voice expertly light and steady.

Still no reply. I would have turned around then and walked out if it wasn't for the body-shaped lump underneath the blankets on the bed. Most likely a black-haired head was hiding under the mound of pillows. I approached the side of the bed, hands clasped behind my back.

"Marco," I said, waiting for the muffled, "Polo."

No such luck. I reached my hand out to yank away the blankets but thought better of it. With a slight exaggeration I cleared my throat. "Is Alexander Lightwood in, or do I need to leave a message?"

More silent treatment.

"Alec, get up or so help me I will jump on your bed."

Finally there was a hushed response. "Go away, Jace."

"I'm sorry, Mr. Mattress. I was not talking to you. I would like to speak to Alec, please, whilst looking at his face while he looks at my striking magnificence."

Again, there was no movement or reply. I waited patiently at first, but before long the temptation was too great to resist. With fluid movements I stepped up onto the mattress and began hopping up and down, focusing all my energy on pushing off to shake the mattress as hard as possible. To my complete satisfaction the pillows began to tumbled onto the floor as Alec flailed to get free. He disengaged from the entanglement of blankets and flipped onto his back to glower at me.

"By the Angel, Jace --"

"Good morning, sunshine!" I landed back on solid ground with a light thud. "I love the just-rolled-out-of-bed look you've got going on."

In truth, I hadn't seen Alec look this horrible since he'd been sliced open and poisoned by the Greater Demon Abbadon. His hair was shaggy and disheveled, his pallor alarming and his eyes, rimmed with red and sunken in, were dull, like murky water.

"Stop it," Alec hissed, his voice clipped. "Just leave me alone."

"When was the last time you ate?" I demanded, growing tired of this childlike game.

"None of your business." Alec set his head back down on the remaining pillow and shut his eyes. Both his hands were hidden underneath it, rousing my suspicions.

"Stand up," I ordered.

Alec's eyes snapped open again, but he remained unmoving.

"Stand up _please_."

His eyes remained on mine, challenging me, and his body still. His lack of training would have made him rusty, and I decided to use that to my advantage. Lightning fast my arm struck out and snatched the object clenched in Alec's hand. He had barely opened his mouth to protest by the time I had the object in my own hand. I sagged with relief to find it was not a weapon Alec intended to use for self-harm. I held the blue cashmere scarf up and looked at my _parabatai_ in silent query.

"Apparently it, uh, matches my eyes," Alec's voice was strained and he was blinking furiously.

The scarf was rolled into a ball, so I leisurely unwound it, smoothing out some of the wrinkles. Alec made no move to stop me. Instead he swung his legs around to dangle off the edge of the bed and sat up, not straight, but slumped over. I continued uncoiling the scarf and when I came to the center I found Alec's cell phone wrapped up in the delicate material. My heart lurched. How many times had he tried to call Magnus?

"I didn't talk to him," Alec mumbled, as if reading my mind. "I almost did. It rang three times once but I chickened out and hung up. I wrapped it up and haven't tried again since."

"Alec, don't you think it's time to move on? You can't let this keep destroying you. Everyone in the Institute is worried about you. _Beyond_ worried. Isabelle is plotting to storm in here, put you in a straight jacket and force feed you her own cooking through a tube."

"The other day," Alec went on as if I had said nothing, "Church snuck in here somehow and sat on the bed staring at me. His eyes reminded me so much of Magnus's. I didn't know whether to kiss him or throttle him."

"I hate to say it but, either way, my money would have been on the cat. You couldn't expect to walk away unscathed if you had tried one or the other." I lightly punched Alec on the arm. He swayed more than I anticipated. He was weaker than I thought. The next time I saw Magnus Bane I would wrap my hands around his throat...

"Jace."

Alec's voice was smothered in agony. He was staring at his hands. I could almost feel it right then; the grief and the aching, both physical and emotional, were overwhelming. Surely it was ten times worse for him. I wished there was a rune to make it all go away, to make Alec himself again. I knelt down in front of him and tried to catch his gaze, but he kept his stare directed away from me.

In a voice almost too small to be heard, Alec said, "I don't think I want to live anymore."

Though I kept my expression blank, panic was surging through me. Part of me wanted to rush out the door and give Isabelle the go ahead with her straight jacket plan. Being in solitary confinement under constant surveillance like some sort of diseased animal wouldn't help, though. That would only make it worse.

Not knowing what else to do, I straightened and said gently, "Stand up."

Still refusing to make eye contact, Alec slowly pushed himself to his feet. He teetered unsteadily for a moment but quickly regained his balance. Without giving him a chance to recoil, I lurched forward and threw my arms around him. I embraced him with everything I had. My arms tightened around his thin frame, afraid he might slip through them and disappear. I do not know how much time had passed before I finally felt my _parabatai_ 's arms go around me. He clenched the back of my shirt in his fists, holding me there, and buried his face into my shoulder. Though he made no noise I could feel his tears soaking into my shirt. I held on tight, refusing to loosen my grip even slightly, and waited patiently for him to push me away. It was not my place to decide when the embrace would end. I wasn't the one being ripped to shreds on the inside.

The hands clutching the back of my shirt suddenly slipped away. Alec gently pushed my arms away and stepped back. He swiped at his eyes and tear-soaked cheeks almost angrily and whispered, "Sorry."

My brow furrowed, frustrated that Alec was angry at himself for hurting and showing it. "Look at me."

Those famous blue eyes finally found mine again, minus the light and confidence that once made them blaze.

"Don't you apologize. You didn't do anything wrong. You're a fighter, Alexander Lightwood, and a stubborn one at that. You can beat this and I'm going to do everything in my power to help you, but you've got to promise me that you will never give up on me. Promise me, Alec."

All he could do was give the slightest nod. I knew better than to try and force anything more out of him. I looked at the way his shirt hung too loosely on his body. "Do you want something to eat?"

Alec's eyes narrowed as he thought about it. "No. I'm just tired."

"Okay. We'll get some food into you later." I made a gesture towards the bed.

I didn't have to state that I wasn't leaving, and Alec knew better than to try and talk me out of it. He climbed underneath the blankets and collapsed against the pillow. I walked around to the other side of the bed and plopped down beside my _parabatai_. I remained seated upright and kicked off my shoes. So long as Alec stayed in this room, I stayed. I was his guardian, ready to fight anything for him whether it was his mother that walked through his bedroom door or a nightmare that plagued his dreams.

"Jace?"

Alec's back was toward me and his voice was so soft and fatigued I had to strain to hear him.

"Thank you."

"No need to thank me. I was born with this combination of charm and devilishly good looks."

The room was quiet for a moment before Alec rolled onto his back, his eyes closed. "Jace?"

"Hmm?"

Alec's mouth open and closed a couple times, as if he were struggling to fit the right words together. "I -- Would it -- Would you--"

It dawned on me then what he was asking. I was no longer oblivious to Alec's true feelings about me, not since before that night I kissed him. He had been afraid to tell me back then, and that was why his eyes were closed now. He was afraid of my rejection. Without another word I slid my hand under the blanket and found his. It was a private gesture where no one could see, just as Alec preferred it. My fingers laced through his and he gave a gentle squeeze, a silent thank you. I gave a squeeze back and watched him as his body relaxed and he swiftly fell into a deep sleep.

A million thoughts swarmed my head like a pissed off hive of hornets. What if I couldn't do this by myself? What if Alec purposely hurt himself while my back was turned? What if Alec did heal, but then Magnus came back and shattered him all over again? I glanced at my _parabatai_ 's face and the thoughts were lulled away by his hushed snoring. The healing process could only take place one step at a time. Alec was here beside me, alive and asleep in a temporary serenity, and that was enough for me.

My eyes drifted back over towards the door. I wondered if Clary was still standing out there, waiting eagerly for me return and tell her that I'd magically fixed everything. Life had been easy before I had stepped into this room. I'd kissed Clary and joked around with her as if this day was like any other. Now I didn't even know when I'd leave Alec's side. I was already missing everything about Clary: the sound of her voice, the soft caress as I wound a strand of her hair around my finger, the smoothness of her lips against mine as I kissed her. Alec was my priority now. I just hoped she was willing to wait indefinitely.

 _I guess I'll have to take a rain check on that foot massage_. I imagined Clary waiting outside the door wearing yellow rubber gloves and a safety mask over her face, a container in one hand with a red biohazard symbol.

I couldn't even muster the smallest smile.


	2. I Dream of Alec

I stood on the stairwell and glared at the buzzer. Part of me regretted leaving all my weapons behind at the Institute, but the temptation of actually being able to feel bones break beneath the blows of my fists was too good to pass up. I'd been biding my time for weeks; I had to wait for Alec to make some improvement -- namely making sure he could be alone without putting a blade to his wrists or throat -- before I could finally give Magnus Bane a piece of my mind.

Rolling my shoulders, I reached out and pushed the buzzer, holding it long enough to piss off the resident. No response. I wondered if the asshole was out on a date. Infuriated, I jabbed at the buzzer a dozen times.

" _What_?"

The answer caught me off guard. No "WHO CALLS UPON THE HIGH WARLOCK?" How odd. This voice didn't sound egotistical and slightly seductive. This voice was flat and tired, belonging to someone too exhausted to feel anything but hollow. _I wonder how many hookups he had last night_.

"Let me up," I demanded.

"And you are...?"

"A very pissed off friend of a friend." No point in tip-toeing around the obvious.

At first I thought he was going to refuse or just ignore me but then the door swung open. Before he could change his mind I stepped inside and stomped up the stairs to the second floor. The next door was closed but unlocked; I threw it open and stormed inside, slamming the door behind me.

Magnus was leaning against one of the tables, rubbing his temples. " _Must_ you make such a racket?"

I pointed an accusing finger at him. "I've got a bone to pick with you, Bane."

He looked less than amused. "Is that joke supposed to be funny?"

Unfazed, I continued to glower at him. "Do you have any idea how much damage you've done?"

"I really have no idea." Magnus cast his arm in a sweeping motion around the room.

I hadn't even taken notice of the condition of the room, or of Magnus, when I first walked in. The destruction wasn't as substantial as it had been in Alec's room, but it was still noticeable, particularly the black burn marks on the walls.

Magnus, himself, was quite a sight to behold. He rarely, if ever, left his place without having his hair perfectly spiked, makeup expertly applied and dressed in some absurdly glittery or sequined -- and no doubt expensive -- outfit. Yet here he was in front of me: hair down, messy, shaggy and unstyled; face free of any trace of eyeliner and clad in a baggy pair of gray sweatpants, slung low on his waist, and a plain navy blue t-shirt with STUNNER written in white letters.

"Do you know what you did to him?" I hissed, unsympathetic.

Magnus made an annoyed noise in the back of his throat and meandered over to the sofa, collapsing onto his back and draping his arm over his eyes. I followed him with my hands clenched at my sides. All he had to do was remove his arm from his face and I'd take a swing at him, though I'd prefer it if he was standing. I wanted to see what his face looked like covered in black and blue, and I didn't mean eye shadow.

"How could you be so selfish?"

"Shadowhunters," Magnus growled in contempt. "You never think you're the cause of the problem."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Don't judge the novel until you've read every page, Jace Wayland."

"Can the cryptic crap, Magnus," I spat. "Now before I beat you into oblivion the least you could do is give me an explanation and an apology."

Magnus's lips tugged into a grin, adding fire to my fury. "You came over here to threaten me? That's very cute. Tell me, why haven't you asked your _parabatai_ for an explanation?"

"Alec hasn't been in a talkative mood lately...or an eating mood, or a get-out-of-bed mood or even an I-want-to-be-alive mood."

That caught his attention. Magnus shot upright, his yellow cat eyes fierce. "He didn't try anything, did he?"

"Not yet, but it crossed his mind."

Magnus sighed and raked a hand through his hair, making it stand up on end. "That boy always had a certain fragility he didn't allow others to see. I'm glad he's not hurt."

"I didn't say that."

The icy sharpness in my tone drew Magnus's eyes up to meet mine. "You really want to hit me, don't you?"

I remained silent and instead clenched my hands tighter, enhancing the bulge of muscles in my arms. Magnus took no notice, which made me shake with rage. He got to his feet and clasped his hands behind his back.

"You're not going to hit me," he said simply, as if stating a fact.

"Why not? Are you pregnant?"

Magnus was wise enough to smirk. "You're not going to hit me, Jace, because you will not do so without taking a pounding yourself. And what happens when your parabatai sees you all bruised and battered? He's a smart boy, surely he'll suspect what happened. Then he'll do one of two things: he'll feel guilty for you getting hurt and those tendrils of darkness will grab his ankles and yank him back into the darkness you've been fighting to pull him out of, or he'll try to communicate with me. He might try to call me. Hell, he might even waltz on over here in person. Either way, the aftermath doesn't lead to a benefit on his part, does it?"

"He wouldn't try to contact you," I lied.

Magnus raised a brow. "You know he hasn't moved on, Jace."

"Have you?"

Magnus's body slouched slightly. He wiped a hand over his face as if he could rub away the obvious exhaustion that lurked there. "There won't be anyone after him," he sighed.

"So you haven't moved on either."

"I didn't say that," he objected. "I said there won't be anyone after him, yes, but I'm getting over him. I'm just...done."

Something suddenly occurred to me. "You haven't said his name." When Magnus stared at me blankly I clarified, "The entire time I've been here you have not once mentioned Alec by name."

His reply came without hesitation, "They say you shouldn't name the pets you're eventually going to eat."

"You're going to eat Alec?"

"That boy was nothing more than my pet. He's forgettable. He's nothing."

My fist was headed for his jaw barely after the words passed through his lips. Before it could make contact, my fist was entrapped in Magnus's hand. I swung my other fist at his stomach, but he blocked the blow and locked his fingers tightly around my wrist. I struggled to release myself from his grip, to no avail. I tried to kick his shins but my feet remained firmly on the ground. Blue sparks glittered under my boots.

"Damn you, Magnus Bane!" I snarled.

"Boy, I'm already in the deepest pit of hell!" He released me with a shove. "I can't say his name without thinking about him; the way he smiles, the way he smells, how brilliantly blue his eyes are when he first wakes up in the morning, the way he fits perfectly in my arms, the taste of his lips..." Magnus trailed off, gathering his thoughts. "The way he can do something to make me hate him so much I break up with him, but deep down I'm still undyingly in love with him."

Hostility ebbing, I asked, "What did Alec do to you?"

"He was selfish. He tried to change something that wasn't his to change."

I nodded even though I still didn't entirely understand. "He still loved you."

"I know."

The majority of my rage seemed to dissipate. Obviously I was not going to throttle the warlock today. All magic aside, it would give me an unfair advantage to fight him in his current condition, like kicking a kitten instead of a panther.

"Well this has been a rather disappointing smash-and-dash. I'd better go. Alec's probably had all he can handle of training for today."

Magnus escorted me to the door. Before I could step out I turned to him. "A word to the wise: I'd clean up all those empty containers. They attract rats."

"Jace Wayland!" Magnus gasped in mock admonishment. "That's no way to talk about Simon."

I started down the stairwell, but Magnus calling my name stopped me. I turned to look up at him. His eyes were blazing with a sort of feral protectiveness.

"Take extra care of Alec," he said, not hiding the concern laced in his voice. "Please."

I gave him a single nod and started back down the stairs. "I always have."


	3. Run

As if by their own will, my feet stopped outside the training room. It wasn't too late to turn around and march right back to my own room. No one would be the wiser. I hadn't made a vocal commitment to Jace when he told me he was going to meet me upstairs to train. He'd walked away before I could even answer, expecting me not to argue with him. I did owe him big time for taking care for me lately...but that was just it. Jace had barely left my side since I'd made my confession to him that night in my room. He gave me anything I needed, be it food, a laugh or a hug. Jace was my reason to smile again, my reason to get out of bed in the morning, my reason to live. Being next to him gave me comfort, but it also felt dangerous. My past feelings for Jace were being unearthed inside me. Was I really falling in love with Jace all over again, or was this just a bad case of Florence Nightingale Syndrome? Maybe I was just extremely grateful for all his support and nursing me back to health...or part of the way, anyway.

Either way, I couldn't elude Jace for the rest of the day. Sooner or later he would come searching for me, probably suspecting I'd be holed up somewhere with a rope around my neck. He'd revive me just so he could strangle me with his own two hands. No. Better to have him swinging a sword at me than to have him than have him leisurely sprawled out on my bed, his watchful eyes making sure I don't try to paper cut myself to death while reading a book. It was easy to be distracted by him that way. Training would erase all distractions from my mind...even if my partner was undeniably attractive.

Jace was pacing in the center of the training room when I entered. He was casually tossing a seraph blade into the air and catching it repeatedly. My silent appearance didn't seem to startle him at all; he smiled and kept a steady rhythm as if he hadn't been at all concerned that I wouldn't show.

"What are we doing today?" I asked, trying to put some enthusiasm into my voice...and failing.

Jace was unbothered by my lack of energy. "I thought we'd try a little one-on-one combat." He walked over to an extra seraph blade laying on the floor, picked it up and tossed it to me.

I caught it in one hand and inspected it. The weapon felt wrong and unbalanced in my hand, like holding a fork after spending hours holding an axe. I knew everything would feel right again once I started moving, but I felt no desire to spar with Jace. Just looking at him was proving to be trial enough. It was hard to ignore the shape of his arms, the powerful muscles in his back and shoulders underneath his t-shirt.

"I don't really feel up to it." I pointed with the seraph blade up to the beams close to the roof. "What about some balance exercises?"

With a grin Jace rested his own blade on his shoulder. "Alexander, are you worried about damaging this fine packaging? Because you shouldn't be. You'll be flat on your back before you can even touch me."

Typical Jace. Never doubting his skills for a second, and taunting others with his confidence. "I'm sort of lacking in the physical health department, Jace."

He nodded his golden head as he considered that. "One round. That's all I'm asking."

Jace had already seen me at my breaking point, but I felt as if refusing this would expose me as weak. I didn't want him to judge me for that. I needed to impress him, to show him I'd progressed.

I twirled the blade expertly in my hand. "Fine. One --"

Jace was rushing at me before I'd finished speaking. I barely raised my blade in time to block his. I hadn't even recovered before he was striking again and again, twisting his body to lash out at different angles. My agility and fluidity steadily started to return. Jace brought his blade down overhead. I parried the blow and shoved back with all my strength, throwing him off balance. I aimed a blow at his neck, which he easily defended against. He swung his blade out to my left side and I leaned to block it.

First mistake. Jace kicked out with his left leg. His boot connected with my right side, knocking me off balance and sending me crashing to the floor. I leapt back up to my feet just as Jace rushed at me again. I twisted out of the way and swung my blade at his back. The blade whistled as it cut through thin air. Jace was straightening out of his forward roll as I charged at him. He turned and rushed forward boldly to meet me.

I already knew what he was going to do. Sure enough, he slid to the floor without losing any forward momentum. One leg was extended in front of him, intended to catch my boot and trip me. Without missing a beat I leapt into the air, tucking my legs into my chest and executing a perfect flip before landing in a defensive stance: blade up and knees bent.

I already felt exhausted. Every muscle was already aching. Jace hadn't broken a sweat. He had a cocky smirk plastered on his face, knowing his victory was moments away. If I was going to defeat him, it would have to be now. Waiting much longer would only bring greater fatigue, and Jace would start to have much more fun.

My instincts took over. I'd trained with Jace long enough to know his moves, his reactions. I stayed rooted in my spot as he sprinted towards me. As adrenaline coursed through my veins his movements seemed to slow down, like he was moving through molasses. He swung his blade to cut across my torso. I dropped into a crouch, feeling a breeze ruffle my hair as the blade sailed over my head. Pressing my hands onto the floor for balance I kicked up and outwards with my leg. My boot hit Jace squarely in his chest. He ricocheted off and collapsed onto his back. I was standing over him pointing my blade at his throat before he could catch his breath.

I grinned triumphantly. "I win."

The landing had left him winded, but Jace's breathing was slowly returning to normal. "You cheated," he accused.

"I did _not_ ," I growled, gently kicking him in the side with the tip of my boot.

"Fine. Obviously, then, I let you win."

I rolled my eyes. "Just admit that I outsmarted you."

"Fine. You outsmarted me. You keep your useless brain. I'm still the beautiful one."

Jace's words triggered something inside of me. My eyes did a quick once-over of him. The hem of his t-shirt had lifted slightly when he fell, exposing his flat stomach. I stared at the curve of his hip bones where they peeked out from under his clothing. I didn't think Jace knew how truly beautiful he was.

My palms were sweating and my heart was pummeling my ribcage, but not from the exertion of the training. I tore my eyes away from Jace's exposed flesh, hoping he hadn't noticed my gaping.

He hadn't. He reached his hand up to me. "Help me up?"

I gripped his forearm and tugged him to his feet. His eyes looked unfocused and he swayed slightly. Head rush. When he regained his balance he looked at me and grinned, his eyes shimmering as he opened his mouth to say something witty.

My body moved by its own accord, like some other being had possessed me. I didn't even have time to think before I pulled Jace forward, still gripping his forearm, and pressed my lips to his. My head was screaming " _Stop_!" but my desire could not restrained. I continued kissing him, letting his warm, comforting scent wash over me.

Jace's grip on my forearm tightened, almost to the point of pain. My eyes flew open, flinging me back into cruel reality. Jace's lips were still pressed against mine, but I became too entirely focused on how rigid his body had gone, how wide his eyes were. Gasping, I violently shoved Jace away from me. I took a couple steps back to put more distance between us and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, as if I could just brush the sin away. My cheeks were burning, but I couldn't tell if it was because I was embarrassed or if it was the white hot rage I felt burning inside me.

My mind was racing and it was suddenly difficult to breathe. A voice inside my head was relentlessly screaming " _What have you done_?" over and over. I looked at Jace, who was staring back at me, aghast. There was no trace of revulsion on his face. He just looked stunned...and concerned.

_Damn you, Jace Wayland_. Here I'd been unable to control myself and kissed him, and now he was worried about me, as if he was the one who had made the mistake. A grave mistake. A disgusting, foul, pathetic mistake.

Jace's lips parted to say something. I turned and fled before giving him the chance. Jace called after me, but I paid him no heed. I pushed my legs to go faster, desperate to get back to my room. I could hear the pounding of Jace's feet behind me. He called my name and begged me to stop. I ran even faster.

When I finally reached my room I raced inside and slammed the door shut behind me. I pressed my back firmly against it, using my own body as a barricade. There was a loud bang and the door shook slightly as Jace slammed himself into it.

"Alec!" he called, pleading. "Open the door."

"Leave me alone," I called back.

There was silence at first, then a continuous pounding on the door. When the pounding stopped, it was replaced by a rhythmic _thud_ , _thud_ , _thud_ shaking the door, most likely caused by Jace using his shoulder to try to ram the door in. I dug my heels into the floor to keep him out.

"Alexander Gideon Lightwood! Open this door! Now!" Jace shouted, furious.

Here I was with the same problem I'd had earlier: I couldn't keep Jace out forever. He was far too stubborn. He'd dislocate his shoulder or break his foot busting my door down before leaving me alone. Bargaining was my last resort.

"Just give me ten minutes to be alone."

The attack on the door stopped, but I kept myself as a barrier in front of it. I thought for a minute Jace was going to permit my request.

"Three minutes," he countered.

"Seven."

The pounding started up again. "Three!" Jace yelled over the thunderous banging.

"Jace, _please_!" My voice was strangled, desperate. "Five minutes."

Glorious silence again, then a quiet "Fine."

With a sigh of relief I slid to the floor. Now I had to figure out what to say. Part of me hoped Jace would just punch me and walk away so I wouldn't have to explain myself. I knew he would never hit me, though. Maybe if I provoked him...No. Not even then. Jace still considered me fragile. He'd let me beat him an inch from death before laying a finger on me.

I hadn't realized the seraph blade was still in my hand. It glittered in the light, almost seductively. I tested the edge of the blade with my thumb. It was dull, but maybe if I pressed hard enough...I set the blade shakily against the inside of my left wrist and bit my lip. This kind of pain I could control, and it was easy to heal. I could escape, lose myself in the flow of blood...

Mortified, I hurled the seraph blade across the room. I checked my wrist for any damage, finding only an indentation, a memory, of where the blade had rested. My skin was not reflecting the cuts and scars that lurked inside. Disgust and self-loathing welled up inside of me, but underneath, the gaping wound was heartbreak. I was barely coping with my grief. All anyone at the Institute could really give me was pity. I had plenty of people to listen to me and nod their heads, but what I really needed was for someone to _understand_.

I'd left the window open to get some fresh air into the room before I'd left for training. I stared at it now, knowing if I was going to escape it was now or never. Jace, of course, would be hot on my heels, but I could throw him off my trail before getting to my destination.

I whispered a hushed apology to my _parabatai_ before pushing to my feet and crossing the room. I slung one leg over the windowsill and glanced back at the door. Still closed. I swung the other leg out and readied myself for the drop. A moment ago I'd been eager to slice my skin open just to make myself feel better, but now, oddly enough, I was hesitant on jumping for fear of breaking my legs.

_Physical pain is easy_ , I told myself. _It's the emotional pain that'll kill you_.

Without another glance at the door, I pushed myself off the windowsill.


	4. Reunited

Shaking Jace from my trail was trickier than I had anticipated. I thought I'd given him the slip diving in and out of thick throngs of people and cutting through a labyrinth of alleyways. I'd peered over my shoulder constantly, never catching any sign of him. It shouldn't have surprised me to see him waiting for me at Magnus's. Anyone with half a brain could have guessed where I was headed. Still, I nearly tripped over my own two feet when I saw him, body tensed, hands clenching and unclenching, obviously pissed. I'd ducked out of sight before he could spot me. That had been half an hour ago.

Jace still hadn't moved an inch. His head turned left and right rhythmically, eyes vigilantly scanning the crowds. He paid no attention to the suspicious glances passersby cast in his direction, even completely ignored a pretty blonde girl that flashed him a flirty smile and a wink as she walked by, swinging her hips all the while.

Something buzzed against my thigh suddenly, making me jump. I exhaled, realizing it was my phone. Ever since Magnus had called it quits, I never kept my phone out of reach. The first couple nights -- the most painful nights -- I sat up in bed staring down at the phone cradled in my hand, waiting for him to call. The lack of sleep was excruciating, but I'd been too afraid to close my eyes even for a minute for fear of drifting off and missing that one phone call I'd been desperately waiting for.

I reached into my pocket and yanked out my phone, frantically flipping it over to check the call display. _Jace Wayland_. Disappointed, I let it vibrate until my voice mail finally kicked in. I waited until the message finished recording to listen to it.

"Alec. It's Jace. Where are you? Call me back." Jace's tone was icy and flat, as if he was struggling to keep his temper in check. It sent chills down my spine.

I didn't blame Jace for being livid. He gave me his trust and I hurled it out the window. Literally. If our places had been switched I knew I'd be furious with him. Jace was my _parabatai_ , and, based on personal experience, I knew that rooted at the base of his fury was an anxiety so strong it was crippling. We were brothers. We loved each other and we protected each other. He'd always guarded my back, and I, his, but just this once I turned my back on him and disappeared. I knew Jace was suffering. After all, it was one thing to protect your brother against demons and Downworlders; it was another to try and protect him from himself.

Guilt seared my veins like burning poison as the plan unveiled itself in my head. If I went through with this I would deserve nothing less than Jace's hate, but he couldn't give me what I needed. I needed Magnus.

I dialed Jace's number and pressed the phone to my ear.

He answered on the first ring. "Alec? Where are you?"

I paused long enough to shake his nerves, and I hated myself for doing so. "I-I don't know."

"Where are you?" He asked again, tense and alert.

"Jace," I whimpered. "I don't know what I did."

"You need to tell me where you are, Alec," Jace said, alarmed.

"I don't know how it happened, Jace. It was an accident, I think. I can't get the bleeding to stop." My voice was hysterical. Inside my head another voice, full of malice, hissed, " _Alec Lightwood, you disgrace the name parabatai_."

"I need you to look around and tell me what you see."

I gave him the surroundings of an abandoned worksite that would lead him in the opposite direction.

"I'm on my way, Alec. Don't hang up."

I flipped the phone upside down so I could still hear Jace speak without him hearing me breathe. I bit my lip hard enough to draw blood, punishing myself. It wasn't nearly enough pain to counteract the guilt.

"Alec?" He waited for my response. "Alec!"

I readjusted my phone, whispered, "I'm sorry" and disconnected the call.

Jace was long gone by the time I peeked out from my hiding spot. _Raziel_ , I silently prayed, _cast me into the deepest pit of hell and let me burn for eternity_. I approached the first door and hesitated before pushing the buzzer. Magnus was not an easy man to con. This would have to be timed perfectly. I put my phone on speaker and opened Jace's voice message, pausing it after a second. Swallowing hard, I pushed the buzzer.

"Bane."

His voice alone made me weak in the knees. I put my free hand against the door to hold myself up. My shaky finger hit the play button and the message projected Jace's voice back at the buzzer, "It's Jace." I hit pause again before the message continued and blew my cover.

The door swung open instantly, to my surprise. I passed through it quickly and climbed the staircase on unsteady feet. With my phone back in my pocket, I fidgeted nervously with my fingers. I hadn't considered how Magnus would react once he saw who really walked through his door. I didn't even know what I wanted to say. Then again, maybe I wouldn't have to say anything. If Magnus was in the right mood he'd slam the door in my face. Or light me on fire. Or drop a shiny anvil on my head.

Magnus's door was suddenly staring me in the face. My heart felt ready to explode. I timidly reached up and knocked softly.

"Come on in, Nephilim."

I swiftly slid inside, softly closing the door behind me. Magnus, who had his back to me, was looking at a painting on the wall, his head cocked to one side thoughtfully. It was all I could do not to rush forward and wrap my arms around him, to inhale his scent.

"What do you think, Shadowhunter? Too tacky?"

His head, complete with spiked hair, obstructed my view. I said nothing. Suddenly I felt very self-conscious. If I hadn't left the Institute in such a rush I'd have cleaned myself up. I hastily ran a hand through my hair and straightened my clothes to the best of my abilities.

Magnus chuckled. "Your silent awe speaks for itself. It kind of takes your breath away, doesn't it?"

I could no longer restrain myself. "Magnus," I breathed.

The warlock's shoulders stiffened. His posture reminded me of a threatened wild cat: fur bristled, back arched and fangs bared. Magnus turned, finally allowing me to get lost in his beautiful yellow cat eyes. I'd forgotten how bright they were; untamed, much like his personality.

"Alec?"

I moved forward. Magnus lifted his hand and I bumped unexpectedly into an invisible wall. I looked at him, confused.

His eyes held no warmth. "That's far enough." He lowered his hand, but the wall remained. "What are you doing here?"

"I was in the neighborhood?" My answer was more of a question than a statement.

Magnus was unimpressed. "I thought I told you I didn't want to see you again."

"You did," I admitted, unable to keep the hurt out of my voice.

Magnus pinched the bridge of his nose. "And yet, here you are."

"Here I am."

When Magnus finally opened his eyes again I saw they are glimmering, watery. "Why can't you just stay away?"

 _Because I love you_. "I don't know."

Magnus snorted, sounding more annoyed than amused. He inspected his black polished fingernails, looking for anything to divert his attention from me.

"Where's Chairman Meow?" I asked, hoping to brighten the mood.

"I don't know." He scowled at me. "Maybe out with some vampire plotting to take away my immortality."

It would have stung less if Magnus had actually slapped me. I started as a loud buzz pierced the silence. Magnus calmly wandered over to the intercom and pushed the buzzer.

"WHO CALLS UPON THE HIGH WARLOCK?" Magnus bellowed, making the walls rumble.

"It's Jace."

My entire body stiffened. I couldn't get dragged away now. Words were getting jumbled in my head. There were so many things I had to say, but I couldn't remember what they were.

Magnus turned to me with his brow raised. "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised if Clary walks through that door."

"Magnus, please," I whispered.

"What do you want?" Magnus asked Jace, none too politely.

"Buzz me up!" Jace sounded out of breath.

Magnus looked over at me again. I shook my head, pleading. He held my gaze, his expression impassive. He pressed the button and said, unabashed, "I'm strutting about nude up here, Mr. Wayland. Tell me what you want or leave."

"I'm looking for Alec. I think he might have hurt himself. I wouldn't be calling unless it was urgent. Have you seen him?"

The accusation and disappointment in Magnus's face made me want crawl under and rock and die. His jaw was set and his lips were pressed into a thin line, teeth gritted behind them. He turned back to the buzzer, lethalness pulsing from every pore. "He stopped by, but I didn't buzz him up. I told him to go back to the Institute."

"Oh, great!" Jace said, distraught.

"He'll be back at the Institute, Jace."

"How do you know?"

"Because I told him I'd meet him there later."

There was silence on the other end, and I wondered if Jace had sniffed out Magnus's lie. Finally we heard his sigh of relief. "Thanks. I'll leave you to your...devices."

Magnus stomped up to me. The anger burning in his eyes made me quiver. With a snap of his fingers, the invisible wall between us disappeared, making me feel more exposed. He grabbed me by my upper arms and shook me so violently I cried out.

"What is the matter with you, Alexander Lightwood?" He shouted.

"Magnus, stop!" His grip, combined with the shaking was becoming agonizing.

Magnus shook me harder. "What is the matter with you?"

"You left me!"

The shaking abruptly stopped, but Magnus kept his hands gripping me. I jerked myself free and wrapped my arms around myself, head bowed so he wouldn't see the tears that had escaped.

"You left me," I repeated, broken, "and it was too much. I couldn't handle not being able to text you or call you or sleep beside you. You were just...gone. I never really got to say goodbye."

"Alec--"

I cut him off. "But I don't want to say goodbye. I made a mistake, Magnus, and I'm sorry. I know that sorry isn't enough, but our love is. Our love is enough. You can forgive me. I need you to forgive me, Magnus. Please. Because I can't forgive myself for screwing up the best thing that happened to my life. You make me feel normal. I don't feel ashamed of the way I am when I'm with you. Without you I'm broken, damaged. I'm so messed up I took a blade to my own wrist."

Magnus's eyes widened in alarm. He reached out and snatched my wrists, flipping them upwards to inspect them. He visibly relaxed to see they were unscathed. The scent of sandalwood filled my nostrils. He was standing closer to me now, looking sadly down into my eyes.

"I'm a Shadowhunter. I'm not supposed to be afraid of anything. Hell, we even have a rune for fearlessness." I took Magnus's hand in mine and squeezed. "But I'm terrified of being without you."

With his free hand Magnus reached up and stroked his thumb softly across the curve of my jawbone. He leaned forward and my breath caught in my throat. Our lips barely brushed and I gripped Magnus's hand tighter. He did not fully press his lips to mine, but instead touched his forehead to mine and cupped the side of my face delicately.

"I will never stop loving you," I whispered. "I can't."

Magnus pulled me against him, cradling my head against his shoulder and resting his cheek on top of my head. One of his hands gently rubbed my back. I clenched his shirt in my hands, willing him to never let go.

"Alec," Magnus said softly, his hand still rubbing my back, "I don't know if I can forgive you..."

My body went rigid.

"Shh, shh, shh." Magnus held me tighter. "I just need to think on it. In the mean time, you're welcome to stay the night."

I pulled back and gazed into his yellow-green eyes. "Really?"

He ran his fingers through my hair once. "We're not sharing a room, just to be clear. And don't think seducing me will help your cause." He stroked my cheek, coaxing me to smile, and continued, "I do still love you. That won't change. I've gotten better, but you haven't. I'm going to take care of you, but I can't guarantee things will go back to the way they used to be."

I was so overwhelmed by his kind offer that I was at a loss for words...again. All I could do was nod my head. Magnus brushed his thumbs over my cheeks, wiping away the tears. He bent down and placed the lightest kiss on my lips. A glow filled my body, expelling the darkness and demons that had been suffocating me.

"Take my bed and get some rest. Those bags are distracting me from your blue eyes." Magnus steered me towards the bedroom by placing his hand on my lower back.

Before I passed through the doorway Magnus stopped me and held out his hand. I looked at him, baffled.

"I'll call Jace and tell him you're having a sleepover." I placed the phone in his hand and he waved his hand in a shooing motion. "Go to bed."

I swiftly planted a light kiss on Magnus's lips before I turned away, a silent thank you. His eyes rested on my back until the bedroom door separated us. With a smile I collapsed face first onto the bed. Darkness enveloped me easily, but, for the first time in a long time, I was not greeted by nightmares.


	5. Stolen

_Robert Lightwood sat bowed over a desk, scribbling notes in black ink on a piece of paper. A fire crackled in the fireplace beside him, illuminating only him and the desk; the rest of the room remained smothered in darkness. Despite the blazing flames, the room was abnormally cold. Under the cruel chill, breathing was accompanied by sharp bursts of pain._

_I waited for my father to sense my presence, to look up at me, but his gaze remained on the paper in front of him. I cleared my throat timidly. He still did not acknowledge me. Taking a deep breath, I approached his desk. The clunking of my boots against the floor punctured the silence, drowning the snapping of the flames and echoing through the shadows._

_"Father," I said, coming to a halt directly in front of the desk._

_He remained hunched over, but stared daggers at me through the tops of his eyes. "Alexander, I'm busy."_

_I tried not to let his clipped tone unnerve me. "I need to talk to you about something."_

_My father's focus returned to his writing. He waved his hand dismissively. "It can wait. I have more pressing matters to attend to."_

_"This is important," I insisted._

_The soft scrawling abruptly stopped. My father's knuckles turned white, gripping the pen so hard it was a wonder the object did not snap in half. He leaned back in his chair and fixed me in his displeased stare. His silence signaled for me to start talking._

_I could feel drops of icy sweat beading at the nape of my neck. The words I had practiced over and over in my head were being burned to ash under the intense watch of my father. He raised an eyebrow and began tapping his pen against the paper impatiently. His irritation only made me more flustered._

_"Father," I began, "I think you should know that I'm--" The last word became lodged in my throat. My mouth opened and closed as I fumbled for something to say._

_"Are you quite finished wasting my time?"_

_"Father, I'm--"_ Gay. Homosexual. _The words made my throat clench, much like the way trying to say "God" would choke a vampire. Why was this so difficult? Lightwoods were always straightforward, never tiptoeing around anything. It was in my genes to be blunt, so why couldn't I just say it?_

_"Get out of my study."_

_Too afraid to lose this chance, I blurted, "I'm in love."_

_The pen slipped through Robert Lightwood's fingers and plopped softly on top of his paperwork. His lips were pressed into a thin line and his eyes were fuming. I took an involuntary step back._

_"You interrupted my work," he hissed, his voice low, "to tell me you're in love?"_

_Not trusting my voice, I nodded my head. My palms were sweating, more from the anxiety than the temperature of the room, which, in spite of my father's burning rage, had dropped another couple degrees. I discreetly wiped my hands on my pants._

_"Well, you'd best make it worth my while, Alexander. Tell me all about this girl. Please, do tell me everything about her. I want to know everything from her hair color to her shoe size. Don't leave out her interests. What's her name?"_

_Sarcasm dripped thickly from his voice. His hands were clasped in front of him and he was twiddling his thumbs. The chair creaked in protest as he reclined in false interest and ease. If there was ever a time to be straightforward, it was now._

_"Magnus Bane."_

_My father was on his feet in an instant. He was leaning forward, both hands braced on the desk. His gaze was calculating. He tilted his head, never taking his eyes off mine. I restrained myself from fidgeting under his scrutiny. Never had I felt so intimidated by another man._

_"What did you just say?"_

_"Magnus Bane," I repeated. "The man I love, his name is Magnus Bane."_

_With a frightening calmness, my father strode out from behind the desk. He came around to stand in front of me. His brow furrowed, as if this was some lie he was bent on seeing through. I opened my mouth to speak, but his hand was faster. The back of his hand struck my cheek forcefully enough to make me stumble. The harsh sound of the blow reverberated around us. I straightened and gaped at my father, stunned._

_"You disgust me, Alexander."_

_He might as well have backhanded me again. I wiped my lip with the back of my hand, and a light trail of blood stained the pale skin there._

_"Let me get this straight," my father went on, as if he hadn't just struck me. "In your moment of confused sexuality, you decided to devote yourself to a_ warlock _?"_

_"I'm not confused," I objected. "I know what I am."_

_"And what are you?" he inquired snidely._

_I squared my shoulders. "I'm gay."_

_I didn't see the flash of movement this time. Pain erupted on the side of my face and I was knocked to the floor. The split in my lip stung and my head throbbed. A wave of dizziness made my stomach churn._

_"And what was it that turned you gay, Alec?"_

_I waited for the nausea to pass before answering, "I was born this way."_

_My father crouched down beside me. If I wasn't mistaken, there was enjoyment etched into his face. "I think I know what it was."_

_I refused to respond, unwilling to go along with this delusion._

_He continued anyway. "It was Jace, wasn't it?"_

_My eyes widened, mortified. How dare he bring Jace into this? My father misinterpreted my shocked expression. He smirked, thinking he'd solved the equation._

_"Jace has nothing to do with it!" I shouted._

_"Oh, give it a rest," my father scoffed. "Do you think I didn't notice the way you watched him when we adopted him? You didn't look at him the way one boy is supposed to look at another, Alec. You weren't normal. You were repulsive. I thought you'd grow out of it."_

_"It's not something you grow out of," I said, incredulous at his ignorance. "It's not a phase, it's not a choice. It's just who I am."_

_"I can fix you, Alexander," my father said, ignoring me. "How do you cure an addict? You take away his drug of choice. You eliminate the temptation. That's what we're going to do, Alec. We're going to eliminate your temptation."_

_Robert Lightwood straightened and snapped his fingers. Two rings of fire ignited at the far end of the room. I shielded my eyes against the burst of light. When I lowered my arm I noticed a figure was standing in the center of each ring. One had a crown on golden hair, the other black spikes._ Jace...Magnus...

_"What are you doing?" I cried, leaping to my feet._

_My father snatched my wrist in his hand, his clutch so tight I yelled in agony. He held me in place, preventing me from running to the aid of my friends. I struggled to get free, never taking my eyes off my_ parabatai _or my boyfriend. I squinted to get a better look at them. They were struggling against invisible restraints, constricting their bodies to elude to tongues of flame licking at them._

_"Father, let them go! Please!"_

_My father looked down at me. The coldness, the emptiness, in his eyes stopped my heart. Ever so calmly, he said, "I'm going to fix you."_

_He snapped his fingers. The flames began to close in around Jace and Magnus. They thrashed wildly, frantic to get free. I don't know whose screams were louder: the screams of my loved ones or my own._

* * *

 

"Alec!"

I sat bolt upright, breathing hard and fast. My clothes clung to my body and my legs were entangled in a blanket I had no recollection of laying under. Magnus was seated on the bed next to me. His hand was clutching my shoulder and his yellow cat eyes were apprehensive.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

"Yeah," I panted. "Just a nightmare."

"You looked like you were being electrocuted."

"I would have preferred that over what really happened."

Magnus frowned. He reached up and ran his fingers through my fair, pushing it back off my damp forehead. I closed my eyes and welcomed the coolness of his hand against my burning skin. My heart finally ceased its attack against my chest.

"What time is it?"

"Two in the morning," Magnus said, brushing the backs of his fingers against my still-warm cheek.

I looked over at him and couldn't help but notice his hair was carefully styled, eyeliner framed his awe-striking eyes and he was wearing fresh, unwrinkled -- and sequined -- clothes. He looked oddly sharp to be going to bed.

"I have a client," he answered my unasked question.

I blinked tiredly. "What kind of client makes an appointment at two am?"

Magnus winked. "The one that pays good moolah."

I began untangling the blanket from my legs. Magnus watched me curiously.

"What are you doing?"

"You have to leave, so I should go back to the Institute," I replied without looking at him.

"Don't be ridiculous," Magnus objected, genuinely surprising me. "You need rest. You're welcome to stay. I shouldn't be gone long."

"Really? I wouldn't want to impose..."

"Nonsense! Just pretend you're my housekeeper." He tapped his chin thoughtfully. "I'm sure I've got a French maid outfit around here somewhere."

"Thank you, Magnus."

The warlock leaned forward and gently pressed his lips against mine. My heart fluttered at the tenderness behind it. He pulled back and pushed his fingers to my chest, gently laying me back against the mattress.

"Go to sleep," he whispered, brushing his fingertips over my eyelids.

Though I kept my eyes closed, I was awake long enough to know that Magnus watched over me until I finally drifted back into sleep.

* * *

 

A soft thud snapped me back into consciousness. Magnus's bedroom was dark. My limbs were heavy with fatigue, bringing me to the assumption it was still in the early hours of the morning. I rubbed my eyes and yawned.

"Magnus?"

Quietness answered me. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. Though I couldn't detect any movement, I could tell I was not alone. I slipped out from under the blankets and cautiously approached the door before creeping out. My hand reached blindly for the light switch. The lights overhead flipped on instantly, momentarily leaving me sightless. When my eyes adjusted I saw a figure standing in the middle of the room. He was admiring the painting on the wall, much like Magnus had been when I first entered his home. The stranger's familiar build would have led me to believe he was Jace. The mop of white hair on his head, however, was unmistakeable.

"Sebastian?" I gasped.

"The warlock has good taste in art. His taste in fashion, on the other hand..." Sebastian turned to face me. "Hello, Alec."

I automatically reached for my weapons belt, cursing when I realized it was back at the Institute. Sebastian chuckled and pulled a knife from his own belt. My heart was racing in my chest. I didn't know if I could survive a fight with Sebastian without a weapon. The best defense I had was to run.

"Funny how we get so attached to our little toys, isn't it?" Sebastian said, turning the blade over and staring at the sharpened edge.

"What are you doing here?" I demanded.

Sebastian looked up at my authoritative tone. His lip twitched. "Where is Magnus Bane?" His voice was as commanding as mine.

"I don't know."

"Don't make me force it out of you, Alec." The threat turned my blood to ice. Sebastian had no intention of letting me walk away unscathed, that much was already clear. My hand pressed against my pocket, feeling for my phone. All I had was my stele.

"Looking for this?" Sebastian held my cell phone in his hand. "I found it on the counter."

"Want do you want with Magnus?" I asked, stalling to come up with a plan.

Sebastian pressed the point of his knife against the tip of his index finger on his other hand and glanced curiously around the room. "He has something I want."

"And what's that?"

"The Book of White."

I could feel the blood drain from my face. My knees could barely support me. It was all I could do not to crumble to the floor.

"Rumor has it," Sebastian went on, "that the book has spells in it."

"Really?" I hissed sarcastically. "I heard it was a book of carpet samples."

Sebastian snorted. "Keep it up, Lightwood, and I'll be cutting that clever tongue out of your mouth. As I was saying, some of these spells hold very high interest to me."

I dreaded what I was going to hear next. My eyes darted over to the door. There was no way to make a break for it without him cutting me off.

"Now, apparently there are methods to end immortality...but you knew that already, didn't you, Alec?" The evident shame in my face made Sebastian smile. "That is not what I'm after, though. The idea of _achieving_ immortality is what appeals to me."

"No," I whispered in disbelief. Immortality was a curse upon itself, but to have someone like Sebastian alive for eternity...

"Come now, Alec. I've shared with you. Now it's your turn. Tell me the warlock is."

I shook my head defiantly. "No."

Sebastian's eyes burned and he gripped the knife tightly. "I will ask _one_ last time..."

"No," I repeated firmly.

"Then you give me no choice." He cocked his head to the side. "I wonder how Magnus will react to my ultimatum."

"He'll never give you the Book of White."

"Oh, really? Not even if your life depended on it?"

My body trembled. Sebastian was not going to allow me to run, but he was not going to leave me behind. He was going to take me with him.

"You may have gotten inside undetected, but you'll never leave without being seen."

"That's where you're wrong, Alexander. You see, thanks to my beloved sister, I have a rune, a very special rune. It allows me to portal wherever I please. It's how I arrived, and it's how I intend to depart. The return trip won't be quite as lonely--"

I bolted for the door. Sebastian rushed forward and tackled me to the floor. We rolled together, fighting for control. I grabbed Sebastian's wrist and pushed against it, keeping the knife from cutting my flesh. With a final roll I pinned him underneath me.

Sebastian arched his back and jerked his body forward, ramming his skull against mine. He took advantage of my immobilization and rolled us over again, this time pinning me underneath him. He punched me in the side of the head, blurring my vision. My hand instinctively let go of his wrist. Sebastian lifted the knife and brought it down hard, stabbing me in the shoulder. An agonized scream tore from my lips. Sebastian laughed, and, with the blade still embedded in my flesh, twisted the knife. My body writhed under the pain. Sebastian tore the knife out. He shifted his body so he was seated on my chest with his knees holding my arms against the floor. His weight, combined with the pain, forced the breath from my lungs. The tip of the blade bit into the skin at my temple.

"I thought you'd put up a better fight than that, Lightwood. You ought to rethink your sexuality. It's made you feminine...soft..."

Sebastian pushed down on the blade, separating my skin. He slid the knife down the side of my face, cutting across the corner of my eye and down to my cheek. My cries sounded inhuman. Another blow to my head subdued me. The room became eerily quiet. Sebastian punched me again. Black spots appeared before my eyes. The pain in my knife wounds began to fade. I struggled to keep my eyes open.

"Enjoy your sleep while you can, Alexander. We're going to have much more fun once you wake up."

The final blow knocked me into oblivion, my last thoughts being the feel of Magnus's lips against mine, the way he brushed my hair back from my face...and the bloodstain on the floor that would greet him when he got home.


	6. It Is Written...

No new messages. I cursed out loud. My leg was bouncing up and down anxiously. An open book was sprawled in my lap, but I had abandoned my attempt to read long ago. My eyes had lazily skimmed over the words stained in black ink, but by the time I reached the bottom of the page, I had no recollection of what I had just read. My thoughts were elsewhere, and that in itself was too distracting to focus on anything else. I checked my phone again.

"Expecting a phone call?"

Magnus Bane was suddenly leaning against the door frame of the library, his ankles casually crossed in front of him and his hands shoved into his pockets.

I scowled at him. "You could have messaged me back. I've been sitting here wondering if you were even going to show."

Magnus grinned. "What can I say? I enjoy ruffling your feathers."

"Well you've done an outstanding job."

Magnus strolled into the library, gazing in fascination at the shelves drowning in books. He wandered off to the side and leaned forward to read the ancient, faded spines. He trailed his finger down the length of a particularly battered book and then inspected his finger for dust.

"Where's your girlfriend?" he asked curiously.

"Out with Isabelle having a girl's day. They were headed out for breakfast then they were going shopping."

"You should have gone with them," Magnus said, looking pointedly at my ripped jeans and plain black t-shirt.

"I wanted to talk to you about Alec. How was he this morning?"

Magnus shrugged. "I wouldn't know."

My eyes narrowed. "What do you mean you don't know? Last I heard, he was staying with you."

"That's correct."

"So...?" I trailed off, prompting the warlock to continue.

Magnus seated himself in a chair across from me. He lifted his leg to rest his right ankle on his left knee. He would have looked regal if it hadn't been for his ludicrous outfit. Only he could pull off a purple sequined tank top, black leather pants and an oversized star-shaped belt buckle with glittering red rhinestones. A wide black leather bracelet with silver studs encircled each of his wrists.

"I had a client early this morning. I thought I would be back home before Alec woke up, but the task at hand got a little complicated."

"Complicated?"

"Oh, yes. Heads were spinning and vomit was being spewed everywhere, that sort of thing. It was rather repulsive."

"I can only imagine." I snapped the book in my lap shut. "Well, how did Alec look to you when you first saw him?"

"When I _first_ saw him?" Magnus's eyes drifted upwards in thought. "When I first saw him, I had been expecting to see you. That little revelation had me seeing red."

I snorted. "Alec certainly has a way of pissing people off lately, doesn't he? After you calmed down, though, what did you think?"

"I thought he'd looked better when he was covered in Greater Demon wounds."

I nodded, my fingers strumming on the cover of the book. Magnus plucked a hair from his pants and waggled his finger to let the strand float to the floor. He did not seem overly concerned about my _parabatai_ 's condition.

"I assume he got better in your presence?"

"I saw him at two am," Magnus confirmed, his eyes brightening at the memory. "Aside from some sleeping difficulties he looked...exceptional."

I blinked. "What do you mean by that?"

Magnus sighed in adoration. "Do you have any idea how adorable your _parabatai_ looks when he's sleeping? And the way his hair his hair is so untidy when he first wakes up...so sexy."

I held up my hand. "Okay. I don't need to hear any more of that. My question now is did he look stable enough to be left alone by himself?"

"He seemed calm, not in any real distress. He woke up before I left and offered to come back to the Institute. I declined. Don't get me wrong, he didn't try to persuade me to let him stay, but he didn't seem too keen on coming here and seeing you."

I did not know how much Alec had revealed to Magnus. Was I supposed to keep my mouth shut about what happened in the training room? This was an opportunity for Alec to heal, and the last thing I needed to do was get him in trouble and screw it all up.

"He kissed you, didn't he?"

I blanched, ruining all hope of denying the question. "How did you know?"

Magnus sighed. "I figured it would happen eventually. The only person he could turn to after our separation was you, and his history of infatuation with you isn't exactly a secret."

"He didn't do it on purpose," I said, trying to appease some of the tension. "He pushed me away and ran. I mean, he didn't use tongue or anything."

Magnus shook his head. "Pity. He has gotten much better at that."

"You're not angry?" I asked, dumbfounded. "I thought you'd be skinning me alive right now."

"And do what? Turn your skin into jerky? That's disgusting, Jace Herondale. Besides, I'd like to avoid getting blood on my new shoes."

"Magnus, your lack of being bothered by Alec kissing me is vexing. Why aren't you extremely jealous? I think I'm breaking out in a rash."

Magnus ignored my quip. "If kissing you had helped him cope, I would have had him do it one hundred times over. He tried to get over me, but he couldn't. I take it as a compliment, really."

"And you should. Not many people reject this tasty dish." I swept my hand over my body.

"You're right. Alec walked right past the Happy Meal and went for fine dining."

"Are you calling me greasy?"

Magnus waved his hand dismissively. "Why don't you call Alec and check up on him yourself? I'd like to keep him another night and make sure he's fed a good meal. He's looking a bit thin."

With a nod of agreement I dialed Alec's number and pushed the call button. It went straight to his voicemail. Brow furrowed, I redialed with the same result. Not bothering to leave a message, I hung up.

"I keep getting his voicemail."

"He must still be asleep," Magnus guessed. The warlock got to his feet and stretched, working the kinks out in his back and shoulders. "Would you like to come over? You can speak with him once he wakes up."

"Sure." I stood up and plopped the book down in the vacant chair. "And for the record, Magnus, I shower frequently. I am not greasy."

The warlock rolled his eyes.

* * *

 

We covered the distance to Magnus's place in a short amount of time. His eagerness to get home was apparent in his long and swift strides. I had to hurry to keep up. We climbed the stairs in his building in silence. When we reached his door, Magnus put the key in the lock but refrained from turning it.

He looked at me sternly. "Keep your voice down. I don't want you waking my boyfriend up."

Warmth surged through me and I beamed at the warlock, pleased. "Your boyfriend?"

Magnus blinked, as if the word had slipped out unintentionally. "Well...he's on probation," he amended with a small smile and a wink.

I followed Magnus through the entryway. I bumped into him, though, when he suddenly halted. I ricocheted off his rigid body.

"By the Angel, Magnus. A little warning next time, please."

The warlock remained ramrod stiff. I stepped around him to study his face. His eyes were wide and horrified. His mouth was gaping and his pallor was alarming. I followed his gaze to the wall across the room. There, written in dark dried blood, was the message: " _Give me the Book of White or he dies. -J. C. M._ "

My eyes wildly darted around the room. Besides the message, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. None of the furniture had been overturned and there didn't appear to be anything missing...except Alec. I moved forward to get a better look at the wall when my boot slipped on a slick substance. I knew what it was before I reluctantly glanced downward. My hand shot out to grab a nearby chair for support as my knees threatened to give out. The pool of blood on the floor was extensive. There was no doubt in my mind that the blood had seeped from Alec's flesh. A wave of nausea racked my body and I doubled over, vomiting on the floor.

When the dry heaves subsided, I turned to Magnus, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. He hadn't moved an inch, hadn't even blinked. I felt so lost, not knowing what to say or if I should reached out and touch him.

"Magnus..."

"He's still alive," he whispered, fighting to convince himself. "Alec is still alive."

"If he was dead I would have felt it," I reassured him.

"That blood is going to leave a stain." Magnus's voice was dazed, succumbing to shock.

"Maybe you should sit down." I started to grab a chair.

"Jace." Magnus was suddenly clinging to my arm. His eyes were terrified and pleading. "We can't let him die."

"We'll get him back."

Magnus searched my face. "How?"

I opened my mouth to reply but no words came out. In the silence I realized that I had no answers. I had no plan, no words of comfort or encouragement. I truly had nothing, and that petrified me to my very core.


	7. Torment

"Alec."

The voice called to me from a distance. I could hear an uneven, ragged noise, strange to my ears. The air surrounding me was cool and my damp clothes were clinging to my skin, chilling me to the bone. I heard my name again, but I could not bring myself to open my eyes. I was so tired...

Freezing water suddenly drenched me from my shoulders up. I jolted back into consciousness. When my vision cleared I saw Sebastian standing over me holding a now empty bucket, grinning triumphantly.

"Rise and shine, little Shadowhunter!"

My memory came rushing back all too quickly, banishing my morning grogginess at once. The pain returned alongside it, instantly making me dizzy. I curled into a ball to try and settle my churning stomach. The throbbing in my shoulder brought dark spots to my eyes. I groaned.

Sebastian upended the bucket and placed it on the floor before seating himself. He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, watching me intently. "How are we feeling today?"

Rolling onto my back, I glanced down at my left shoulder and choked back the bile rising in my throat. The bleeding had been staunched, but the wound was still open and exposed. The flesh was inflamed and dark in color, indicating the early stages of infection. Restricting my movements to the bare minimum, I reached my hand down to my pants pocket, searching for my stele.

"Now, now, Alec," Sebastian chided, "I'm afraid the usage of steles is against the rules."

When my search came up empty, I cursed under my breath. I already felt feverish; if the wound went untreated, it would only be a matter of time until I succumbed to blood poisoning.

"Here." Sebastian reached behind him and grabbed a bottle of water. He held it out to me. "You look like you could use this."

Against my screaming internal need, I turned my head away. Though staying hydrated was of vital importance, I couldn't take the risk of being drugged. My throat and mouth were parched. I realized the ragged, uneven noise I had heard earlier was the sound of my breathing. My body shivered, though if it was from the temperature of the room or my fever I could not tell. Every new abnormality I discovered frightened me a little more.

"I would not be so quick to refuse my generosity, Alexander," Sebastian warned. "You _will_ come to regret it."

"Get out," I growled feebly.

Sebastian feigned a look of hurt. "That's no way for a guest to treat his host. You are living under my hospitality. Some manners would be greatly appreciated."

"Go to hell."

Sebastian's lip twitched. He rose to his feet and walked back to a metal door at the end of the room. He banged on it once with his fist and stepped aside. Two large men, both tattooed with black runes, entered and turned to Sebastian for instruction.

"Bring him to the room with the box," he commanded before taking his leave.

The men loomed over me, one standing on either side. I did not recognize them. The larger of the two was bald and had two different colored eyes: one blue and one brown. The other was younger with a full head of blonde hair and silver hoops piercing the entire curve of his right ear.

Without warning, the bald Shadowhunter kicked me hard in the ribs. I curled onto my side, my shoulder screaming in protest. He kicked me again, forcing the air from my lungs. A heavy boot pressed down on my back, sprawling me onto my stomach. My face pressed into the stone floor, making the cut spreading from my temple to my cheek burn and sting. My hands were roughly pulled behind my back and bound. One of them grasped the back of my shirt and hauled me to my feet, where I swayed unsteadily.

The pierced Shadowhunter punched me in the stomach, but kept me on my feet as I doubled over. A bag was slipped over my head, taking away my sight completely and making it difficult to breathe. Someone brutally shoved me forward. I stumbled along blindly, my only means of guidance two hands grasping my upper arms.

I did not know how long we walked. My sense of direction had been smothered beneath my fight to keep calm. When we finally stopped, the bag was instantly removed from my head but my hands remained bound.

The room we now stood in did not differ much from my cell; however, it was impossible to miss the coffin-sized container placed in the middle of the floor. I struggled not to tremble.

_A Shadowhunter is fearless_ , I thought to myself. _Be brave. Be strong. Show no weakness. Jace would fight. Magnus would fight. You. Must. Fight_.

Sebastian was standing off the side, a hose coiled at his feet. He looked over at us and, his face impassive, flicked his head towards the box. The guards shoved me forward. I dug my heels into the ground, my heart racing. The Shadowhunter with the earrings walked around and opened the lid of the container. The other lifted me effortlessly and threw inside. The lid slammed shut before I could make a sound.

The walls of the box were opaque. Aside from a small beam of light filtering through a hole in the roof at my feet, I was swallowed in darkness. Claustrophobia clawed at me, ripping the air from my lungs. I shifted to try and relieve the pressure of my hands digging into my back. There was little space to maneuver around. Choking down my hysteria I kicked at the roof with my feet and knees. It remained firmly sealed.

There was a soft clunking noise and I froze. The light at the end of the container dimmed. Next I heard light humming. Nothing happened for a moment, then a steady gush of water flowed through the hole and splashed against my shins. A small pool began forming underneath me.

_No, no, no_! A shrill cry escaped my lips. I pummelled the lid with my boots, but it suffered no damage. I tried to tuck my legs into my chest to push at the roof with my knees but the lid was too low, barely allowing me to bend my knees. I thrashed around wildly, ramming my shoulders into the side walls, stomping my boot against the wall at my feet.

The water level was already almost covering my stomach, legs and chest. I had to crane my neck to keep my head above the water. When my forehead bumped against the roof, I whimpered. It would not be long before I was completely submerged. My breaths coming shallow and rapid, I twisted my wrists against my bonds. They remained tightly tied together. The bonds bit into my skin as I furiously tried to wrench free.

_Alec, you have to calm down_. As I struggled to steady my breathing, my thoughts drifted to Magnus. I pictured the way his golden eyes glittered when he smiled. I pictured the curve of his throat that was exposed when he threw his head back in a fit of laughter. I imagined the soft brush of his thumb as he traced my jaw line.

There was a moment of calm, but then I felt the water lapping at the back of my head and lost all sense of control. My own screams of panic resonated deafeningly in the confined space. My ears were soon immersed, but I could still hear my terrified yells. When the water began creeping up my cheeks, I tilted my head back to raise my mouth as close to the lid as possible.

My tears were now mixing with the water around me. _I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die_...The words replayed over and over inside my mind. I thought of Jace and my hand clenched involuntarily, holding an imaginary hand.

My eyes were now tightly closed underwater. I could feel the water closing in around my mouth. My stomach dropped and my heart was beating so violently I thought for sure the noise would shatter the box. I sucked in one final gulp of air before the water passed over my lips. I struggled against my restraints, already feeling a tightness in my chest. I kicked against the walls sightlessly using every ounce of strength in my body. My movements were slowed in the water, though, and just as ineffective as before.

My lungs began to burn. My eyes flashed open and my body began to convulse. _Jace_... _Magnus_... _Someone_... _Help_ _me_! _Please_ , I silently begged. I could feel the life inside of me being asphyxiated, like a flame being smothered. A numbness spread through me as my blood turned to ice. Against my own will, I gasped for air and inhaled a mouthful of water.

I blacked out momentarily as I began to drown. When I came to again, I could hear a voice in my head shrieking, _Breathe_! _Breathe_! _Breathe_! Each shout got quieter and quieter as I began to sink into the depths of death. Seconds before I passed into nothingness, light rippled through the water and a hand grabbed a fistful of my hair, yanking me upwards to break the surface. I automatically sucked in a gasp of air, singeing my lungs.

I felt myself being lifted out of the tank before being dumped onto the floor. The drop forced a mouthful of water out of my lungs. A fit of coughing racked my body as I choked and sputtered. As my body convulsed with spasms, I began to vomit water. Someone turned me onto my side, none too gently, to drain my mouth and clear my airway. The coughing soon began to subside, but I continued to wheeze and shake uncontrollably.

My spine tingled as someone knelt behind me. Feather-light fingertips brushed my soaked hair behind my ear. Warm breath tickled the side of my face, making me cringe.

"You'd best recover your strength, Alec," Sebastian whispered, his voice soft but menacing. "We're just getting started."


	8. With or Without You

"Did you get it?"

I shook my head to clear away the after-effects of the portal and held out the blue cashmere scarf I'd brought back from the Institute. Magnus hurried forward and lifted the article out of my outstretched hand gingerly, as if every thread would unravel if he wasn't careful. Without a word, he snapped his fingers and the stele that was in my pocket suddenly appeared in his hand. He turned away and headed towards the sofa, hastily scrawling a rune on the blue material. I followed quietly, respecting his need for concentration. Magnus sat down and clenched the scarf in his hands, his eyes closed. I paced the living area as I watched him, too anxious to sit.

Magnus's brow furrowed and he clenched his eyes tighter. His head cocked slightly to the side, as if he was straining to hear some phantom noise.

"What is it?" I asked.

Eyes remaining shut, Magnus lifted a hand and massaged his temple with his fingers. "I'm having difficulties tracking his location. Now, shush."

"Sebastian took Alec's phone with him," I said absently. "Why not just leave it behind?"

"Obviously, Sebastian wants to communicate with us. Alec has your number and mine programmed into his phone. Now he has a direct line for his blackmail. Now seriously, Jace, shut up."

I could not stop myself. "Sebastian isn't one to negotiate." The unspoken words hung heavily in the air: _Alec is as good as dead_.

Magnus was on his feet and towering over me in an instant, cat eyes blazing. "You," he snapped, "are not helping. Go into that bedroom and do not make another peep. If you disrupt my focus again, I will kill you."

The harshness in the warlock's tone left me shaken. I turned away and headed into the bedroom, knowing better than to argue. I collapsed backwards onto Magnus's bed, loathing scalding me on the inside. There was a deep hatred for Sebastian, and also a sense of self-loathing for being unable to protect my _parabatai_ , but amidst the knot of anger inside me, I was surprised to find detest for Alec. If he hadn't gone back to Magnus's...If he hadn't kissed me...If he had just moved on...

I mentally chastised myself for the angry thoughts roiling in my head. My frustration was feeding off my trepidation. Alec's survival was depending on my strength, not my emotions. I needed to be strong for him.

I pressed the heels of my palms into my eyes to ward off the threat of tears.

_Hang on, Alec_ , I begged. _Don't let go_.

* * *

 

The rusty hinges of a metal door squealed in protest as it swung open. The shrill noise agitated my headache. I opened my heavy eyelids, blinking sensitively at the cruelness of the light. Confusion swept over me when I realized I was not laying on the floor; I was vertical, but my wrists and ankles were fastened to a plank at my back, securing me in place. When I looked down I noticed my shirt had been removed and a square of white gauze had been taped over the wound in my shoulder.

Sebastian approached me with his hands clasped behind his back. His demeanor reminded me of someone who was idly strolling through a park, as opposed to a psychopath who was advancing on his torture victim. His dark eyes drifted lazily up and down my body. He shook his head and clucked his tongue.

"I don't know what the warlock sees in you, Alexander. It must be your pretty face. Everything else about you is weak."

I closed my eyes and focused on tuning out his words.

"Look at me when I'm talking to you!" Sebastian snarled, jamming his thumb into the gauze pad over my stab wound. He grinned as I howled in agony. "We're going to have to teach you some manners."

"Don't touch me," I croaked, my voice frail.

Sebastian laughed. "I admire your spirit. It's such a pity that that, too, will be broken when I'm through with you."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Think of it as a preparation. Very soon I'm going to be placing a phone call to your friends, in which they will be listening to you beg for death. Your screams will have them lining up at my door to hand deliver the Book of White."

"You will never hear me beg," I rasped.

Sebastian's eyes twinkled. "We'll see about that. Let's get started, shall we?"

He pulled the familiar knife from his weapons belt. I sagged against the plank, bracing myself for onslaught of pain. Sebastian pressed the tip of the blade against my skin, lightly tracing over the faded scars of my runes.

"Nice stamina rune. I'll bet I can guess what you used that for."

The blade pierced my skin and Sebastian made a long, shallow slice from my right shoulder down to my left hip bone. Blood flowed into my mouth as I bit down on my tongue, forbidding myself from crying out. Blood oozed from the cut, trickling down my abdomen and stomach. Next Sebastian placed the knife against the inside of my left wrist. He made quick work of carving three parallel lines into my flesh. I sucked in a gasp of air at the burning sting. A thin sheen of sweat covered my face, plastering my hair to my skin. I bit my lip as Sebastian pressed the knife against the skin just above my hipbone. Ever so slowly he began to force the blade into my flesh.

"Come on, Alec," Sebastian hissed, sensing my escalating anguish. "Let me hear you."

A scream escaped me before I could stop it. Half of the blade was buried in my flesh.

"That's it," Sebastian encouraged. "Let it out." He twisted the knife with a sharp jerk and smiled as I yelled louder.

I panted heavily as he pulled the blade out of me. Sebastian slipped the bloodied weapon back into his belt. One hand remained behind his back while the other pointed at me.

"Are you ready to have some real fun, Alec?"

Sebastian brought his other hand around. Balanced between his thumb and index finger was a syringe filled with a black ink-like substance. Demon blood. My last ounces of strength were replaced with fear. I struggled against my restraints.

"No! Sebastian don't!" I shrunk away from him.

He removed the protective cap and smirked. "You didn't say please."

The needle pierced the skin at the crook of my elbow. The pain was instantaneous. Though Sebastian had only injected half of the demon blood, it felt like every vein in my body was being seared with a branding iron. My head throbbed and my body convulsed, but all I was aware of were my constant cries of torment.

The excruciating pain finally began to subside, though my head was still pounding and my entire body trembled. Sebastian grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him.

"Begging for death doesn't seem so unfeasible now, does it?"

He released me with a shove and turned on his heel. When he left the room, the two Shadowhunters from before entered. They unfastened my restraints and peeled me off the plank. My knees crumbled beneath me as my feet touched the floor. Each Shadowhunter took one of my arms and dragged me into the hall. Neither of them had bothered to put a bag over my head this time, but the pain combined with my light-headedness made me too disorientated to focus.

We came to a stop in an all too familiar room. I was suddenly staring at the black container again, and my stomach dropped.

"No," I whimpered.

The bald Shadowhunter hefted me over his shoulder before I could make an escape attempt. I clawed at him as he tried to slam me down inside the container, but he easily twisted out of my grasp. He pushed me down on my back and closed the lid.

"No!" I cried, pounding my fists against the roof.

Something suddenly covered the hole above my legs and I was swallowed whole by a solid black shadow. Panic enveloped me and I began clawing at the lid, screaming all the while. I pressed my hands against the roof and pushed hard, straining my muscles and reawakening blinding pain in my wounds. There wasn't enough air in the container; each breath became a struggle. Tears flowed from the corners of my eyes, and the cut on the side of my face stung as the saltiness touched the tender flesh. My fists pummelled the lid hard enough to leave bruises.

I was alone again, suffocating inside a box of darkness, with only my panic to keep me company. The sharp scent on my own blood surrounded me. I pressed my palms flat against the lid and pushed again, but it remained tightly sealed. I stopped pushing but my palms remained against the roof. They patted around blindly, searching for the warmth of a hand that might be pressing against the outside. The feeling of being completely alone was more crippling than all my injuries combined. I needed somebody...anybody...

In between my screams of terror, I cried out a name, begging for him to hear me:

"Jace!"


	9. Shatter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeyyy! :) So we are nearing the halfway point of this story! I'm not sure if I mentioned this early, but (you probably already figured this out) I changed a few things from the books. For example, in this chapter it is suggested that Camille is still alive. You might have noticed, too, that Alec and Jace don't feel each other's pain. ANYWAY. Just thought I'd explain myself a bit :) I hope you are all enjoying this! Thank you for reading and leaving comments! And your kudos as well! Cheers and happy reading!

_Magnus was laying beside me, his body propped up on his elbow as he traced the outline of my jaw with his knuckle. When I turned to look at him sleepily, the corner of his mouth quirked up into a crooked smile. With the fluid and graceful movements of a cat, he positioned himself over me and began planting a trail of feather light kisses down my throat and over my exposed collar bone. A soft sigh escaped me, and when I shifted beneath him, Magnus pinned my wrists at my sides. He continued pressing his lips against the skin at my shoulder. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes, intoxicated by the fervor of desire dancing across my skin._

_I gasped suddenly when Magnus nipped at my shoulder, grazing his teeth across my skin. My eyes flew open when he bit down harder, sending a wave of pain crashing through the entire left side of my upper body._

_"Magnus--"_

_I cried out as he bit me again, hard enough to break the skin. I jerked underneath him, but his clutch on my wrists tightened and I remained pinned beneath him. He continued sinking his teeth into my flesh._

_"Magnus! Stop! Please!" I begged, my cries strangled as he tore the flesh from my shoulder bone._

_When the warlock raised his head to look at me, the breath rushed out of my lungs. His eyes were completely black and my blood dripped from his mouth. When he smiled maliciously, I caught the glimmer of two razor sharp fangs amidst his bloodstained teeth. He lowered his head and proceeded to gnaw on my flesh..._

My body gave a jolt, snapping me back into consciousness. I panicked for a moment when all I could see was darkness, but then quickly remembered where I was. The walls of the box still enclosed me in tight confinement. The air inside was heavy and moist, but my throat was still raw from screaming.

There was a dull thudding noise echoing rapidly inside the container. I craned my neck and strained to hear where it was coming from. When I realized the noise was not from outside the box, I bit back a cry of panic. I pressed my palms against the bottom of the box and slid them around, searching for anything that might be crawling underneath me. My sharp intake of breath rang in my ears as my fingers touched something warm. I exhaled, though, when I realized I had only touched my thigh. But something was wrong. I pressed my hand against my thigh and felt the tremors passing through me like currents of electricity. My entire body was shaking. The trembling in my legs, I discovered, was making my boots tap against the side of the container.

I groaned and let my head fall back against the floor of the container. My body was shivering and I felt frozen, but when I brushed the back of my hand against my forehead I felt the fever burning in my skin. I wondered if that was the reason behind my hallucinations, or if the remnants of demon blood still floating in my system were really to blame.

All my hallucinations had been about Magnus, which made them all the more terrifying. At one point I'd turned my head and found Magnus laying beside me inside the container. Though it was still pitch black, I could feel it was him. I had been too overwhelmed with relief to even question how he had managed to fit inside with me. The comfort of his presence vanished, however, when he reached up and placed his hand over my mouth. His thumb and index finger pinched my nostrils shut and his palm formed a tight seal over my lips. I clawed at him as he suffocated me, but my struggle was futile. He did not utter a single word as he stole the life from me.

At another point, I'd been asleep when the lid of the container suddenly flew open. Magnus leaned over the edge to look down at me, his face soft with relief. He reached down and cupped my cheek in his palm.

"Magnus," I breathed, a single tear escaping my eye.

"It's ok," he said. "It'll all be over soon."

Something in his voice brought a sinking feeling to my stomach. When I tried to sit up, Magnus pressed his hand to my chest and firmly pushed me back down.

"Magnus, get me out," I pleaded, still fighting claustrophobia even though the lid was open.

"Alec," Magnus said, as if talking to an uncomprehending child. "I can't give Sebastian the Book of White." When I gawped at him, he clarified, "You have to stay in here."

"What?"

"It's ok," Magnus repeated. "It'll all be over soon."

The lid slammed shut again. As I lay there in shocked stupor, a loud thumping noise sounded above me. Though the noise never stopped, as it began to fade I became aware that I was being buried alive. My heart almost tore free from my chest as I raked my nails against the lid and screamed, and screamed, and screamed...

I shuddered at the memory and shifted my body, feeling the stickiness of blood and sweat against my skin. It occurred to me then that I could not feel any pain in my wounds. Aside from a dull throbbing in my head and the chills from fever, I felt numb.

_Is this what death feels like_? I wondered. _Numb, empty, hollow_...

As if sensing my growing state of calm, the lid tore open and I was yanked out of the container. The room spun as I became vertical, and I moaned as bile rose up in my throat. The bald Shadowhunter threw me over his shoulder as if I weighed no more than a child. He carried me down a dark hall and into a brightly lit room. I flinched against the unforgiving light. The Shadowhunter bent over and dropped me on the floor, winding me.

As I struggled to catch my breath, I turned my head and surveyed the room. It was cold and made of stone, like all the others. Besides a small makeshift fire pit made of cinderblocks and the two guards, the room was free of any other visible torture devices. The soft crackling of the fire made my eyelids heavy.

Sebastian was standing near the fire pit with his back to me. When he turned, the flames cast flickering shadows across the side of his face with a sort of lethal beauty. The reddish flare reflected in his dark eyes, enhancing his deadly stare. He held up my cell phone.

"These are lovely pictures you have on here, Alec. Your _boyfriend_ ," he spat the word, "is very photogenic."

I rolled onto my stomach and tucked my knees underneath me. My arms wobbled under the toil of getting onto all fours. The effort exhausted me. I remained in that position, wheezing as I tried to catch my breath.

Sebastian crouched down beside me and tilted his head, curious. "I'll bet he's a real riot in bed."

Sebastian backhanded me as I lunged at him. I landed, grunting, back on my side. Sebastian knelt over me and wrapped his hand around my throat, drawing my face closer to his.

"When we're finished here," he whispered, his voice frozen with revulsion, "he'll never want to touch you again."

He thrust me backwards as he released me, cracking my head against the stone floor. Spots danced in front of my eyes. Before I could recover, Sebastian snapped his fingers and the two guards descended on me.

I took kicks to my stomach and back simultaneously. As my body curled reflexively into a ball, another blow struck the center of my back, forcing the air from my lungs and sending sparks of pain down my spine. I choked, tasting blood and fighting to breathe.

The Shadowhunter with the piercings bent in front of me and drew a dagger from his weapons belt. The silver blade flashed as he reached for me. I waited as he leaned forward then threw my fist into his jaw. The swing was weak, but it whipped his head to the side and left a red splotch on his skin. When he turned back to me, his eyes blazed. He snatched my elbow in a bone crushing grip and ripped the blade through the flesh of my arm, opening my bicep.

My cry was silenced by a kick to my ribs. I wrapped my arms around my center and curled in on myself. The guards circled me like a pair of vultures. There was a moment of silence before a scream tore from my lips as the dagger was plunged down into the side of my thigh. As quickly as it was thrust in, it was yanked back out. My breaths coming shallow and rapid, I placed a shaky hand over the wound. Blood oozed between my fingers.

"Hold up, boys," Sebastian interrupted, halting the attack. "Time to call in an order for delivery."

The sound of the dial tone filled the room, followed by the music of numbers being dialed. The call was on speaker phone. Sebastian walked over and crouched beside me again, studying my face as I counted the rings.

_One_...

_Two_...

_Three_...

_Four_...

"Alec?"

My eyes filled with tears and my heart skipped a beat as Jace's voice flowed through my ears. Sebastian held the phone closer to me and raised his eyebrows expectantly.

"Jace." My voice shook, both with relief and pain.

"Alec! Are you all right?"

Sebastian's hand shot out and clamped over my mouth before I could reply. He brought the phone closer to himself and grinned. "Hello, Jace."

There was a deafening pause. "Sebastian. You son of a bitch."

"Right back at you," Sebastian replied lightly. "Hello, Magnus."

Again, a hesitation on the other end of the line. "Magnus isn't here," Jace growled.

Sebastian's nails dug into my cheeks. "Lie to me again and I will slit Alec's throat here and now."

Static echoed through the room, followed by a quick beep.

"Sebastian."

I squeezed my eyes shut against the overflow of tears. My hand and pants were now soaked in blood. Inside me, I felt an overpowering need to say goodbye.

"Hello, Magnus. How are you enjoying the single life?"

Jace's voice came on again. "Let me speak to Alec."

Sebastian looked down at me, contemplating the demand. "You want to hear Alec's voice?"

"Yes."

"All right."

Sebastian straightened and I sucked in a breath as his hand released my face. He turned and walked back to the fire pit. With his free hand, he reached in and removed a fire iron. The end glowed red and white. I slid my body back as he brought it over to me, desperate to get away.

"Flip him over."

I was pushed onto my stomach. Each guard pressed a knee into my upper arms and pinned my wrists to the floor with their hands. My body tensed, waiting for the new level of pain.

"No!" I begged, my forehead pressing into the floor. "Please, no!"

"Are you listening, Jace?"

Sebastian pressed the iron against my skin at my lower back. I heard my flesh sizzle before the white hot agony scalded me. I arched into the floor, straining to get away from the heat. My screaming persisted long after the iron was removed.

"Did you get that?" Sebastian asked, voice vacant of all emotion.

"I'm going to kill you," Jace hissed.

The iron scorched my skin again, this time along my shoulder blade. I convulsed under the contact. My screams escalated as Sebastian pushed the flat of the iron down harder, burning through the layers of skin and into the tissue and muscle.

"Stop!" Jace cried.

The pressure of the iron disappeared, but the heat continued eating away at my flesh. I gritted my teeth and pushed my forehead into the floor, praying the pressure would divert my attention from the burns.

_Pass out_. I wordlessly implored myself. _Please, just pass out_.

"What do you want from us?" Jace demanded.

"The Book of White."

"I know that," Jace retorted impatiently. "How do we get it to you?"

"You and Magnus are going to meet me in Central Park. When the Book of White is safely in my hands, I'll give you Alec's location."

"I'm not handing you the book until you lead us to Alec, alive."

"Don't test me, Jace," Sebastian warned.

I flinched, waiting for another burst of searing pain.

"Fine," Jace agreed reluctantly. "When do we meet you?"

"In one hour. Oh, and, Jace? You should know, I have my Shadowhunters on speed dial. They have been instructed to end Alec's life if they see my number pop up on their phones. If anything should happen to disrupt our trade, or if you think about cheating me--"

"The deal goes both ways," Jace cut in. "Alec better be alive when we get him back."

The iron clanged against the stone floor as Sebastian tossed it aside. He snapped his fingers again and the guards released me and flipped me over. I gasped as the pressure agitated my burns, but relaxed slightly as the cool floor extinguished some of the heat. Sebastian gave a single nod and held the phone out.

The bald Shadowhunter positioned himself beside the calf of my injured leg. Before I could register what he was doing, he jumped up and slammed his boot down on my shin. My bone snapped under his massive weight.

My back arched and my fingers clawed at the floor as fresh agony ripped through my body. I could hear my delayed inhuman scream on the other end of the line.

"Does that sound alive to you?" Sebastian shouted over my cries.

"Please," I whimpered, my voice hoarse and my body wracking with spasms.

Sebastian leaned toward me, his eyes glittering with a renewed interest. "What?"

"Please," I whispered. "Kill me."

Sebastian smirked victoriously. "Magnus, Jace, don't screw this up, or I might just grant Alec his wish."

"Alec! We're coming! Just hang on!"

"Jace..." My voice broke.

"See you in one hour." Sebastian disconnected the call. He glanced over at the guards. "They're not going to meet me in Central Park; they'll be on their way here. Give him another dose of demon blood and lock him in the box. By the time they find him, dead or alive, I'll have found the book at the warlock's place and disappeared."

"You sure you know where it is?" The bald Shadowhunter grunted.

Sebastian's eyes twinkled. "A very reliable vampiress told me where it might be hidden."

I was once again hefted onto the guard's shoulder. He lugged me back the way we came, ignoring my moans and yelps. He dumped me back into the container and pushed his hand against my jaw, turning my face. Under all the other pain I barely felt the pinch of the needle as it pierced my neck.

The lid slammed shut just as the demon blood took effect. I thrashed inside the tight quarters. My entire body had been ignited by fire. I fell in and out of hallucinations. Every scream that ripped from my mouth brought the sensation of swallowing razor blades to my throat. I pushed the heels of my palms into my eyes as sobs wracked my body. The pain, physical and mental, was too much to bear. I couldn't survive this anymore, not for another day, not for another hour, not for another minute.

"Kill me!" I shouted to the darkness. "Kill me!"


	10. Hell's Halls

I slid two daggers and a seraph blade into my weapons belt before bending over to slip a small knife in my boot. When I straightened, Magnus was still pacing the armory restlessly. He stopped midstride when he noticed me staring.

"Aren't you taking anything?" I queried.

Magnus waggled his fingers. "I'm covered."

I pulled on a pair of black leather gloves, cut off at the knuckles. "Do we have time to renew my runes?"

"No."

I twisted my body, testing the flexibility of my gear. "You're right. Better we didn't. We ought to give those bastards a fighting chance."

"We're not going in to fight," Magnus said heatedly, unamused. "As soon as we have Alec, we're gone."

"I don't think I can leave any of those sons of bitches behind unscathed. Every one of them deserves to die."

"Well tough," Magnus said as he strode by me, pushing me aside with his arm. "I'll need to bring Alec back here pronto so I can heal him."

I watched as Magnus reached out his hand and began uttering an incantation. Blue sparks burst forth from his fingertips as a portal began to form in front of us. I bounced up and down on the balls of my feet, my heart pounding in my chest. Every minute that passed was torture; the thought of Alec being just on the other side set my adrenaline ablaze.

Magnus turned to me as he finished the spell, his cat eyes fierce. "You'll have to cover your own ass for a while. Between carrying Alec and reopening the portal, I won't be able to help you."

I grabbed the lapels of the warlock's leather jacket and pulled him towards me, my face deadpan. "Magnus, if you have to leave me behind to save Alec, don't you dare think twice about it."

Magnus searched my face before reluctantly nodding. He straightened as I released him. "Are you ready?"

I swallowed hard. "You're sure this will take us to Alec?"

Magnus hesitated, sending a shiver down my spine. Without looking at me, he whispered, "I hope so."

The warlock tightly gripped my hand in his and bolted forward into the portal. Wind whipped at my hair and shrieked in my ears. My stomach did a flip at the dizzying sensation. I clamped my fingers tighter around Magnus's hand as his skin began to slip...

Our feet suddenly slammed against solid ground. I opened my eyes and exhaled a breath I had absently been holding. Magnus released my hand and spun around, searching for any unwanted presences.

We were in a circular room made of stone lit by a single flickering light bulb swinging from the ceiling. There was a solid wall at our backs, the only exit an archway that led into a dim hall.

"Where the hell are we?" I whispered.

"This is the right place," Magnus replied, his voice hushed. "I saw similar images of rooms like this when I was tracking Alec."

I scratched my head. "It feels like we're underground. How does Sebastian get cell reception in here?"

Magnus cuffed me on the back of my head and raised a finger to his lips. Wincing and rubbing the tender spot, I pulled out my witchlight and seraph blade. We crept forward, cautiously peering into the shadows before making out way down the hall. I lowered the glowing witchlight in my left hand, illuminating the path at our feet. The hall stretched out endlessly until we finally came upon a room on our right.

I sidled along the cold wall before peering around the corner and into the room. The room was vacant. My blood boiled as I caught sight of a fire iron laying discarded on the floor. The soft snapping of the still-burning fire charred my ears. Alec's screams echoed in my mind as I stared at the bloodstains on the floor.

I turned as Magnus shifted beside me. He pressed his palm to the stones before his face and whispered a quick incantation. When he removed his hand, a strange symbol, glowing with electric blue light, remained. As quickly as it had appeared, the symbol began to fade until it disappeared completely.

"What are you doing?"

"These are symbols only warlocks can see," Magnus murmured. "I'm marking a path for us."

We pressed on in silence, checking every room that we stumbled upon. The contents lining the walls in a few of the smaller cells made me cringe. Every minute that passed accelerated my heart beat. Every second brought us closer to Sebastian's return, and for every of those seconds that ticked away, Alec's life dwindled.

We suddenly came to a fork in the shadows. I looked at Magnus and shrugged my shoulders. He looked left and right, squinting into the darkness. After a moment he stepped in front of me, his body angled towards the right tunnel. He pressed his hand to the wall and inhaled deeply.

"This way. I can feel him."

I blinked. Alec was my _parabatai_ and I couldn't sense him at all. How was Magnus able to perceive Alec's location when I couldn't? Why couldn't I feel him? We were brothers, _parabatai_ , bound to each other. Was it possible that Magnus's love for Alec was stronger than mine?

"Jace." Magnus tilted his head, indicating for me to follow.

The tunnels turned us in every direction, drawing us deeper into the labyrinth shadows. Magnus rhythmically placed his symbols as we continued our search. Before long I could feel my pulse hammering in my throat. Sweat beaded on the back of my neck. I inwardly cursed myself for not bringing a watch.

A large room appeared on the left. I stepped into the open archway warily and scouted the room. There were no Shadowhunters, but a large box sat in the center of the floor. My soft breathing cut through the eerie silence like a knife. I retraced my steps back into the hall, but Magnus grabbed my arm. I narrowed my eyes at him questioningly.

The warlock's eyes were wide, focused on the box. "Alec," he breathed.

My witchlight pulsed as the flames in my blood froze over. "He's in there?"

Magnus rushed forward. He stared at the side of the container, confused, before hurrying around to the other side. I followed him, my breaths coming shallow and rapid. Three locks sealed the container shut. Without a moment's hesitation, Magnus set to work on unlocking them, starting on the left. Blue sparks burst like fireworks from his fingertips. His brow furrowed in concentration. I glanced up and checked the entryway as the first lock fell free.

My hands trembled as I slid my seraph blade back into my weapons belt and pocketed my witchlight. My pulse jumped as the second lock clattered against the floor. I fell to my knees on Magnus's right, positioning the heels of my palms under the lip of the lid. The final lock had not yet touched the ground before I pushed upwards and threw the lid open.

Magnus sucked in a sharp intake of breath just as my bottom jaw dropped. Neither of us could choke out a single word. We knelt there, speechless, gaping at the mortifying scene inside the box.

Alec was naked from the waist up, his skin stained red with blood from cuts snaking across his body. A blood soaked bandage had been taped to his shoulder, but all the other wounds remained exposed and trickling blood. As my eyes roamed over Alec's body I noticed two small puncture wounds, one in the crook of his elbow and another in the side of his neck. Spidery veins, dark red and blue in color, spread out from the small holes. I watched the tremors wracking Alec's body and cursed.

"They used demon blood."

Magnus was closely inspecting Alec's leg. "I think this bone might be broken. We need to get him back to the Institute. Now."

I reached down and lightly shook my _parabatai_ 's shoulder. Alec turned his head towards us and slowly opened his eyes, blinking rapidly. He moaned as his eyes focused on Magnus.

"No..."

"Alec?" Magnus's eyes glittered.

Alec pushed the heels of his hands into his eyes. "You're not real."

Magnus gently pressed his fingers against Alec's wrist. "It's me. Jace is here, too."

"No, no, no." Alec shook his head furiously. "Leave me alone!"

"Magnus, what's wrong with him?" I demanded.

"He thinks he's hallucinating."

"Alec," I said soothingly, "we're here now. I told you on the phone we were coming to get you, remember? I told you to hang on--"

"Shut up!" Alec cried and began raking his nails over his closed eyes.

"Get out of the way!" Magnus shoved me aside and pressed his hand against Alec's forehead.

Alec's body went limp and his arms fell to his sides. Faint scratch marks stretched from his eyebrows, over his eye lids and down to the tops of his cheeks. Magnus reached down, bent awkwardly over the wall of the container, and slipped one arm under Alec's neck and the other under his knees. He lifted Alec out of the box and cradled him against his chest, adjusting him so Alec's head rested against his shoulder.

"What did you do to him?" I asked, my voice unsteady.

"I just sedated him." Magnus pressed his cheek to Alec's head. "He's burning up."

I nodded and whipped out my seraph blade and witchlight. "Let's go."

Magnus took the lead, his gaze darting left and right as he searched for the invisible symbols. I ran after him, constantly checking over my shoulder for anyone giving chase. The sound of our hurried footsteps bounced off the walls, following us as we dashed through the darkness.

"Almost there!" Magnus called back to me.

The familiar dead end came into view. We passed through the archway and came to a halt in the center of the room.

"Magnus, get the portal--"

My words broke off as I noticed two Shadowhunters watching us. The larger of the two, a bald beast of a man, had his arms crossed across his bulky chest, eyeing us with amusement. The other, a blonde with an ear full of silver hoops, was spinning a blade idly in his hand.

"Magnus," I growled as I stepped in front of the warlock, my blood thawing with rage, "get the portal open."

"Going so soon?" the beefy Shadowhunter taunted. "We haven't quite finished having fun with your friend."

"There's loads of fun to be had in the deepest pits of hell," I shot back. "I hear the weather there is very nice this time of year."

The Shadowhunter guffawed. "I'm going to enjoy killing you."

"Bring it on, bitch."

The Shadowhunter charged at me, unsheathing his seraph blade. I raced at him, dropping to the floor before we could make contact. I slid between his legs and sliced at his calf with my seraph blade. He roared as the flesh separated, but turned and slashed at me. I bent backwards and the blade passed over me with a whistle. I rolled out of the way and leapt to my feet.

The Shadowhunter was already on me. I barely raised my blade in time to block his blow. The ring of our blades filled the room as they clanged against each other. The Shadowhunter pushed downwards, inching his weapon closer to my neck. I glanced over his shoulder and saw the nearly reopened portal.

Grunting, I pushed upwards with my blade hard enough to break contact. With a yell, my enemy swung at me from the side. I dropped to my knees, and as the seraph blade sailed over my head, I plunged my weapon into the Shadowhunter's gut. He released a choked gasp as the blade sliced clean through his gear. I shoved him back, leaving my weapon protruding from his middle as he crashed to the floor.

"Jace! Watch out!"

I spun on my knees, reaching for the knife in my boot a second too late. When I came to a stop, the second Shadowhunter was leaning over me. His own blade was poised above his head, ready to plunge into me, and the corner of his mouth was curved into a small smile. But his blade never descended on me. He remained in the middle of his attack, frozen.

I looked over my shoulder, baffled. Magnus was standing by the portal, his hand extended, glints of blue emanating from his fingers. Alec was laying at his feet, still unconscious and shaking. I pushed myself to my feet and rushed at them, scooping my _parabatai_ up into my arms.

"I thought I told you to leave me," I panted.

Magnus lowered his hand, but the Shadowhunter remained immobile. "He needs you." He looked at me, serious. "And so do I."

I studied the warlock's face, unsure of the hidden meaning behind his words. Finding no words of my own, I gave him a single nod. Together, we positioned Alec between us, each of us wrapping one of his arms around our shoulders. Magnus wrapped his left arm around Alec's waist. I reached my right arm around my parabatai's back, but instead of resting my hand on his hip, I closed my fingers around Magnus's wrist. I tightened my grip, hoping, praying, the connection would not be broken. As one, Magnus and I stepped forward into the portal, passing from one hell into another.


	11. Gone

Alec tossed and trembled in his fever-ridden slumber. In between his murmurings of indistinct words I caught the soft call of my name. I gingerly dabbed the skin of his bloodied chest with a wet cloth, my eyes never leaving his face. A collage of dark bruises now covered his entire torso, slashed here and there by cuts and stab wounds. I grabbed a fresh cloth and pressed the cool, damp material to my _parabatai_ 's forehead. Alec sighed softly.

"Talk to me, Magnus."

The warlock looked up as he finished cutting open the legs of Alec's pants. "I don't even know where to start."

I grimaced as I looked at Alec's bare leg; the flesh from his knee down was dark purple and swollen. Magnus shrugged off his jacket, letting the leather fall to the floor, and placed his palm over Alec's shin, making my _parabatai_ flinch.

"There's a break and internal bleeding here." Magnus straightened and rubbed a hand over his face, sighing heavily.

"What's wrong?" I asked, alarmed.

"The bone has already started to set, but not in the right position." Magnus looked at me, his eyes hard. "I'm going to have to re-break it before I can heal it properly."

"So?" I said, perplexed by his melodramatics. "Just keep him out cold and do what you need to do."

"Jace," Magnus hissed, "you don't understand. I cannot keep Alec comatose _and_ re-break his leg _and_ heal him at the same time. Even if I did manage to do so without passing out, there's no way I'd have enough energy left to tend to the demon blood poisoning afterwards."

"Then we don't have a choice, do we?" I muttered, more to myself than to Magnus. "What do you need me to do?"

"You're going to have to hold him down. The intensity of the pain is going to wake him up instantly. Just keep him still so I can heal his leg faster."

I removed the cloth from Alec's forehead and tossed it onto the vacant infirmary bed beside us. I scratched my head, debating which position would give me the best grip without hurting him.

"It's probably best if you just get on top of him," Magnus instructed, answering my unasked question.

"What?" Heat flooded into my cheeks, despite the warlock's casual tone.

Glowering at me, Magnus raised his hand and I felt my feet lift from the floor. I hovered above Alec's bed, bending my knees when told to do so. Magnus set me down gently with my legs straddling my _parabatai_ 's hips. My embarrassment ebbed as I stared down at Alec's face, twitching and damp with sweat. I kept my body raised and my weight balanced on my knees, awaiting further instruction.

"Scoot back so you're sitting on his thighs and hold his shoulders down."

"What about the stab wound in his thigh?"

"That will be the least of his worries. Are you ready?"

I slid back and repositioned myself, pushing Alec's shoulder into the mattress with my right hand and pressing my left hand into his pectoral to avoid touching the wound hidden under the bloodstained gauze pad. The fever-induced heat of Alec's skin burned my palm. I took a deep breath and exhaled, collecting myself.

"Okay."

"Keep him still."

There was a moment of silence before the sharp crack sounded behind me. Alec's eyes flew open and his chest arched under my hands, an ear-splitting scream bringing tears to my eyes. He panted heavily and thrashed underneath me. His movements, though still weak, were stronger than I had anticipated. I pressed more of my weight onto him to hold him down.

"Alec," I said softly, "it's okay."

"Just kill me," Alec whimpered. "Please, just kill me."

I leaned forward and pressed my forehead gently against his. "I'm not going to let you die."

Alec's hand lifted to grasp my arm, his unfocused blue eyes gazing into mine. "Jace?"

"I'm here."

A pain-filled tear slipped from Alec's eye and followed the path of the cut spreading down the side of his face. He blinked rapidly. "You're not real."

"Yes I am," I insisted. "You're not hallucinating, Alec. You're home now. I'm here for you, and so is Magnus."

At the mention of the warlock's name, Alec's eyes widened and he dug his nails into my arm. "Please don't let him touch me, Jace."

I straightened, still pinning Alec down, as Magnus appeared beside us. The hurt in his tired eyes was unmistakable. The warlock reached out to touch Alec's cheek, but pulled his hand back when Alec flinched away from him, his eyes filled with terror.

"Get away from me," Alec said weakly, pleading.

Magnus reached out again without saying a word. Alec's body went limp again as the warlock's fingers pressed against his forehead. I carefully slid off the bed and rested my hand on Magnus's shoulder.

"He's not himself," I reminded him sympathetically.

Magnus shrugged my hand off. "It doesn't matter."

"Alec loves you." My voice was firm. "Demon blood isn't going to change that."

"We'll see." Magnus set to work on the puncture wounds at Alec's elbow and neck.

My jaw set and my hands clenched, I hurried to the other side of Alec's bed and glared at the warlock, willing him to look at me. The daggers I was shooting out of my eyes didn't even faze him.

"What are you saying, Bane?"

Magnus kept his eyes trained on Alec, the blue sparks from his fingers radiating under my _parabatai_ 's pale skin. "I should leave him, Jace."

My face fell, taken aback. "What are you talking about?"

Magnus looked at me through the tops of his eyes, his magic still at work. "There is a chance that Alec is going to die in this bed. I don't know if I can fix the all damage in time to save him. Let's say he lives, though. You saw the way he looked at me just now. Alec is petrified of me--"

"Because of his hallucinations," I interjected.

"Yes, because of the demon blood. That's not my point. The damage to Alec's mental state is substantial. He may eventually overcome this fear of me, but from that point on, whenever he looks at me, all he'll be able to associate me with is the time Sebastian spent torturing him. His suffering will never end as long as I'm near him."

"You don't know that. Your faith in Alec is shaken. He's more resilient than you think. You're his saving grace, Magnus, not his torment."

"Is this the same resilience he carried after I dumped him?" Magnus scoffed. "Give it a rest, Jace."

I kept my voice calm against the tidal wave of fury inside me. "You're just scared, Magnus. You're afraid of losing him."

Magnus was silent for a moment. "I walked away from him without a backward glance, but to have him ripped from me..."

I watched the slight rise and fall of Alec's chest. "Why don't you just block his memory, like you did with Clary?"

"I would never!" Magnus growled, as if offended by my suggestion. "Not without his consent."

"Why not?"

"His memories are not mine to take." The warlock's eyes caressed Alec's face. "Besides, I know how it feels when someone secretly tries to take something of yours that is not his or hers to take. Alec would never forgive me if he found out, and I would never forgive myself."

I started to say more but the words died in my throat as my mouth suddenly went dry. I stared harder at Alec's chest, my heart racing.

"Magnus--"

"I'm not putting a block in his mind, Jace. Just drop it."

"Magnus!" I yelled impatiently. "I don't think Alec is breathing."

The warlock's head snapped up. "What?"

"His chest isn't moving."

Magnus pressed his fingers against Alec's wrist, his eyes panicked as he searched for a pulse. A searing pain suddenly burst through my chest. I cried out and fell forward, barely catching myself on shaky arms before I could collapse on top of Alec. It felt like a clawed hand was squeezing and pulling at my hearts and lungs. Dry heaves wracked my body as my _parabatai_ rune began to scorch my skin. I could feel blood seeping into my gear.

"Magnus--" I gritted my teeth against the agony, my fingers clenching around fistfuls of bed sheets.

"His heart stopped."

Magnus placed his hand over Alec's chest and zapped him with a jolt of blue electricity. Alec's body arched, but remained motionless after. I groaned, the pain stinging my eyes with tears. Magnus jolted my _parabatai_ again, all the blood rushing from his face when Alec was still unresponsive. The warlock stepped back, breathing heavily, his hands in his hair.

"Magnus," I begged, still hunched over, "save him. _Please_."

Magnus looked at me, frightened and lost. When his yellow eyes fell again on Alec's face, a look of clarity and determination passed over him. He stepped up to the bed and placed his hands, one on top of the other, onto Alec's chest. Magnus rhythmically began pushing down, flashes of blue appearing with each compression. With lightning speed, he reached over and tilted Alec's head back and pinched his nostrils before covering Alec's lips with his own, breathing into him.

I curled my fingers around Alec's still-warm hand, praying soundlessly as the pain continued to rip my insides to shreds. Magnus repeated the process over and over, a constant sapphire light emanating from his hands as his compressions became more frantic. He breathed into Alec again.

"Come on." He started the compressions once more. "Come on!"

_Alec_. I clenched my _parabatai_ 's hand tighter. _Don't leave me. Please, Alec. Don't let go_.

Magnus pulled his mouth away from Alec's and studied him. Tears streamed from his furious blazing eyes. He raised his hand and a crackling ball of blue light began to form in his palm.

"Alexander Gideon Lightwood," he shouted through gritted teeth, "you get your ass back here _now_!"

The warlock slammed the ball of light into Alec's chest. Ripples of silver-blue glimmers spread from Alec's center to the rest of his body as his back arched up off the bed. His eyes tore open and he sucked in a long gasp of air, jackknifing himself into a sitting position.

The pain in my chest ceased as suddenly as if someone had snapped their fingers. I took a minute to catch my breath as the shock left my body trembling. Alec was still sitting up, staring at his feet, traumatized. His breathing was ragged, but he was alive.

The overwhelming relief almost sent me crumbling to the floor. Instead I wrapped my arms around my _parabatai_ , holding his head against my shoulder and breathing in his scent. My own tears dripped down the naked skin on his back, snaking paths down to the blistering scorch marks that disfigured his flesh.

"Jace," Alec sobbed softly, tremors returning to his body as his arms closed around me.

"Don't you ever do that again," I said, my voice breaking.

"Jace," Alec repeated, as if he still couldn't believe I was there holding him.

I stroked his hair. "You're okay. Let's lay you down, Alec."

I gently rested my _parabatai_ back against the mattress. Alec reluctantly unwrapped his arms from around me, his face haggard and paler than the white pillow behind his head. I pushed his dark hair back from his forehead, watching his breathing intently. My heart began to slow as the rise and fall of Alec's chest evened out.

"Jace?"

"Yeah?" Alec's startlingly blue eyes caught mine. "I'm really tired."

"Okay," I whispered. "Go to sleep."

Alec reached for my hand. "Will you stay with me?"

I tightened my fingers around his, a gentle squeeze. "You're not getting rid of me that easily."

A small smile tugged at Alec's lips before his head lolled to the side, his face peaceful. I exhaled and ran my free fingers through my hair. The weight that had been crushing me had been lifted, but I felt odd, like there was no longer anything holding me to the earth. I wondered if it was a result of the shock. When I looked up, the question poised on my lips, Magnus Bane was gone.


	12. Remedy

Breaking my promise to Alec was about as easy as walking barefoot through a puddle of broken glass. I carefully pried his fingers loose of mine and walked around the bed, my eyes fixed on my _parabatai_. Every step I took widened the hole singeing my gut. Only when I passed through the infirmary doors, positive Alec was still resting, did I turn away, reaching for the phone in my pocket.

My mind was whirling, ablaze with a million thoughts and questions. I scrolled through my mental list of insulting names, debating which one to call Magnus first. I looked up as my fingers closed around my cell and stopped dead in my tracks.

The warlock was sitting on the floor farther down the hall, his knees drawn up and his forehead resting on his folded arms, hiding his face. I started towards him slowly, as if approaching a frightened animal.

"Magnus?"

When the warlock remained inert, I seated myself beside him, legs crossed and thumbs twiddling in my lap. I scoured my brain for words of comfort. Magnus was an enigma; I had no idea which emotions were swirling in his glittery head. Relief? Anger? Hurt? Envy? How could you ease the pain when you couldn't find the wound?

I cleared my throat. "Thank you."

Magnus was still for a moment longer before turning his face towards me. His eyes were dull, exhausted, and the color had drained from his face. He looked...wrong, as if the wildness that had once roared inside of him had not been tamed, but savagely broken. The brutality of Alec's distress had taken its toll.

"Thank you for saving Alec."

Magnus leaned his head back against the wall and whispered, "He died."

"And you brought him back."

"But why?" Magnus asked. "I want to believe that it was because you were begging me to, but I truly think I only brought him back for my own selfish reasons."

"Love is selfish," I murmured.

Magnus's voice was hushed, "Do you think it would have been better if we'd just let him go?"

"No," I said firmly. "And don't even bother bringing up the 'ending his suffering' crap. I'd rather wait as long as it takes to see Alec recover and live happily for another seventy years than put him out of his misery, and if that makes me egoistic then spank my sculpted ass and call me selfish."

"I'm not partial to spanking."

"Then you're welcome to kiss my magnificently sculpted ass."

Magnus chuckled, visibly relaxing. "You certainly have a way with words, Jace Herondale."

"Along with a couple other God-given gifts below the belt." When the warlock shot a look at me, I raised my hands. "What? My knees are fabulous. Very symmetrical and sexy. And bendy."

Magnus rolled his eyes, though not without a small grin. "Keep it in your pants, Shadowhunter."

I picked at an invisible stain on my gear. "You're not going to leave him, are you?"

"I don't know," Magnus sighed. "I suppose it would be rather rude of me to walk away without discussing it with Alec."

"It would be very rude, indeed," I agreed.

"Is he still asleep?"

I pushed myself to my feet and dusted off my hands. "As far as I know."

"Good. I'll finish healing the rest of his wounds."

I offered my hand to Magnus and gave a sharp tug when he accepted it. The warlock brushed off his backside, but froze when he noticed me staring at him, his brow furrowing.

"Thank you for saving Alec's life, Magnus," I repeated.

He inclined his head. "You're welcome."

I rubbed the back of my neck. "I think common protocol suggests that this is the part where I hug you."

Magnus's face scrunched up, as if the thought made him feel awkward. He reached out and patted me on the head, three light, tentative taps. "Will that suffice?"

"Hell yes," I said, starting for the infirmary.

Magnus was in close pursuit. We separated at the foot of Alec's bed, one of us standing on either side. The warlock pressed the back of his hand to Alec's forehead and inspected my _parabatai_ 's elbow.

"His fever's gone down, and the discoloration in his veins has receded."

"So the demon blood poisoning is gone?" I queried, hopeful.

Magnus brushed his fingers against the puncture site on Alec's neck. "Not quite."

"But you said--"

"His fever is still too high for there to be no infections present," Magnus interrupted. He pointed to the soiled bandage on Alec's shoulder. "Take that off, would you?"

I leaned over and delicately began peeling the tape from my _parabatai_ 's skin, falling completely still when Alec moaned in his sleep. Magnus quickly knocked him out with a spell and returned to the gash in Alec's bicep, muttering an incantation while the flesh began to stitch itself back together. I stripped the remainder of the tape away and lifted the bandage, gagging as the foul sight and smell of the wound assaulted my senses.

Magnus grimaced. "There's the trouble maker."

The stab wound was deep, the surrounding flesh and skin mangled and lacerated, as if someone had twisted a blade that had been buried to the hilt. The dark bruise was speckled with spots of green, yellow and red, and the metallic odor reminded me of rotten meat. I imagined the look on Sebastian's blade as I shoved my own knife into him, watching the blood bubble in the corner of his mouth as I twisted it slowly...

"Jace," Magnus said, snapping me out of my reverie, "wrap up the cuts on his wrist while I work on his shoulder."

I grabbed some supplies from the pile stacked on the next bed over and, after applying a layer of antibiotic gel to the cuts, began wrapping clean white bandaging around Alec's wrist. I added a couple layers before securing the ends with medical tape and stepping back to admire my handiwork. Magnus was still working on the stab wound, his eyebrows knitted together and sweat beading on his forehead. The hole began to close, albeit rather sluggishly. Magnus let out a breath and moved his hand away. I stared at the lightened bruise and faint scar that remained, bitter memories.

"Are you all right?" I asked, concerned when the warlock leaned forward on his hands, his head bowed.

"I am extremely drained," Magnus said, so softly I barely heard him.

"Maybe you should take another break," I suggested.

"No." Magnus straightened, blinking away the drowsiness. "I want to finish this now. I'm going to flip Alec onto his side so I can look at his burns. I need you to hold him up."

I braced my hands against Alec's ribcage as Magnus turned him over and assessed the damage. He placed one hand against Alec's shoulder blade and the other at the small of his back. Blue beams of light cast shadows across the warlock's fatigued face as he worked. When the light vanished, he gave me a nod and I slowly let Alec roll onto his back. Magnus moved on to the injuries in Alec's thigh and hip. He covered the wounds with his palms and closed his eyes. The line of his jaw was hard and the lean muscles in his arms bulged as sapphire sparks dripped from Magnus's palm and into Alec's flesh. The raised scars left behind pulsed with silver-blue light long after Magnus moved his hands away.

"You look kind of green," I commented as Magnus stopped to catch his breath.

"And you look like a Twinkie dressed in leather," Magnus snapped. "Just shut up and let me help my boyfriend."

With heart-wrenching gentleness, Magnus pressed his palm to Alec's hipbone and slowly dragged his hand upwards, following the diagonal slash that reached up to Alec's shoulder. The healing effect reminded me of a zipper; the top portion of the cut remained open while the bottom half healed shut as the warlock's hand passed over. The light under Magnus's palm faded when he reached Alec's shoulder, but he did not pull his hand away. Instead he traced his finger back down the scar as it pulsed with a white glow. He then glided his fingers across Alec's bare stomach, smiling faintly when the tickle of his feather-light touch made my _parabatai_ twitch.

"There's nothing more I can do until I've had some rest," Magnus said, his eyes never leaving Alec's face.

"My room is just down the hall," I offered. "I'll be sleeping in here tonight."

"Thank you." Magnus pushed Alec's hair back from his forehead. "If he's in any pain when he wakes up, come get me."

"Sure."

Magnus leaned in closer to Alec's ear and whispered, "I love you."

I turned away as Magnus pressed his lips against Alec's, giving him some privacy. After trailing his fingers down Alec's cheek, Magnus turned and bent down to pick up the leather jacket still laying on the floor.

"Magnus," I called after him, before he could leave. "Don't do anything weird in my bedroom."

"And what classifies as weird?"

"Sleeping naked in my bed, trying on my clothes, using my toothbrush, those sorts of things."

"Sweetheart, I would never be caught dead wearing anything from your wardrobe." He winked. "And there are no guarantees that your pillows will be drool-free when I wake up."

When I was alone again with my _parabatai_ , I grabbed a chair and a blanket before switching off the infirmary lights and seating myself beside Alec's bed. Using my witchlight to see, I draped the blanket over him and settled back into my chair. Exhaustion tugged at my eyelids as I watched over him. Before long, I joined my brother in a dreamless slumber.

* * *

 

"Jace!"

Alec's scream lurched me back into awareness. I sat bolt upright in my chair and my witchlight flared to life. Alec was sitting up in bed, breathing hard, the blanket twisted in his clenched hands. He was shaking again, and his brilliantly blue eyes were wide with dread.

"It's okay, Alec." I hovered over him like a worried hen. "I'm right here."

"Turn on the lights," he begged.

Slipping my witchlight into Alec's clammy hand, I bolted over to the light switch and flicked on the lights, hurrying back to Alec's side in a flash. His breathing slowed as his fear slipped away with the banished darkness.

He handed me back my witchlight. "Thank you."

"I'm sorry," I apologized. "I thought turning off the lights would help you sleep."

"I don't like the dark." Alec stared blankly ahead. "Not since he put me in the box..."

"I won't do it again," I promised.

Alec turned to me, his face still frightened. "When I woke up and all I could see was darkness, I thought I'd dreamed you rescuing me. I thought I was locked inside the container again, bleeding to death, waiting for whatever twisted plan Sebastian came up with next."

"I will kill Sebastian before he ever lays a finger on you again."

Alec looked unconvinced. He wrung the blanket in his hands. "Jace, I'm sorry."

I gaped at my _parabatai_ , aghast. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm sorry for everything. For running out on you, for getting you caught up in this mess..." He looked at me, his eyes now filled with shame. "For begging to be dead."

"Alec, look at me." I grabbed my _parabatai_ 's chin when he refused to meet my eyes. "None of this is your fault. If anyone should have to apologize, it's me. I'm sorry for not being there to protect you."

"You were there. In my head, anyway. I thought about you a lot when I was..." Alec cleared his throat as his voice broke. "I told myself to be strong like you."

"Alexander Lightwood, you have _always_ been stronger than me." I grinned. "And if you tell anyone I said that I will write profanity on your face in permanent marker while you sleep."

The corner of Alec's lips tugged up into a crooked smile. He looked around. "Where's Magnus?"

The question caught me off guard, or rather the calmness behind the question. "He's getting his beauty sleep. Healing you up really took it out of him."

Alec nodded and glanced down at his bandaged wrist. Dropping the blanket, he trailed his fingers down the white material. He whispered something too soft to hear.

"Alec?"

"It's like he knew," Alec repeated.

"Who knew what?"

"Sebastian. It's like he knew." At my flabbergasted expression, Alec clarified, "The day with the...incident...in the training room, when I was back in my room, I put my seraph blade to my wrist. Just for a moment I thought I could control some of the pain, but I couldn't cut myself. I didn't have it in me. But Sebastian did it for me."

"You put a blade to your wrist?" I repeated, too shocked to say anything else.

Alec rubbed his arm uncomfortably. "I don't want to talk about it anymore."

Masking my disappointment, I nodded and changed the topic. "How's your pain?"

"My leg feels weird and my ribs are sore." He shrugged. "Everything else feels kind of tingly."

"That's probably a side effect of the roofie magic Magnus used to keep you under."

"Jace!"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Was that rude? Let me try again." I cleared my throat exaggeratedly. "Some of Magnus's flamboyance must have rubbed off on you."

"That's better," Alec conceded.

"Well, your scars aren't glowing anymore," I observed.

Alec looked down at his chest. "I was glowing?"

"Like a firefly." I paused in thought. "Or a pregnant woman."

Alec laughed, and the sound put me at ease. I sank back into my chair, my smile mirroring his. I laced my hands behind my head and leaned back.

"Do you want me to get you anything? Water?" I asked.

Alec thought for a moment, longing glittering in his eyes, but he shook his head. "I think I'm going to go back to sleep."

"Amen to that." I closed my eyes.

Alec lowered himself onto his back and pulled the blanket over his torso. "Jace? Don't turn the lights out."

I gave him a thumbs up. "It's like I used to tell the ladies: I like it better with the lights on."

"You're gross," Alec teased.

"You love me."

There was a pause. "Yeah. I do."

When I opened my eyes, Alec had already fallen fast asleep. I watched over him, listening to the lullaby of his soft breathing. My hand itched to reach out and touch him, but I refrained for fear of waking him up.

_I love you, too_.


	13. Forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right, folks! So I just wanted to step in and explain that this chapter was originally the ending for Forever Parabatai on FanFiction.com. However, after a lot of begging and encouragement from my followers, I decided to start it back up again. The next chapter is the (first) revival/continuation chapter. Enjoy! :)

_Clary was laying on her back in the shade under a weeping willow, her hair fanned out against the emerald green grass. She was smiling in her sleep, one hand resting behind her head and the other draped lazily across her stomach. The cascading golden material of her dress skimmed her slim figure and emphasized the fiery tones in her red curls. She was truly an eclipse personified; radiant, mesmerizing, beautiful._

_A warm breeze ruffled the branches of the weeping willow, and speckles of light filtering through the leaves danced over Clary's skin. Her smile widened, as if the sunlight's touch tickled her skin. She tilted her head back and inhaled the sweet scent of summer._

_I followed her lead, closing my eyes and drawing in summer's essence. I waited for the familiarity of fresh grass, the intoxication of clean air and the comfort of sunshine to wash over me. But I did not smell summer. The warm breeze carried a different scent, pungent and foul..._

I opened my eyes and nearly fell out of my chair to see Alec's face mere centimeters from mine. He was grinning ear to ear, pleased at his success in startling me. He blew a quick puff of air at my face before backing away. The familiar odor filled my nose.

"Dude," I groaned, "you _really_ need to brush your teeth."

"Nonsense." Alec seated himself at the foot of his bed, wincing slightly. "Morning breath works better than an alarm clock."

I yawned and rubbed my eyes. "How long have you been watching me sleep, creeper?"

"Not long. I was going to let you sleep, but you started grinning like an idiot, so I decided to have a little fun."

"Next time could you just stick my hand in a glass of warm water? The stench coming out of your mouth could be classified as a toxic weapon. I think it actually dissolved my nose hairs."

Alec crossed his arms. "Consider it a public service. No one wants to see your nose hairs."

I looked down. "That's pretty rich coming from a guy only wearing a towel."

"Shut up," Alec growled. "My pants didn't really qualify as pants anymore. They were more like 'Daisy Dukes' with attached denim mud flaps."

"So," I pointed an accusing finger at my _parabatai_ , "you were watching me sleep pretty much in the buff?"

I smirked triumphantly as Alec's cheeks burned.

"I am not in the buff."

I pressed on, relishing in the sweet satisfaction of vengeance. "Yikes, Alec. I mean there's Edward Cullen creepy, and then there's just plain wrong."

Alec threw up his hands. "Why did I wake you up? You're much less annoying when you're asleep."

"Yes, why did you wake me up?" I examined my fingernails. "Aside from needing a healthy daily dose of my cunning wit and charm."

"I wanted to go see Magnus. Which room is he sleeping in?"

"My room. I'll go get him," I offered. "I don't know if you should be walking around on your leg yet."

"No," Alec said firmly. "I've had my fill of laying down. Besides, I need something to do to take my mind off of..."

_Take your mind off what, Alec_? I thought. _Being sealed inside a dark container for hours on end? Being beaten an inch from death? Being sliced and stabbed like a raw steak? Being branded not once, but twice by Lucifer reincarnated? All of the above? Take your pick, Alec_.

"All right," I conceded, not daring to argue. "At least let me grab you some clothes first."

Alec agreed, and I returned a few minutes later with a plain blue t-shirt and a pair of baggy gray sweatpants. I turned away to give him some privacy while he dressed, giving him a couple minutes longer than necessary.

"How do I look?"

I glanced over my shoulder. Aside from the bandages on his wrist, the cut on his face and any bruises peeking out from under his clothes, Alec looked surprisingly normal. The brilliant glow of his blue eyes, complimented by the color of his t-shirt, drowned out the dark circles lurking just below.

I directed my eyes pointedly at his mussed hair. "Like you just rolled out of bed. Your warlock's favorite look."

Alec's small smile wavered, as if he suddenly felt very self-conscious. He moved for the hall, limping noticeably on his healing leg. I fell into step beside him, slowing my pace to match his. We ambled down the hallway in silence, except for the occasional sharp intake of breath when Alec accidentally put too much weight on his leg. Eventually we found ourselves standing outside my closed bedroom door.

Alec shifted uncomfortably. "Should I knock?"

"Technically it's my room, so I'm allowed to barge in unannounced whenever I please." I tilted my head. "However, I told Magnus not to sleep naked in my bed, so he probably did it just to spite me."

"Knocking it is." Alec rapped his knuckles lightly against the wooden door.

When there was no reply, I banged my fist against the door, loud enough to rouse any sleeping person inside. Silence called back to us. Feeling Alec's apprehensive eyes bore into me, I turned the knob and pushed the door open. My room was vacant. My bed had been made, the sheets unwrinkled and pulled taut as if it hadn't been slept in at all.

_Damn you, Magnus Bane_.

"Where is he, Jace?"

_Probably halfway around the world_.

I kept my voice level and steady. "I suppose he could have gone back to his place."

Alec was quiet for a moment, then he lightly bumped my arm. "Let's go."

"Go where?" I asked stupidly.

"To Magnus's."

"Alec--"

"Damn it, Jace," Alec cut in. "I'm going to Magnus's with or without you, so don't even bother."

I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose, dreading what would be waiting for us at the warlock's, or rather what _wouldn't_ be waiting. "Fine, but you need a mint or a stick of gum or something first. I refuse to walk down the street with a giant green stink cloud following us. It'll divert everyone's attention from me."

* * *

 

Much to Jace's irritation, I'd refused his insistence to take a cab to Magnus's. I needed the fresh air to clear my head so I could figure out what I wanted to say to him. I limped along briskly, too pissed to acknowledge the pain in my leg. My _parabatai_ had long ago given up on suggesting I stop to take a break, as well as trying to convince me to go back to the Institute because I was not 'in the right state of mind'. As far as I was concerned, there was a certain warlock I wanted to throttle for ditching out on me, and I was headed in the right direction to do so.

Before long, Jace and I were standing outside Magnus's place, staring at the buzzer.

"Are you sure you want to do this right now?" Jace asked.

I nodded my head, determined. "Will you buzz him? He might not let me up."

Jace shrugged and pushed the button, holding it a few seconds longer than needed.

"Bane."

I noticed Jace's shoulder sag with relief the moment Magnus's voice drifted through the speaker. I narrowed my eyes. What had he been hiding from me?

"Did someone mail order God's gift to humanity?"

The first door immediately swung open. Jace turned to me, smiling widely. He lightly punched me on the arm.

"Go get him, tiger."

"You're not coming up?"

"Nah. I've got a girlfriend back home that owes me a foot massage." He winked at me. "Have fun on the stairs, cripple."

I passed through the door, glancing back at my _parabatai_ once more before climbing the stairs. I took my time on the steps, more so to be alone with my thoughts for a minute longer than to compensate for my injury. When I reached Magnus's door, I lifted my hand to knock but the door swung open before I could touch it. Magnus stood in the doorway, giving me a once-over.

"I figured it was you."

"Hey," I whispered.

Magnus stepped aside and invited me in. I clenched my fingers to ease some of the shaking as I glanced around. Though there was not a speck of blood visible anywhere inside, I felt my pulse quicken as my eyes found the all too familiar spot on the floor. The scar on my shoulder prickled and my mind summoned a shaded image of a pool of blood...my blood.

I could feel Magnus creep up behind me.

"How's your leg?"

I cringed as Magnus's hot breath tickled the back of my neck. "It's fine."

When Magnus's finger reached out to tuck my hair behind my ear, I shrugged in on myself. The reflex startled me, and when I turned around I could see the hurt etched in the warlock's face. I rubbed my arm, embarrassed.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that."

Magnus nodded, though the hurt lingered. "Why are you here, Alec?"

He had not asked it rudely, but the question made me feel unwanted. I toyed with the hem on my t-shirt, lowering my eyes so they would not reveal the gut-wrenching sting of rejection.

"You weren't there when I woke up."

"I did not think you wanted me to be there."

"Of course I did."

Magnus put his finger under my chin and tilted my head up. An image suddenly flashed before my eyes: Magnus's hand crept upwards and sealed over my nose and mouth, cutting off my air. The image disappeared abruptly, and I was gazing into two stunning yellow-green eyes.

"Alexander," Magnus said softly, "you can't even look at me without flinching."

"I'm fine," I insisted.

Magnus's hand fell away and he crossed his arms, unconvinced. I decided to change the subject. I scoured the room for a topic, where I noticed an array of books scattered across the floor.

"What's with the books?"

Magnus's eyes followed my gaze. "It seems I had an unexpected visitor again."

The memory came flooding back to me, almost strong enough to knock me off my feet. I ran my fingers through my hair, guilt-ridden and fuming for letting it slip my mind in the first place.

"Sebastian said he was going to come back here. He claimed he knew where the Book of White was because Camille told him. I'm sorry, Magnus. I should have told you sooner."

"It's all right, Alec."

"Did he take it?"

"Yes," Magnus said, making me drop my face into my hands. "Or rather, he found the fake I so cleverly left out for him."

I lifted my head, unsure if I had heard him correctly. "Sebastian found a fake?"

"Camille likes to think she's a lot smarter than she actually is." Magnus winked. "She and Sebastian have that in common."

I smiled, elated and relieved. "So where is the real Book of White?"

Magnus's gaze dropped to the floor and he shuffled his feet, like a child getting ready to be reprimanded. I wanted nothing more than to reach out a touch him, to comfort him, but a leash of fear held me back. What was he so afraid of telling me?

"The Book of White is hidden in your room back at the Institute, Alexander," he admitted, his eyes finally falling on me again.

My throat tightened. "My room? Why?"

"So I would always have a reason to go back and see you."

I tugged at the collar of my t-shirt. "Even after you broke up with me?"

When Magnus nodded, I lowered myself into a crouch and buried my face in my hands, too emotionally overwhelmed to hold myself up. To know that Magnus had never truly stopped wanting to see me when I'd thought he'd abandoned me was overpowering. It was possible that those long nights I spent thinking about him were the same long nights he spent thinking about me.

Magnus was crouched down in front of me, and he gently pried my hands away from my face. He swiped his thumbs across my cheeks, erasing my tears. I blinked rapidly as he took my hands in his.

"I can't stay away from you, Alec. I love you. I will love you forever, whether you're whole again or broken." He squeezed my fingers. "But I need to know if you still love me. If you still _want_ to love me."

My throat tightened again, my words choked inside. I knew what Magnus was asking. He knew he was inadvertently a catalyst for the resurfacing of my trauma, and he was offering me the chance to walk away. There was no doubt in my mind that Magnus would let me go, but I didn't want to go anywhere unless he was there with me.

"I love you," I whispered.

Magnus smiled and leaned forward to touch his forehead to mine. We breathed in each other's scents, holding on to each other like a life line.

"Magnus, I don't-- I still--"

"It's okay," Magnus breathed, reading between the lines of my stammering. "We'll take it slow."

His lips pressed against mine, gently at first, but as I started to kiss him back, his need became more forceful. His tongue gently probed inside my mouth and his fingers slid through my hair. I nipped at Magnus's bottom lip with my teeth and cupped his face in my hands. Without breaking contact, the warlock scooped me up into his arms and carried me to the bedroom, gently laying me back on the mattress.

I shivered as Magnus's hand crept under my shirt and across my stomach. The hungry clashes of our teeth mixed with our escalating breathing. My hand drifted downward to brush my thumb against his exposed hip bone, a whisper against his skin.

Magnus moved the focus of his lips to my throat. I sighed, dizzy with desire. My heart skipped a beat when I felt his kiss on my shoulder through the fabric of my t-shirt. There was a flash and Magnus was gnawing on my flesh, his eyes completely black. Then he was kissing me again. I closed my eyes and tried to relax, to get lost in Magnus's touch. Another flash: Magnus suffocating me. I struggled to catch my breath.

When Magnus gently closed his fingers around my wrist, my control shattered into tiny fragments.

"Stop!"

Magnus rolled off me and stepped away as if I'd just told him I was diseased. The passion in his face had been extinguished, replaced by concern. I sat up and rested my head in my hand, panting heavily. Magnus rubbed my back with slow circular motions and waited for me to regain control of my breathing.

"I'm sorry," I apologized.

"You didn't do anything wrong."

"I'm screwed up." My voice trembled. "Every touch is horrifying. I can't kiss you without thinking about you smothering me."

"It's okay, Alec," Magnus insisted, now combing his fingers through my hair. "We're taking it slow, remember?"

I pushed the heels of my palms into my eyes. "I just want it to go away."

Magnus lay back on the mattress, coaxing me to follow. He angled my body so I was turned in towards him, cradled against him. My head rested against his shoulder and his arm curled around me, stroking my arm leisurely.

"Is this okay?" He asked.

I listened to the soothing rhythm of Magnus's heartbeat. "Yeah."

"Then we're already making progress."

Despite it still being early in the afternoon, I felt my eyelids begin to droop. Magnus pressed his lips against my hair. I clenched his shirt in my hand, afraid of drifting away.

"It's okay," Magnus whispered. "I've got you."

* * *

 

My hand skimmed over the cool mattress beside me. My eyes snapped open. The spot beside me was vacant; Alec was gone. The bedroom door was still ajar, and the lights in the next room were on. Blinking against the brightness, I crawled out of bed and walked into the living space.

"Alec?"

One of the kitchen drawers was pulled out, and my heart skipped a beat when I saw the array of knives inside. I pushed down the rising panic and continued my search. It was impossible for Sebastian to have come back thanks to the wards I'd cast before Alec had arrived, but the wards could not prevent Alec from hurting himself.

My heart lurched when I finally caught sight of him. He was curled into a tight ball on one of the sofas, and in his hand, clenched so tight his knuckles were white, was a butcher knife. His face was contorted in either fear or pain and his body quivered, but he was fast asleep. Apparently Alec felt that not even I could protect him from the demons that hunted him during the night.

But there _was_ a way for me to protect him...

I weighed the option in my mind, but the moment Alec began to shake violently and whimper in his sleep, the decision was made. I hovered my hands over Alec's head and set to work building a shield in his mind, blocking every memory that pertained to his abduction and torture. Alec's face began to relax and his grip loosened on the knife. The intense radiance of the sparks flowing from my fingers began to fade as the shield solidified. When I pulled my hands away, exhaustion filled every limb in my body.

I wondered what I was going to tell Jace. It was imperative that he kept his mouth shut once he knew what was going on. And we'd have to concoct a story of how Alec had gotten all his scars. If one of us slipped up and Alec found out what I had done, the consequences would be substantial. There was no room for error. Alec was mine to protect. Alec was mine.

Alec moaned softly. I snapped my fingers and the knife in his hand vanished. He gave a little jolt at the sharp sound and opened his eyes.

"Hey," I whispered.

Alec looked around, confused. "Why am I on the sofa?"

I pushed his hair back from his face, smiling when he didn't flinch. "You must have been sleep walking. I woke up and you were gone."

He groaned as he stretched out his cramped muscles. "Weird. Let's go back to bed."

Alec slipped his hand into mine as we walked back into the bedroom. I lay on my side after we crawled under the covers, studying him: the strong line of his jawbone, the paleness of his skin, the lack of anxiety and tension in his shoulders.

"What are you staring at?" Alec yawned.

"You." _The old you. The real you. The you I fell in love with._

"Like what you see?"

"Very much."

Alec edged closer and leaned over me, pushing my shoulders down so I was flat on my back. He covered my mouth with his and slid his hand under my shirt, trailing his fingers up my abdomen and across my chest. His movements were fluid and controlled...and fearless.

"Will you hit the lights?"

I snapped my fingers and we were covered in a blanket of darkness. Alec smiled against my lips.

"I love you," he breathed.

I placed my hand on the back of Alec's neck and pulled his lips to mine.

"Tonight I'm all yours," Alec whispered.

_Tonight and every night afterwards. You are mine, Alexander Gideon Lightwood. Mine to protect and to love and to hold. No one will take you away from me. I love you. You are mine, and I am yours. Forever._


	14. What Lies Within

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right! So as I mentioned earlier, this is the first revival chapter! Hope the new plot is enticing! Thanks for reading and for the kudos and comments! :)

_The ground trembled beneath me. An ear-splitting crack cut through the hum of the quaking earth. There was a brilliant white flash and a bolt of lightning bit into my arm. The unexpectedly light blow throbbed, but did not burn. Another flare and another bolt, but this time it struck the ground. A figure lingered in the dark haze left behind. The familiar build and black hair were unmistakeable._

_Alec._

_I moved forward, reaching out for him. His head was lowered, eyes shadowed by his hair. When I placed my finger under his chin and raised his face, he blinked up at me, unsmiling. He looked expectant, waiting for me to say something, but before I could speak, a cry, soft as the caress of a summer breeze, drifted towards us. Alec looked away, searching the darkness for the origin of the noise. When he turned back to me, I recoiled from him, frightened by the thick ooze of dark blood flowing from his eyes. He cocked his head, oblivious to the crimson rivers flowing down his cheeks._

_As I backed away from him, there was another rumble and another strike of lightning..._

"Ow!" My body jackknifed into a sitting position, and I rubbed the tender spot on my leg where Alec had kicked me. "By the Angel, Alec--"

I threw myself out of bed as I looked over. Alec's body was thrashing wildly, the seizure rolling his eyes into the back of his head. His jaw was clamped shut but he still emitted strangled whimpers and choking noises. I stood at the foot of the bed watching in horror, my state of shock rendering me immobile.

A final spasm wracked Alec's body and he went limp, his head lolling to the side. I crawled back onto the mattress and knelt over him, scanning his slender frame for any visible injuries. A thin trickle of blood dripped from the corner of his mouth, splattering against the pillow under his head.

"Alec?" I gingerly pressed my palm against his chest.

He sucked in a sharp gasp of air and opened his eyes. I slid my hand under his far cheek and gently turned his head towards me, locking gazes with the glassy blue depths of his eyes. He searched my face, brow furrowing.

"What happened?"

"I think you just had a seizure."

When Alec tried to sit up I gently pushed him back down.

"Just relax for a minute." I pressed the back of my hand to his cool, clammy forehead. "Has this ever happened before?"

"No," Alec said. "I've had plenty of nightmares, but never one that resulted in a seizure."

A shiver crept up my spine, raising the hairs on the back of my neck. "You were having a nightmare?"

Alec nodded, closing his eyes and clenching fistfuls of the bed sheets tightly. I cupped the side of his face in my hand, wiping away the light smear of blood in the corner of his mouth with my thumb. I shifted into a sitting position beside him and carefully pulled his body into my lap, cocooning him in my arms and resting my chin on top of his head. Ever so slightly I began to sway side to side, rocking him until his tension drifted away.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked.

"It was dark," Alec murmured. "Someone was screaming over and over. I couldn't see anything, but I thought I heard someone banging their fists against something hard, too, like a door or a wall."

I tightened my arms around him, thankful he could not read my expression. "It was just a dream."

"It felt so real," Alec whispered. "The noises were so loud, Magnus, and the panic was so intense...if I didn't know better, I would have sworn it was me screaming inside a casket."

I pressed my lips against Alec's hair, pushing away the urgent alarms blaring inside my head like sirens. My confidence in the shield I had placed inside Alec's mind suddenly wavered. Surely it was not faulty? Had the shield somehow been cracked and now Alec's dark memories were creeping through the fissures, disguised as nightmares? Impossible. Aside from my own spells, nothing could penetrate the block inside his mind.

Alec peeled my arms away and sat up, turning to dangle his legs over the edge of the bed.

"Where are you going?"

"I need a drink of water."

The moment Alec stood up, he released a sharp cry and plopped back down on the mattress, tucking his legs into his chest.

"By the Angel..." he hissed.

I leaned over and glanced down at the floor. The lamp from the bedside table had been knocked over, shattering into jagged shards both big and small. My mind drifted back to the crashing I'd heard in my dream. What I'd thought to be shrill cracks of thunder had actually been the lamp smashing against the floor. I snapped my fingers and, after the mess vanished, turned to Alec. I grabbed his ankles and swivelled him around so I could get a better look at his feet. The left had only suffered a few cuts, but there was thumb-sized fragment embedded in the soft curve of his right arch.

"Hold still. This may sting," I warned, pinching the shard between my fingers.

Alec grimaced and looked away as I carefully pulled the glass from his foot. He expelled a breath as the fragment came free and I set to work healing the cuts on both his feet. When I finished, he wiggled his toes.

"Thank you," he said, smiling.

I smirked and waggled my eyebrows. "You owe me one."

Alec's eyes glittered as he promised me his quick return and got up from the bed. My eyes roamed over his body as he strode towards the door, drinking in every muscle that flexed in his naked back and the tantalising narrowing of his hips. The way his pants hung low on his waist made my pulse jump, but when my gaze captured the two burn scars branded into Alec's sultry skin, I could not help but think what demons were lurking inside his head: tortured memories, wraiths, slashing furiously at Alec's shield, burning him, shattering him. Worst of all, Alec was unaware that the darkness inside was feasting on him, sinking its fangs deeper and deeper into his flesh.

_Get a hold of yourself, Bane_ , I mentally chastised myself. _You did what you had to do to protect him. The shield will not fail and Alec will be fine_.

And yet, in the far corners of my mind, another voice whispered, _You know there is malice festering somewhere inside him. You chose this. Love is selfish, and now you must pay the price._

* * *

 

Alec was in the kitchen when I awoke several hours later. Ingredients for omelettes were spewed over the countertops. Grinning, I crept up behind the Shadowhunter and snaked my arms around his waist, pulling his back against my front.

"Are you making me breakfast?" I whispered into his ear.

Alec leaned his head back against my shoulder. "It's my thank you for being my knight in shining armor last night."

"And I'll eat it as a thank you for being my damsel in distress."

Alec snorted and wiggled free from my arms, rummaging through the cabinets for a cutting board. He began rinsing the tomatoes and green onions in the sink and placed them on the board afterwards, drying his hands on his pants.

"Are you going to help me?" he asked. "Or are you going to stand there and watch me with that stupid grin on your face?"

I crossed my arms and leaned against the counter. "I think I'll just stand here. I like making you nervous."

Alec grabbed a knife from the drawer and started chopping the vegetables, dicing them with the ease and confidence of a practiced chef. I stole a cube of tomato and popped it into my mouth, ignoring the cold glare he gave me.

"So are you feeling all right today?"

Alec shrugged. "Still a little in shock, I guess. But physically I feel fine."

"So does that mean I can give you a list of chores after breakfast?"

The rhythmic chopping came to an abrupt halt and I grinned, waiting for Alec to playfully punch me on the arm. When nothing happened I turned to look at him, worried I had offended him, but Alec was not paying the slightest bit of attention to me. He was holding the knife up in front of his face and staring at the blade, mesmerized. The silver glint of the razor sharp edge reflected in his eyes.

"Alec?" Anxiety clawed at my stomach.

Without a word, Alec flipped his free hand over and pressed the tip of the knife against his palm. He pushed down and began to cut a thin line diagonally across his hand.

"What the hell are you doing?" I cried, lunging for the knife.

Alec easily stepped out of the way. Eyes now fixed on the blood welling in his hand, Alec dropped the knife to the floor. He bent his elbow to make his forearm vertical and watched, transfixed, as blood began to spiral down his wrist. To my utter horror, he bent his head forward and grazed his tongue over the wound.

Before I could stop myself, I lashed out with my arm. My hand struck Alec squarely in the cheek. He stumbled slightly, but steadied himself against the counter. He blinked furiously and a fog seemed to lift from his eyes.

We stared at each other, neither of us knowing what to say. When Alec looked down at his shaky palm, I peered at the red mark spreading across his cheek and jaw. Guilt roiled inside of me.

"Alec..."

"Why am I bleeding?" he asked.

I gaped at him. "You cut yourself."

Alec's eyes, wide with confusion and terror, found mine. "I don't remember that."

"Do you remember what you did after you cut yourself?"

"I--I don't know. One minute I was chopping vegetables and the next I'm staring down at my bloody hand."

_You know there is malice festering somewhere inside him. You chose this. Love is selfish, and now you must pay the price._

I put my hand on Alec's shoulder and gave him a light shove in the direction of the bathroom. "Go clean yourself up. There are bandages in the cupboard."

"You're not going to heal it?" Alec's voice quivered.

I offered my most convincing smile. "Honey, how will you ever learn if I heal it for you?"

Alec did not return my smile. "What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to clean up this mess," I said, bending down to pick up the knife. "And then we're going to the Institute."

* * *

 

Jace greeted us in the entryway of the Institute. He stood from his seat on the stairs as we walked through the doors and approached us, but his smile faltered when he noticed my expression. Recovering quickly, he gave his _parabatai_ an enthusiastic clap on the shoulder.

"Back so soon? I thought I could finally move my stuff into your room."

"Alec," I cut in before he could respond, "would you mind going upstairs? I'd like to speak with Jace privately."

"Oh." Hurt flashed across Alec's eyes. "Sure."

I waited until he had trudged far enough up the stairs to let out a heavy sigh. I rubbed a hand over my face. A million different emotions pulsed through my veins. _Where to begin?_

"I don't know if it's possible," Jace said, "but he looks both better and worse."

I decided to cut to the chase. "I put up a block in his mind."

"Did Alec ask you to?"

My silence was answer enough. Jace nodded and raised an eyebrow.

"I thought you were against fiddling with peoples' memories without their consent?"

"Don't lecture me, boy," I snapped. "You should be damn grateful for my efforts to help him recover."

Jace held up his hands in surrender. "Sorry. Geez. Don't get you panties in a knot."

I groaned, my patience stretched to the limit. "Jace, we have a serious problem."

"Are your panties already in a knot?"

I grabbed the Shadowhunter by the front of his shirt and pulled his face close to mine, my blazing eyes reflecting in his golden surprise of his. "One more snarky comment and I will fry you extra crispy."

"What's wrong?" Jace demanded, his face now serious.

"I don't know exactly," I admitted, releasing him from my grasp. "I put up a shield around his memories and last night Alec had a seizure. He told me he'd been having a nightmare, which I think was the trigger. The nightmare he described to me sounded an awful lot like his memories of being sealed inside the container."

"So is the block defective?"

"I highly doubt it," I sighed. "But it doesn't end there. Alec was making breakfast this morning and we were having a normal conversation, but all of a sudden he completely shut down. He just stared at the knife in his hand...stared at it the same way he stares at me. Almost lustily. Then he sliced his palm open and proceeded to lick his blood."

Jace cast his mortified and appalled expression at the stairs. "What the hell do we do, Magnus?"

"I don't know. I'm not even sure what we're dealing with."

Jace turned back to me. "What's your first guess?"

Our gazes locked. "Something demonic is growing inside your _parabatai_."


	15. Punished

"Explain this to me, Jace." Alec was seated on the floor, elbows resting on his raised knees as he massaged his temples. "Why exactly am I under solitary confinement?"

"Alexander!" I propped myself up on my elbows. "Are you not having fun? Would you like to play Twister? Strip poker, perhaps?"

Alec locked gazes with me. "I'm serious."

I lowered myself down onto the mattress again and interlaced my fingers behind my head. "You're not under solitary confinement."

"Oh really?" Alec scoffed. "So why won't you let me leave my room? You won't tell me where Magnus is and, this one really takes the cake, you won't even let me go to the bathroom without keeping the door open."

"Magnus is in the library."

"Doing what?"

"Teaching a hot yoga class for pleasantly plump men."

Alec picked up a pillow and hurled it at my head. "That's not funny."

I calmly plucked the pillow from my face, grinning. "Sure does paint an image, doesn't it?"

"Stop being elusive, Jace."

I sighed and sat up. "I'm not hiding anything, Alec. Magnus is doing some reading for a client and I've been recruited as your bundle of entertainment for the time being."

Alec studied me. "You're my glorified babysitter."

"Don't sound so excited about it. With an attitude like that I ought to put you to bed without your dinner."

Alec rolled his eyes and shook his head. "You are something else."

"One of a kind, limited edition, the cream of the crop..." I rotated my hand in a circle. "I could go on."

Alec held up his hand. "That will not be necessary."

"Of course. You're right. Let's just marvel at the magnificence of me in silence."

"Or..." Alec got to his feet and removed his shirt.

I blinked, fazed by the abrupt show of skin. "I don't think you quite understand the rules of strip poker, Alec."

"You can tell me how I got these scars," he finished.

"You don't remember?" I asked, stalling.

"No." Alec looked down at his torso. "I have no idea why I'm covered in scars, or why I have two burns on my back and a bruised leg."

The haunting phone call replayed in my head. I could hear Alec's screams, his broken voice calling out my name and begging for Sebastian to kill him. I pictured him laying inside the container, shaking and covered in blood and sweat. I remembered the way he'd raked his nails down his eyes to escape the hallucinations, the way his frail body trembled with fever, the searing pain that swarmed me when Alec's heart ceased beating.

I could not evoke those memories inside my _parabatai_. I could not bear to see him suffer through the trauma again. The block in Alec's mind could only do so much; I had to become a shield too. I would do everything in my power to defend him, to protect his mind, his memories untainted with blood, and his life.

"You were fighting a demon," I said after a deep breath. "It jumped you and did some serious damage. By the time I caught up with you, you'd taken a headfirst tumble down two flights of stairs. Your amnesia is a result of a concussion."

Alec's blue eyes narrowed as he attempted to fit the phantom pieces of the puzzle together. "You weren't with me?"

"We split up," I answered quickly. "I was covering the ground floor while you went upstairs."

"We rarely split up like that."

"And what happened to you is exactly the reason why." I waited until my _parabatai_ was looking at me. "I'm sorry, Alec. It was my fault. I insisted on hunting that bastard separately."

Alec's eyes fell to the floor, lost. "It's okay."

I could hear the hesitation and confusion behind Alec's words. He had no idea what he was forgiving me for. Doubt lurked in his face, a visible struggle of his desire to trust in my story and the argument of his instincts.

"Alec?"

"I want to see Magnus."

_Oh, boy_. "He asked for peace and quiet--"

"Please, Jace." Anxiety glowed in Alec's eyes. "I feel like you're keeping me prisoner, and it's scaring me."

A breath whooshed out of my lungs as if I'd been punched in the gut. My lies, though spoken with the best intentions, were causing my _parabatai_ pain. The protective gate that had been placed around him had surpassed a sense of refuge and crossed into imprisonment.

"Okay," I relented. "Let's go."

Sagging with relief, Alec slid his shirt back on and hurried towards the door. I hustled to keep up with his pace. Not a word passed between us as we rushed through the halls and to the library. Alec threw open the doors and strode inside. I hung back, giving him and Magnus some space.

The warlock was standing at a table overflowing with books. He was bent over a thick and dusty volume, his entire body tense and his fingers thrumming against the table. He looked up as we entered, relaxing when he caught sight of Alec. Magnus turned, opening his arms, and Alec crashed into them. He stroked Alec's hair and rested his chin on Alec's head, watching me with weary eyes.

"Alec, what are you doing here?" Magnus asked gently.

Alec pulled back and dropped his arms from around the warlock. "Something's wrong. You're avoiding me. Nobody will tell me anything, there are gaps in my memory and I don't feel right--"

"Shh." Magnus cupped Alec's face in his hands, slowing my _parabatai_ 's escalating breathing. "I'm not avoiding you. Everything is all right."

"Why did you send me away?"

Magnus's voice remained level. "I had research I needed to do."

"What research?" Alec demanded. "And why do you two keep looking at me like I'm pointing a gun at my head?"

Magnus's composure wavered. "What do you mean?"

"I can see it in your eyes." Alec glanced back at me. "Both of you. I can see the pity and the fear."

"You're imagining things--"

"You're hiding something from me!" Alec insisted, fuming.

I could see Magnus's vigour crumbling. He was as susceptible to Alec's suffering as I was. Would he surrender his secrets at the risk of shattering Alec's fragile state? Would he bend to Alec's need to know the truth?

"Alec," Magnus began.

"Magnus," I warned, taking a step forward.

"I will tell you everything in time," Magnus continued. "I know it's hard, but right now it's safer for you to remain blind and deaf. Do you trust me?"

"What--"

"Do you trust me?" Magnus repeated.

Alec hesitated. "You'll tell me everything?"

"I promise."

Alec nodded. "I trust you."

Magnus placed a kiss on Alec's forehead. "Thank you."

"I need some water."

I kept my gaze on the floor as Alec briskly walked past me and turned down the hall. I knew I should follow him, but I needed to quench my thirst for any progress Magnus had made. He was bent over the book again as I approached him. I glanced down at the parchment pages, drinking in the words and diagrams of demonology.

"Anything yet?" I whispered.

"It seems like I've been reading the same book over and over," Magnus sighed. "I still have no idea what we're dealing with."

"What about searching the effects of different types of demon blood on Shadowhunters?" I suggested.

"Well, when you find that information all organized neatly into one magical book, Jace Herondale, you can plop it into my idle hands."

"Sorry. I know there's a lot of information--"

Magnus chuckled hollowly. "Understatement of the year."

"You'll find something," I assured him. "Just give it time."

"Time," Magnus growled, "is a luxury we don't have."

As if on cue, a shrill crash echoed down the hall. Magnus and I froze, listening, before bolting from the library. I took the lead as we ran to the kitchen, my heart pounding in my chest. My hand reflexively went to my right hip, but I cursed when I realized I had not put on my weapons belt. I braced myself for what we would face in the kitchen.

Magnus bumped into me from behind as I came to a sudden halt, our breaths shallow and quiet as we stared across the room. Alec was standing by the sink, water and fragments of a drinking glass spewed before his feet. He had unwrapped the bandaging from his wrist and was pressing a crystalline shard against one of the three faint scars that resided there. The hand holding the glass trembled and the upper half of Alec's body twitched strangely, as if intermittent zaps of electricity pulsed through him. When he looked up at us, he revealed one eye that was black and another that was a darker shade of his usual blue.

"By the Angel..." I breathed.

"Help," Alec choked, his voice quivering.

When I started forward, Alec's voice, now firm and threatening, stopped me again. "Get back."

"Alec, put the glass down."

My _parabatai_ 's face contorted with intense concentration as he fought to pull the shard away from the magnetic force holding it against his skin. He twitched again and his blue eye faded to a shadowy navy hue.

"Just put it down."

Alec gritted his teeth. "I... _can't_."

I charged forward but before I could reach for Alec's wrists, he reached out and caught me around the throat. His grip was tight enough to keep me immobile, but not tight enough to cut off my air. I clawed at his hand, wrenching to get free. Alec twitched again and the fear that had masked his face vanished, replaced by a look of determination and disdain. His lips pulled back into a cocky grin and his iris darkened from the dim blue of late dusk to the black of the night sky.

"You always have to be the hero, don't you, Jace?" His voice was deeper than usual and colder than the breath of winter.

"What?"

Alec's fingers clenched tighter. "You'd push anyone into the shadows just for your chance to be in the spotlight."

"Alec--" I gasped for air as he began to lift me from the ground.

He cocked his head to the side. "You were always a spoiled little brat with a pretty face who always got what he wanted. I welcomed you into my family with open arms, Jace, and I loved you. I loved you more than you could ever understand. But you rejected me. You chose that red haired bitch over me. You betrayed me. You left me behind. Disloyalty deserves the ultimate punishment."

Alec raised the shard of glass. My eyes clamped shut. There was a cry and my feet suddenly hit the floor. Alec sailed across the kitchen. He smashed into a set of cupboards near the ceiling and fell to the floor, bashing his head against the ground. He was still for a moment before groaning and shakily pushing himself into a sitting position. Wincing, he rubbed his head and opened his eyes. Though they were glassy and unfocused, they had returned to the bright blue of the ocean.

I bent over, hands on my knees as I caught my breath. Magnus was watching me, his hands at his sides but one palm still glowing with blue sparks. I gave him a nod, a silent thank you, which he returned. He then switched his focus to Alec, who was looking around, dazed.

"Alec," Magnus said softly, crouching in front of my _parabatai_. "I need you to go upstairs and pack a bag. You're going to stay at my place for a few days."

Alec blinked. "Why am I on the floor?"

Magnus took Alec's face in his hands. "Focus, Alec. Go upstairs and pack some clothes."

"Why?"

Magnus cast a quick glance up at me before answering him. "It's not safe for you here."

Another lie to add to the mountain we'd created. I turned away to hide my expression. We'd kept Alec enveloped in a haze to protect him, but we never thought that lurking in the haze was an obscured enemy, creeping up on our turned backs. My _parabatai_ was no longer just a danger to himself.

_It's not safe for you here_.

I closed my eyes, damming the flood of tears. My insides twisted. It felt as though Alec had actually stabbed my heart with the shard of glass. Death would have been an easier punishment. My _parabatai_ , my protector, my best friend, my brother, was going to be taken away from me because he was now a lethal threat against my life.

_It's not safe when you're here_.


	16. Seeing Double

"Damn it!"

I sent the bulky book tumbling from the table to the floor with a sweep of my arm, too frustrated to appreciate the fragility of the ancient manuscript. Anger bubbling inside me, I reached out and snatched the next tome in the pile towered high on the table. My thoughts drifted as I scanned through the text, seeking any bit of information that could be useful for helping Alec. Though I reflected heavily on the impacts the past events had had on Jace and Alec, I also pondered how much pleasure it would bring me to have Sebastian in the room instead of useless books. To subject him to the affliction he'd bestowed upon the young man I loved...To slice him open...To singe his skin...To make him scream over and over...To make the pain so unbearable he would beg for death...To force him to surrender any knowledge about Alec's condition...

I sighed and pushed the sadistic thoughts out of my head. I could not grant Sebastian the satisfaction of believing he was our only hope. No. That little lie would only squash his confidence. After all, Sebastian had not been raised by Silent Brothers, nor did he possess the wisdom one obtained from being alive for centuries.

Fortitude rekindled, I dove back into reading, my eyes skimming every loop, dot, slant and smudge of ink swifter than ever.

* * *

 

I nonchalantly tossed the remote up into the air and caught it on its descent for what had to be the hundredth time. The chatter on the television did not pique my interest in the slightest, nor did any other mindless activities. I'd borrowed Magnus's laptop to surf the web, and when that did not diminish my boredom I started a game of solitaire, only to give up half way through the game.

I was still puzzled as to why Magnus brought me back from the Institute in the first place. Aside from his vague -- and confusing -- explanation that it wasn't safe, he hadn't told me anything. Ever since we'd gotten back he'd locked himself inside one of the guest rooms while I was forced to endure hours of being bored stiff, with no one to keep me company but myself. At least if I'd still been at the Institute I could have been productive with my down time and trained with Jace.

Unable to stand it any longer, I got up from the couch and stretched, my joints popping in protest. I walked through the living area and down the hall towards the closed door of one of the guest rooms. Through the wood of the door I could faintly hear the shuffle of pages being turned from time to time. Hesitantly, I reached up and knocked softly. When the room went eerily quiet I rapped on the door again.

"Magnus?"

No answer. I tried the knob, and my heart sank to find that it was locked. I leaned against the door frame and twiddled with my fingers.

"Can I come in?"

Silence.

Defeated, I pressed my forehead against the door and closed my eyes, imagining Magnus on the other side, his palm touching the door where my face would be.

"I was just wondering," I called softly, "if you needed any help. Or, maybe, if you wanted some company..."

Still, there was no invitation to go inside.

"Okay. I'll just get back to doing...nothing." When I turned to leave, I stopped. "Magnus? I don't know if I did something wrong, but I want you to know that I'm sorry."

I walked back to the living room, but not before hearing the muted sigh from behind the closed door. Plopping back down onto the couch, I switched through the TV channels again. I decided on watching the evening news, but more so for the background noise than to keep me occupied. My eyes wandered around the room, drinking in every familiar detail of Magnus's house: the art on the walls, the magazines fanned out on the coffee table, the framed picture of Magnus and I, the blue scarf...

I blinked. The blue scarf, _my_ blue scarf, was bundled up on the floor in the far corner of the room. Moving slowly, as if it was a poisonous snake, I got up and crossed the room. With my outstretched hand I picked it up from the floor, caressing the soft material between my fingers. Another wave of confusion flooded through me. The last time I remembered seeing the scarf was when I'd had it clenched in my hands after Magnus had ended our relationship, a poor means of comfort when I'd been struggling with insomnia. How had it gotten here?

With a shrug, I wrapped the scarf around my neck. Though my scent was dominant, I could faintly smell Magnus. I sighed. Magnus's scent did bring me comfort, but it did nothing to ease my loneliness. As my eyes roamed the room again, I caught sight of Magnus's cell phone. My fingers twitched. Surely he wouldn't mind if I borrowed it?

Making a mental promise not to snoop through his information, I swiped the phone up and deposited myself back onto the couch. My fingers swept over the combination of numbers and I held the phone to my ear, strumming my fingers against my knee nervously as it rang.

Finally, he picked up.

"Hello?" His voice sounded groggy and drowsy, as if I'd woken him up from up from a cold-induced sleep.

"Hey," I said. "It's Alec."

"Oh, hey." Jace's greeting lacked his usual heartfelt enthusiasm. "What's up?"

"Literally nothing. Magnus is doing God knows what in the next room and I'm dying of boredom."

"That sucks."

My brow furrowed. That was it? No snarky comment? No witty remark? Those two words left me feeling more isolated than before I'd called.

"Wow," I murmured. "I must have really messed up."

Jace sighed. "What are you talking about, Alec?"

"Magnus is pissed at me. You're pissed at me..."

"Did either of us say we were pissed at you?"

I paused. "No, but--"

"That's because we're not pissed," Jace interrupted. "If I was pissed off at you, I'd tell you. It's the Lightwood way. No tiptoeing around anything, right?"

"Yeah..."

"And last I checked, Magnus isn't one for holding anything back. I mean, have you seen his clothes?"

I laughed half-heartedly. "Point taken."

"You're just over-thinking things, Alec," Jace assured me. "Shut your brain off and _relax_. Read a book, watch a movie, take a bubble bath."

I wrinkled my nose. "A bubble bath?"

"Of course." I could almost hear Jace's grin. "I'm indulging in one as we speak."

"That," I said, "is disturbing."

"Don't judge until you've tried the suds."

"I'll take your word for it."

"You're missing out." Jace cleared his throat. "I'm sorry, Alec, but I have to go."

"Okay." I masked the disappointment in my voice.

"Tell Magnus I said to get his ass out of the room and cook you some dinner."

I smiled. "I will. Thanks, Jace."

"Take care of yourself, Alec."

The call disconnected before I could reply. I hung up and stared at the screen. Only five minutes had passed. Who knew how many more hours I was going to spend in solitude...

"Who was that?"

The phone slipped from my fingers and I fumbled to catch it at the startling sound of Magnus's voice. I whipped around in my seat. He was watching me with an amused look on his face, though his mirth could not conceal his obvious fatigue.

"Jace," I answered simply.

Magnus came around to sit beside me, and I scooted over to give him more room. When he held out his hand I placed the cell phone in it, watching him as he studied it quickly before sliding it into his pocket. Magnus draped one arm over the back of the sofa, angling his body towards me.

"I'm sorry for leaving you by yourself for so long," he apologized.

I stared down at my hands in my lap. "It's fine."

Magnus touched my shoulder. "No, it's not. These new...arrangements are just temporary, Alec. I'm just as eager to get back to normality as you are."

I gave him a small smile. "Let me guess. This hurts you more than it hurts me?"

Magnus's face was serious. "Yes."

"Next time I come knocking at your door, can you just politely turn me away instead of ignoring me?"

The warlock's hand slid from my shoulder up to my cheek. "Once again, I'm sorry. I just couldn't afford any..." Magnus lowered his hand to my scarf and gave a gentle tug, "distractions."

My heart fluttered under the heat of Magnus's eyes. "I'm supposed to tell you to make me dinner."

"So demanding," Magnus growled huskily.

I swallowed. "You owe me."

With a devilish grin, Magnus gave the scarf another tug and pulled my body against his.

* * *

I lay on top of the bed covers, my ankles crossed and one hand behind my head as I reviewed the call history on my phone. I relaxed to see the most recent call had, in fact, gone to Jace. I slipped the phone back into my pocket and awaited Alec's return from getting a drink of water. After a round of vigorous activity in the living room and a quick meal, we both agreed to go to bed early. Though my eyelids felt heavy, my desire for the young Shadowhunter had not yet been sated. Sleep was a distant thought.

Darkness closed in behind him as Alec turned off the hall light and strode back into the bedroom. He crawled across the mattress and, propping himself up on one elbow, lay on his side. His cerulean eyes roamed my face and he pushed his fingers through my spiked hair. I caught his hand and brought his fingers to my lips, kissing them gently. I rolled over, trapping him beneath me, and covered his mouth with mine, my tongue dancing with his.

Alec moaned and slid his hands under my shirt. My skin burned under his touch, every nerve on fire. He craned his neck and kissed me harder, greedy. When I tugged on his bottom lip with my teeth, Alec grabbed my shoulders and pushed me over. He rolled with me, landing with his hips straddling mine. Without giving me a chance to catch my breath, he sealed his lips over mine.

A moan hummed deep in my throat. I lifted my hands to explore Alec's body. I slid my fingers across his abdomen, smiling against his mouth as he shivered under my touch. When I trailed my hands around his hips to crawl up his back, Alec reached down and grabbed my wrists, breaking the kiss.

"Please," he panted. "Not my back. The burns..."

"You're perfect, Alec."

I kept my voice reassuring, but I respected his wish. I moved my hands back to his stomach and reached upwards towards his chest. Alec twisted his fingers into my hair and kissed me again, hard enough to bruise my lips. He moved his hands to my hips and moved the focus of his mouth to my throat. I closed my eyes as he kissed a trail down my neck, grazing his teeth against my sensitive skin.

Too lost in sensual gratification, I failed to notice when Alec's right hand slipped away. I failed to see him reach behind his back. I failed to see the darkening of his eyes...

The breath was expelled from my lungs in a gust as an icy pressure punched me in the right side of my stomach just above my hipbone. Alec sat up straight, uncoiling his fingers from the handle of the knife that was now embedded in my flesh. He looked down at me, his eyes black and his face blank. He twitched once and his irises briefly flashed back to blue, but only for a mere couple of seconds.

"Alec," I choked.

His body jerked and he pressed the heel of his hand against his temple, his teeth gritted and his eyes clamped shut in pain. When he lifted his eyelids, his irises were blue once again. His jaw dropped as the sight before him registered in his mind. With a cry, Alec jumped off of me and backed away from the bed, his hands fisted in his hair.

"What did I do?" he whispered.

He repeated the words over and over, a skipping CD. I watched him as he backed into a corner and slid to the floor. He covered his ears with his hands and rocked back and forth, never ceasing the reiteration of the same phrase.

My breaths tore from me, ragged and shaky. My trembling hands hovered by the knife, but the moment my finger grazed the handle, a new burst of fiery pain was unleashed inside of me. Biting back my anguished cry, I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone. I let my head fall back against the pillow as I found Jace in my contacts and speed dialed his number. He answered on the third ring.

"Portal over here. _Now_."

I hung up and let my phone fall to the floor. I shifted my gaze to check on Alec, who was still incapacitated in the corner, before turning my attention back to my stab wound. My body shuddered as the shock began to wrap its icy arms around me. The room began to spin. I closed my eyes and began counting out loud, my whispers barely audible over Alec's.

At the sound of a light thud, my eyes tore open. Jace was standing in the bedroom doorway, his hand gripped tightly around a seraph blade. His face drained of color as his eyes fell on me. He glanced at Alec before sheathing his weapon and darting across the room to my side.

"What happened?" Jace demanded, though it was evident he had already guessed.

"He stabbed me," I panted.

"What do you need me to do?"

I took a deep breath. "You have to pull it out. I'm going to need to borrow your strength to heal myself."

Jace reached for the knife but jerked his hands back when the contact made me gasp. I clenched the bed covers in my hands and urged him to try again. I bit down on my tongue as he wrapped his fingers around the handle. My body tensed as Jace let out a slow breath. With a sharp yank he pulled the knife free. I writhed under the eruption of pain. Jace pressed his hand firmly against the wound now gushing dark blood.

"Okay," I grunted, fighting against the throbbing. "Give me your hand."

Jace gaped at me, torn between doing as I said and keeping pressure on the wound. I reached down and pushed his hand away, staunching the flow of blood with my own hand. I took Jace's bloody palm in my own and closed my eyes. A warm tingling sensation crawled up my arm and spread through me. Jace's strength travelled across my body and down my other arm, igniting my hand with a blue glow. I grimaced at the sting of my insides stitching themselves back together, but sighed when the pain ebbed and was replaced with a warm numbness.

When the wound was closed, I released Jace's hand and sat up. The Shadowhunter blinked and wobbled on his feet, but the weakness did not last long. He looked over at me, relieved.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

"If he'd aimed higher we would have killed me."

Jace's attention fell back to his _parabatai_. When he made a move to approach him, I reached out and snagged the hem of his shirt, holding him back. He watched me quizzically as I scooted off the bed and padded over to Alec. I crouched down in front of him and called his name softly.

Alec looked up, still shaking and muttering to himself. Cautiously, I cupped the side of his face in my hand, my heart breaking.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

Three sparks jumped from my middle fingers. Alec's eyes rolled into the back of his head and his body went slack, slumping forward into my waiting arms. I lifted him from the floor, gazing down in his peaceful face. A light smear of my blood painted his cheek.

Jace approached me from behind. "What are you going to do with him?"

"We don't have a choice." My voice was low, defeated. "We have to lock him up."

I could feel Jace bristle. "You're going to lock him up like some kind of animal? This is Alec, Magnus. We can't."

"He tried to kill both you and me," I whispered. "It's not Alec anymore."


	17. Truth and Deceit

_"Please. Not my back. The burns..."_

_"You're perfect, Alec."_

_Lips hungrily pressed against mine. Fingers trailed across my abdomen, igniting my entire body on fire. Passion blazed in my blood. My mouth was on his. My mouth was on his skin. His mouth was on me..._

_Darkness..._

_"You're perfect..."_

_Hands on my hips, in my hair..._

_A flash of silver..._

_"Alec--"_

_...the soft press of the mattress at my back as he hovered over me..._

_Blood. Hot and crimson with desire..._

_"You're perfect..."_

_My fingers splayed across his hip...My fingers coiled around the knife..._

_"Alec--"_

_Passion-fueled panting turned to labored gasps for air._

_"What did I do? What did I do? What did I do? What did I do what did I do whatdidIdowhatdidIdo..."_

_Darkness..._

_"Alec--"_

_No control...Darkness...Blood...A strangled cry..._

_"You're perfect..."_

_Heat flooded through me, but no longer stemming from pleasure. My skin sizzled with fever. What fueled the fire was...rage._

_"I hate you."_

"No!"

I was suddenly launched back into consciousness, breathing hard and sweating. When my vision cleared, I found myself staring into Magnus's yellow-green eyes. His hand reached up to touch my face and I recoiled.

"Ssh, Alec," Magnus whispered. "It's okay."

I cringed away when he reached for me again, but my body met a resistance. My attention was drawn to the silver bracelets cuffed over my wrists. My arms were spread wide, each shackle bound to a length of chains leading to opposite sides of the roof. I tugged against them and the chains clinked but held strong, securing me in the center of the floor.

"What the--" The words died on my lips as I struggled against my restraints, panicked.

"Alec!" Magnus took my face in both of his hands and angled my wide eyes towards his. "It's okay. Everything is all right."

"All right?" I cried, hysterical. "Nothing about this is all right! I'm in chains!"

Magnus dropped his hands and looked away. "We had to."

I stilled. "You did this? Why?"

Jace stepped into my field of vision, his expression solemn. "It was for our protection, Alec."

I couldn't help but notice the wide berth my _parabatai_ had given me. Something flickered in his golden eyes. Was that...fear?

"Your _protection_?" I blinked. "What-- I don't understand."

"What do you remember about last night, Alec?" Magnus asked.

"If this is some kind of joke, it's not funny."

"What," Magnus said, his voice firm, "do you remember about last night?"

My eyes dropped to the floor as I dug through my memories, scouring for the events of the night before. The recollections flickered, some clear as crystalline water, others murky. It was a challenge to decipher which images were real and which ones were fashioned from my subconscious.

"We were--" I hesitated, a flush creeping up my cheeks as I caught Jace's gaze from across the room.

"Hey." Magnus blocked my view of my _parabatai_. "It's just you and me. What do you remember?"

I shifted, uncomfortable. "We were...you know, and I told you not to touch my back."

"What happened next?"

"I don't know. Everything is hazy."

Magnus cupped my cheek and said gently, "Try harder, Alec."

I closed my eyes, surrendering myself to my memories. Images of Magnus danced in my mind. The feel of his hands against my skin lingered. The curve of his muscles was carved into my brain; it was as though I could trace them without actually touching him. The taste of him was exquisite, the flavor of forbidden fruit.

A thick cloud hung over my reminiscence. I could still see Magnus, but it was like looking at him through a window covered in smudges and smears. My hands no longer moved at my own accord; there was no warmth of his flesh under my fingertips. My thoughts were travelling a mile a minute, yet I was not thinking at all. I could not stop myself, but a twisted shadow in my mind did not _want_ to stop. I became hollow, a shell manipulated by possession.

My vision sharpened, as if I had passed through the grubby window. Magnus was looking up at me, his mouth open in a silent cry and his eyes wide and teary, filled with incredulity and pain. As his hands fell away, so did any warmth that flowed through me. I had gone from standing under the blazing sun in the peak of summer to being dunked in a frozen lake in the middle of winter. The chill bit at my bones as my eyes fell on the knife protruding from Magnus's stomach.

My sight flickered. Clear. Blurry. My emotions alternated. Ecstasy. Rage. Perplexity. Trepidation. Screams rammed against my skull; not even my hands clamped over my ears could drown them out. I was lost inside myself, unable to discern what was real and what wasn't.

"I--I must have fallen asleep."

"Why do you say that?" Magnus whispered.

"Everything is blurry. I'm only catching glimpses." I opened my eyes. "I had a dream that I hurt you. Well, it was me...but it wasn't. I couldn't control myself. There was something else inside of me, something angry. It moved my hands, it spoke with my voice...it kissed you."

Magnus's brow furrowed. "Alec, do you remember going to get a glass of water?"

I thought deeply. "Yeah. I put the empty glass in the sink and I looked at the cutlery drawer. The next thing I knew I was walking back into the bedroom."

Magnus nodded and offered a smile that did not reach his eyes. "All right. That's enough."

When he took a step back I pulled at the chains. "Wait! Where are you going?"

"I'm just stepping out to speak with Jace. I'll be right back," he promised.

"Magnus, take the chains off. _Please_."

The warlock's eyes glistened, his face lined with misery and hurt. "I can't."

"Magnus..." I choked, as if he'd backhanded me.

He pressed his lips against my forehead and held them there, his fingers at the back of my neck. All too soon, he turned away and strode towards the door, Jace in tow. I called out to him desperately, but my words bounced off his back and he walked out without a single glance over his shoulder.

I released a cry of frustration and wrenched against the chains. My wrists and shoulders screamed in protest. I pulled harder, the pain bringing tears to my eyes. I let them slide down my cheeks, matching the blood weeping from my wrists where the shackles chafed my skin. The chain links clinked against each other, a taunting laugh. I screamed.

" _Alexander_."

My body stilled. My ears strained in the silence, trying to listen above the rapid thumping of my heart. The room was empty of any furniture; it was impossible for anyone to be hiding. I glanced over my shoulders, twisting my body as far as my restraints would allow me. I was alone.

" _Alexander_."

I stiffened, the hairs on the back of my neck rising. _I know that voice_... My eyes slammed shut. _You're going crazy. You're imagining things_.

" _I know you can hear me_." His voice in my head was as clear as if he was standing at my side.

My eyes widened. "Sebastian?"

A chuckle echoed inside my head. " _I've missed the sound of your voice, Alec. How are you_?"

I nervously scanned the room again. "Where--How--?"

" _As much as I wish I was in the room with you, your little warlock took extra care to keep me out_ ," Sebastian spat.

"This isn't real," I whispered.

" _I beg to differ_."

"How am I hearing your voice?"

I could hear the smirk in Sebastian's snide remark, " _You're not the only one with a warlock wrapped around his finger_."

I opened my mouth to call for Magnus, but Sebastian cut me off.

" _How have you been holding up, Alec_?"

"W-what?"

" _Oh, come now_ ," Sebastian chided. " _We had so much fun together. How could you forget? When was the last time you got some sleep_?"

"Get the hell out of my head, you deranged bastard!"

" _How did you get those scars, Alec? What clever little story did your boy toy and pathetic excuse for a Shadowhunter come up with_?"

I hesitated, my blood chilling.

" _I knew it_ ," Sebastian said triumphantly. _"Your friends have been naughty_."

"What are you talking about?" I demanded. "I got my scars from a demon."

" _How about your broken leg_?"

"I fell down some stairs." I blinked and cursed at myself inwardly for answering so quickly.

Sebastian laughed. " _Classic_."

I gritted my teeth. "I don't have to listen to you. You're a murderer and a manipulative son of a bitch."

" _That may be_ ," he said, " _but admit it, Alec. You want to hear what I have to say_."

"No, I don't." My voice wavered.

" _Your friends have been keeping secrets from you. Are you aware that Magnus has blocked your memories_?"

My eyes darted to the door. "He would never."

" _Tell me what I did to you, Alec_."

I recoiled from his words. "What?"

" _Tell me how I tortured you until you begged for death. Tell me how I locked you inside a box and slowly filled it with water. Tell me how I cut you open, had you beaten, had you injected with demon blood_."

Bile crept up my throat. "You're lying."

" _I burned you twice on your back. Once on your shoulder blade and once farther down. I can still hear your screams, Alec. Like music to my ears_."

"Shut up!" I cried, my thoughts whirling in a tornado of truth and deceit.

" _Tell me, Alec, how are you faring? Any bursts of uncontrollable rage lately? Do you find yourself tuning in and out of reality_?"

My heart skipped a beat. "How do you know about that?"

" _Oh, I'm well aware of the side effects of the demon blood I injected you with_."

Despite the chill I felt, my body broke out in sweat. I tugged against the chains again.

" _Magnus thinks you're weak_ ," Sebastian went on. " _Hence the reason he put that block in your mind. You're anything but weak, Alec. And you're going to become much stronger. You will prove Magnus and Jace wrong, and it's a lesson they won't soon forget_."

Something in his voice stabbed fear through me. "What the hell are you planning?"

" _Every second that ticks by, your control over your own body and mind will slip farther away. As your control fades, your anger will escalate. Of course, all that rage will have to be unleashed_."

"I'll never let that happen."

" _That is not your choice_ ," Sebastian growled. " _And when it does happen, you're going to do something for me, Alec_."

My legs trembled, threatening to give out beneath me. I wrapped my fingers around the chains and clenched them until my knuckles turned white. I already knew what he was going to say.

"No..."

" _Yes. You are going to kill Jace Herondale and Magnus Bane_."


	18. Parasite

Magnus was leaning against the wall across from me, eyes staring into oblivion. His arms were crossed, distress evident in the rigidity of his body. Alec's screaming had finally subsided, but that did not put the warlock at ease. Neither of us had spoken a word since we'd walked out of the room that now served as a detainment for my _parabatai_. Magnus's silence was unnerving; I knew he was holding something back.

Unable to endure the hush between us any longer, I cleared my throat. "We can't leave him locked up in there, Magnus."

At first I wasn't sure if he had heard me; his eyes stayed trained on the air in front of him. Finally his yellow eyes slowly turned to me, narrowing.

"You make it sound as if we have a choice," he muttered.

"He's not an animal."

"No. He's an unstable, homicidal Shadowhunter."

My lips pressed into a thin line. "If you're too afraid to keep him here, I'll take him back to the Institute."

"You," Magnus pinched the bridge of his nose, "are such an idiot."

"So you _are_ afraid of him," I challenged, folding my arms.

"Of course I am." He cast a sidelong glance at me. "Don't pretend that you aren't, too, Jace."

I sighed, seeing no point in lying my way through an argument. "What's your solution?"

"Oh, gee, well I was thinking I'd bake a cake made with love and smiles and sugar and feed it to Alec with the hope that the deliciousness will counteract his bloodthirsty tendencies." The warlock's voice dripped with sarcasm.

"You're not helping."

"Neither are you!"

"Some warlock you are," I scoffed.

Magnus pointed his finger at me. "Don't push me, Nephilim."

I let my head fall against the wall at my back with a light thud. "So what do we know?"

"Not a hell of a lot. It's all just speculation at this point."

"Don't be shy," I prompted. "Share with the class."

Magnus rubbed his chin. "Alec's condition must be a side effect of the demon blood Sebastian injected him with. Evidently, it remained in his system even though I healed the demon poisoning. Unfortunately, I've never seen side effects like these. Sebastian either altered the blood in some way or he is using a new breed of demon. Either way, until I know what we're dealing with, I have no way of curing Alec. Attempting to heal him now would be like putting a band-aid on a broken arm...in the dark."

"So we really have nothing."

"Well..."

My head snapped up. "Well what?"

"I do have a theory," Magnus said quietly, "but I'd like to test it before I tell you."

"Forget the theory. What kind of testing are you talking about?"

Magnus waved his hand, dismissing my thoughts. "I don't plan on cutting him open. I need to see if I can provoke the possession."

"You want Alec to lose control and become a psychotic killer?" I clarified.

"I want to see if I can make him lose control, yes."

"All right." My hand gripped the seraph blade sheathed at my hip. "You better hope he doesn't break free of those chains."

"He won't." Magnus's face grew stern. "Jace, do not question anything I do or say when we go into that room. Just keep your mouth shut."

My eyes narrowed. "Fine. Just...don't do too much damage."

Magnus nodded and led the way down the hall and to the closed door of Alec's room. He reached out and grabbed the doorknob but paused before pushing it open.

"I really hope my theory is wrong," he whispered.

My baffled expression followed him as we stepped inside. Alec's head lifted at the sound of the door closing, and my heart lurched to see his eyes rimmed with red and rivulets of blood snaking down his forearms. I turned my gaze away and kept my expression guarded. I could not let Alec's condition affect me. We needed to do what had to be done in order to help him.

Magnus positioned himself in front of Alec and clasped his hands behind his back. He stared at Alec for a time, studying his face. I noticed the warlock's finger twitching, aching to reach out and touch my _parabatai_ 's cheek.

"Magnus," Alec said. "There's something important I need to tell you."

"Please, Alec," Magnus cut in. "Let me go first."

"But--"

"I haven't been honest with you, Alexander."

Alec hesitated and his brow furrowed. "What are you talking about?"

"Remember the story you were told about your scars?"

"It was a demon."

Magnus straightened his posture, bracing himself for Alec's reaction. "That was a lie. You were abducted by Sebastian, and he tortured you."

"No." Alec shook his head, refusing to believe it. "No. It was a demon. Jace said it was--"

"Jace lied."

Alec's betrayed eyes flicked over to me, and I struggled to resist the urge to avert my gaze. I gave a slight nod, confirming Magnus's words.

"I put a block inside your mind," the warlock went on, "to suppress the trauma of the memories."

Alec pulled against the chains. "You did it without my permission?"

"Yes. I knew you would never ask me to do it, yourself."

"Why would you do that?" Alec whispered.

Magnus tilted his head. "You couldn't handle it."

I bristled at the harshness in Magnus's tone but kept my mouth shut.

"You were too weak, Alexander. The way you'd wake up screaming every night was frustrating. Even worse, you become somewhat of a tease. You'd let me touch you, but just when the going would get good, you'd push me away because you were afraid. I decided to put an end to it."

Alec's hands clenched into fists and the chains rattled as his body jerked. "That's not true."

Magnus clenched his fingers into Alec's hair. "You see how fragile your little mind is? You can't even handle what I'm telling you. Pathetic."

"Magnus, stop," Alec begged, his limbs twitching.

"How did I ever fall for someone like you? Nothing about you is strong."

An inhuman growl escaped through Alec's clenched teeth. His head slumped forward as a spasm wracked his body. Panting, he lifted his eyes, which were flashing between blue and black.

Suddenly, a crack resounded through the room as Magnus backhanded Alec across the cheek. I stepped forward, but Magnus rooted me back into my place with a glare over his shoulder. Alec let out a soft whimper.

"What's wrong?" Magnus sneered. "Can't take it?"

"Magnus--"

The warlock backhanded the other side of Alec's face, silencing his words. A mixture of spit and blood dripped from Alec's mouth.

"Come on!" Magnus yelled. "Take it like a man!"

All of a sudden, Alec started to laugh. The sound sent shivers crawling up my spine. My grip around the seraph blade tightened as Alec straightened. His irises were black and his lips were curved upwards in a taunting smile. He tossed the hair out of his eyes with a flick of his head and pinned Magnus under his stare.

"I'm going to kill you."

Magnus took a step back and cursed, running his fingers through his hair. Alec groaned and doubled over, bending as far as the chains would allow him. He cried out as convulsions twisted his body at odd angles. Still bent over, he lifted his head and revealed his dual colored eyes: one black and one blue.

"I hate you," he spat. "I hate you, you son of a bitch. I regret ever coming crawling back to you. I should have put that blade to my wrists and ended it."

Magnus turned to me. "We're finished here."

I stayed behind as the warlock hastily exited from the room. I watched Alec as he struggled to straighten. He groaned as his body continued to spasm.

"Alec..."

"I hate you, Jace," he hissed. "You ruined my life. You got my little brother killed. None of this would have happened if you hadn't tried to wedge yourself into my family. Burn in hell, you bastard."

Though I tried to tell myself it was not really Alec speaking, his words still felt like a kick in the ribs. Without another word, I walked out of the room and closed the door behind me. I wandered down the hall with my shoulders sagging, defeated. When I rounded the corner, Magnus was leaning against the wall again with the heels of his palms pushed into his eyes.

"How could I hit him like that?" he murmured. "And the things I said..."

"You only did what needed to be done. We can't help him without making sacrifices. Alec will forgive you once you heal him."

Magnus pulled his hands away and watched me with glistening eyes. He looked as though he didn't believe a word that I had said, not that I could blame him. I was having a difficult time believing myself.

"What's the verdict on your theory?"

Magnus cleared his throat and took a breath. "I think we've been looking at this the wrong way. What if we stop thinking of this as a side effect, and more of a parasite?"

I wrinkled my nose. "Like a tapeworm?"

He rolled his eyes. "If you like. Now, imagine this parasite feeding not on Alec, himself, but on his emotions. It must have started out feeding on Alec's fear, which, thanks to Sebastian, there was plenty of. It became self-sustaining by generating hallucinations and nightmares."

"So it kept Alec in a constant state of fear."

"Exactly. Unfortunately, when I placed the shield inside Alec's mind, I cut off the parasite's food source. The night Alec had a seizure, it must have been trying to attack the block to access the memories and fear, but it didn't get the sustenance that it needed.

"With its primary food source gone, it needed to adapt to survive. Thus, it latched itself onto Alec's anger. Now it's been amplifying his aggression in order to feed itself. The more rage it feeds on, the more it consumes Alec. He's losing control more frequently and for longer periods of time. Eventually..."

"Alec won't come back," I finished.

"You know," Magnus said quietly, "I always thought rescuing Alec had been too easy."

I blinked. "What are you talking about? Nothing about it was easy."

"Think about it, Jace. There were only two guards there to stop us. Alec was alive when we found him--"

"Barely," I interjected.

"But still alive," Magnus continued. "When have you known Sebastian to be merciful? He knew I would heal Alec, and..."

"And what?"

"I think that son of a bitch knew I'd put up the block in Alec's mind. What if this was his plan all along? He did more damage to us by keeping Alec alive and making us watch as he suffered from the trauma, and now he's kicking us while we're down by turning Alec against us."

"But now we can fight back," I said firmly. "Now that you have an idea of what we're dealing with, you can fix him, right?"

Magnus looked dubious. "The solutions I have are grisly at best."

"We can't do nothing." I spread my hands. "What have you got?"

He rubbed his eyes with his thumb and index finger. "We could leave him chained up and go back to researching, but time is slipping through our fingers like grains of sand."

"I can barely handle seeing him in chains. I'm not putting him under maximum security. What else?"

"We could bleed him."

"Excuse me?"

Reluctance was etched in the warlock's face. "We'd cut him open, probably at his wrists and throat to begin with, and let him bleed out. With any luck, the demon blood will be expelled from his body."

"You can't be serious," I growled. "Absolutely not."

"I agree. The risks are too high. Alec could die before we got the bleeding under control or there's a chance the demon blood would remain in his system, and our efforts would have been for nothing."

"What's our other option?"

Magnus's gaze dropped to the floor. A chill licked at the back of my neck.

"Magnus," I raised my voice, "what's our other option?"

The warlock's eyes fell on me and I read in those yellow depths what his answer was before he could part his lips. My knees buckled and he reached out to grab me, but I steadied myself against the wall.

"Jace--"

"No!" I shook my head and pointed an accusatory finger at him. "Don't you dare say it."

"We may not have a choice," Magnus said, his voice low and despondent.

I thrust myself into the warlock's personal space, my face mere inches from his. "I don't care. I will die before killing Alec."

"I'm as against it as you are," Magnus assured me.

"Good. Then find another way to fix him." I pierced the warlock with my vicious gaze. "And if you lay a finger on him, I will kill you."


	19. Letting Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, chumps! So this is the second "final" chapter of Forever Parabatai. Of course, there are still five chapters left to go. :) This one is quite a doozy. 14 pages long on Word. Hang in there! Thanks for reading and leaving me comments and kudos, everyone! Y'all are great!

Over twenty-four hours had passed. Twenty-four gruesome hours of Alec phasing in and out of possession. His violent aggression was occurring more frequently and for longer periods of time. Jace and I took turns watching over Alec and reading through endless piles of books we borrowed from the Institute. We endured the threats and words of hatred he spat at us, blocking him out to the best of our abilities. Still, it only took so long for Alec to find a grip on our skin before clawing his way inside, ripping at our minds and our hearts. Alec was deteriorating fast, and so were we.

I paced the room quietly, my eyes flicking over to Alec's limp form every couple of seconds. He was dangling from his restraints, his legs unable to hold him up, and I wanted nothing more than to release him and scoop him up in my arms. Instead, I turned on my heel and retraced my steps back to the other side of the room.

The parasitic demon blood had left Alec's true form weak and fragile. His body twisted at odd angles and convulsed every time he experienced an episode. Neither Jace nor I could get near him during his fits of aggression, and, because they were happening more often, we could not get to Alec while he was in a state of calm fast enough to give him food and water. The possessed side of Alec was strong, well fed by the surfacing of suppressed hatred and anger. That side of him never slept, leaving our Alec exhausted and haggard-looking.

"Mag...nus?" Alec's choked voice was so quiet I had barely heard it. I whipped around, gaping at him like he was a stick of dynamite that could explode at any second. He was still slumped forward, hanging by his wrists, but ever so slowly he began to lift his head. Though his eyes were rimmed with red and half-lidded, I could clearly see his blue irises.

"Alec," I breathed, taking a step forward.

"No," Alec groaned, stopping me in my tracks. "I...don't want...to hurt...you."

I opened my mouth to argue but closed it again, knowing he was right. Getting close to Alec would be like reaching a hand through the bars of a caged -- and seriously pissed off -- lion.

"What are you feeling right now, Alec?" I asked.

Alec blinked, black splotches tugging at his bottom eyelids. "Tired."

"What else?"

"Sore...Thirsty."

I hurried forward, hastily uncapping the bottle of water in my hand. Alec's eyes widened in alarm as I approached him. He opened his mouth to speak but I cut him off.

"Drink this," I said, holding the bottle to his lips.

Alec hesitated before accepting my help. Water spilled out of his mouth as he coughed and sputtered after the first swallow. I gently told him to drink slower before pouring more. He drank greedily, panting heavily as I pulled the bottle away after each heavy chug. When the last droplet slipped past his parted lips, Alec let out a contented sigh. With a grunt, he attempted to pull himself into a standing position. His knees trembled as he struggled to hold up his weight. Without a second thought I reached forward and wrapped my arm around Alec's waist, helping him up. When he steadied himself, he let his head fall against my shoulder. The gesture left me in shock. It had felt like an eternity since Alec had showed me any affection.

"Thank you," he whispered.

"You're welcome."

"Magnus?"

I tightened my arm around him. "Hmm?"

"Did you figure it out yet?" Alec asked. "Can you help me?"

I paused, debating blinding him with a lie. "We're working it on."

Alec nuzzled his cheek against my shoulder before pulling away, the chains clinking overhead. My glance was drawn upward and I caught glimpses of the raw skin on Alec's wrists under the metal shackles. Fresh blood, slow as molasses, oozed down his arms, criss-crossing the paths of dried blood.

"He's going to find me."

Alec's low voice snapped my out of my reverie. "What did you say?"

"He's going to find me."

"Who is?" I reached out and turned Alec's face towards me.

"He wants to pick my brain." Alec's body jerked. "He'll torture me until he gets the information he wants. The warlock...he can access my memories."

I gaped at him, unable to decipher his words. Had the demon blood been crafting hallucinations again, or had it gnawed farther into his mind, rendering him incapable of discerning reality from nightmare?

"What are you talking about, Alec?"

"The book--"

A shudder passed over Alec's body and his hands clenched into fists, yanking against the chains.

_No, no, no_!

Alec yelled in agony. Desperate, I put my fingers to his forehead and let the blue sparks sink into his skin. Alec went limp for a moment, but just as quickly as he had passed out, he jerked back into consciousness. Dumbfounded, I tried again. He regained consciousness in a matter of seconds, writhing and whimpering.

I recoiled from the Shadowhunter as the possession overtook him, blinking furiously to dam the tears pricking at the back of my eyes. The spasms made Alec curl in on himself. He cried out and panted as his body contorted.

"Magnus!" Alec's head shot up and his darkening eyes fixed on me. "Run!"

It became apparent very quickly that this episode was not like the others. Alec gasped for air and screamed, pulling against the restraints viciously. Suddenly, like a switchblade, Alec jackknifed from being doubled over to standing on the balls on his feet, his back arched and his chest raised towards the ceiling. He convulsed as he slowly straightened and lowered his heels back to the floor. Alec's dark eyes fell on me, and a small smile touched his lips. With a yell, he gave a mighty heave and broke free of his restraints. The two lengths of chains swung aside and clattered against the walls on either side of the room. Alec inspected the shackles still locked around his wrists before turning his glare to me.

"If I don't kill you right away," he growled, "I'm going to put _you_ in chains. I'd like for you to know how it feels to lose the circulation in your arms and hands, to skin your wrists bloody, to be betrayed by someone you thought you could trust."

Blue sparks glittered against my palms and adrenaline coursed through my veins. "I can help you, Alec."

Alec cocked his head to the side and approached me, his face softening. "You want to help me?"

"Of course I do," I said, holding my ground.

He leaned forward and whispered, "Then let me hear you scream."

Swifter than the strike of a snake, Alec reached out and grabbed the lapels of my leather jacket and swung me around. He released me halfway through the turn and my body hurled towards the wall on the far side of the room. A loud crack thundered in my ears, but before I could determine if it was the wall or my skull I was pulled under by darkness.

* * *

I was jerked awake by the ear-splitting slam that shook the walls. I blinked rapidly to expel the drowsiness from my eyes, furious for having dozed off. Fully alert, I tossed the book that was cradled in my lap aside and raced down the hall to Alec's room, tearing the door open.

Magnus was laying unmoving in a crumpled heap on the floor at the far side of the room. Alec was stalking towards him, but he turned his attention to me as I threw the door open. Panic welled inside me as my eyes darted to the cracks in the wall at Magnus's back. Alec, now free of his restraints, was ready to fight me one-on-one. I had a seraph blade and a dagger in the weapons belt around my waist, yet I felt at a terrible disadvantage.

"What have you done, Alec?"

His dark eyes narrowed as he smirked. "The same thing I'm about to do to you."

I reached for my seraph blade. "I don't want to hurt you."

Alec's eyes blazed. "You already have."

Magnus moaned suddenly and shifted on the floor, momentarily diverting Alec's attention. I took advantage of his distraction and bolted towards him. He turned just in time for me to tackle him around his waist, sending us both crashing to the floor. I quickly repositioned myself while he was stunned and attempted to grab his wrists to pin him down, but Alec recovered quickly and began shoving at me, hard. His strength caught me off guard, and soon we were rolling across the floor. I gained the advantage again and dropped all my weight on Alec to hold him down, but he reared upwards and bashed his skull against mine. Black spots swam in front of my eyes and Alec rolled us over again, this time crushing me beneath him. His knees painfully pinned my arms to the floor, and I thrashed wildly trying to buck him off.

Alec's hands suddenly wrapped around my throat and squeezed. I gasped for air and furiously fought to free myself. My vision blurred and my heart raced as his grip tightened. I locked gazes with him, desperately searching for any traces of blue left in the pits of darkness. When I tried to choke out his name, Alec's fingers dug into my skin, completely closing off my air. My lungs burned and room began to darken.

Two arms snaked around Alec's chest and hauled him off of me. I immediately sucked in a breath of air and was wracked with a fit of coughing. As I wheezed on the floor, I caught sight of Magnus struggling to control my _parabatai_. The muscles in the warlock's arms bulged under the strenuous effort. Alec tore at his arms to try and free himself, but Magnus's hands were locked together around him. Very faintly I could see blue sparks glowing against Magnus's skin; he was using magic to help keep his grip unbreakable.

With a yell, Alec launched himself backwards and Magnus had to back up in a frenzy to keep himself upright. Alec used the momentum and pushed them back against the wall, hard. I could hear the breath tear out of Magnus's lungs, and his grip temporarily loosened. Alec skillfully slipped out of his grasp and whipped around, throwing his knee up into Magnus's stomach where the knife had once been embedded in his flesh. The warlock immediately dropped the floor on his hands and knees. Alec kicked him in the ribs, forcing the warlock to sprawl out on his back.

Leaping to my feet and unsheathing my seraph blade, I charged at Alec. This time he was ready for me; he charged back at me. Before we could collide, Alec veered suddenly to the side and swung outwards with his arm. His forearm struck me across the chest with enough force to instantly throw me to the floor. I lay on my back, winded, and the seraph blade fell from my grasp.

Alec scooped up my weapon and crouched over me. He was no longer smiling but the malice in his eyes had not faded. My pulse was racing, but it felt as though my heart had stopped. Fear made me sink farther into the floor. My parabatai was no longer staring down at me; I was staring up into the eyes of my own death.

Alec slammed the blade into the floor mere inches from my head, and I flinched.

"Beg me for your life, Jace," he whispered, leaning forward.

I clamped my mouth shut and turned my head away, but Alec grabbed my chin roughly and forced me to look at him. He pulled the blade free from the floor and angled it in front of my face so I could see the glint of light sparkling against the sharp edge.

"Beg me."

"No."

Alec pressed the seraph blade against my cheek, dangerously close to my eye. "Defiant as ever. You arrogant little son of a bitch. You always thought you were better than everyone, better than me. You forced me to live in your shadow, and now you're going to have to beg me for your life."

My lips curved into a smirk. "No one's begging."

With one hand I knocked the seraph blade out of Alec's hand and with the other I threw my fist into his jaw. The blow knocked him off balance, but before I could get to my feet Alec was grappling me, trying to force me back to the floor. When he lunged for my throat again I let my hand drop to my weapons belt and I closed my fingers around the hilt of a dagger. I swung the blade at him. He shifted his arm just in time and the dagger clanged against the metal shackle around his wrist. Alec's face twisted into a snarl and he caught my wrist in his grip, twisting and crushing until I cried out and the dagger slipped from my fingers. He hastily retrieved it from the floor and lifted it over his head, his eyes blazing as he readied himself to plunge the weapon into me.

The strike never came. A yell tore from Alec's mouth as he was suddenly thrown across the room and against the same wall that Magnus had crashed into. He fell to the floor facedown and he remained immobile for a moment, but then groaned and slowly pushed himself to his hands and knees.

Magnus was at my side in an instant, hauling me my feet. He hurried me to the opposite end of the room and turned back to Alec, who was now back on his feet. His teeth gritted, he took a step forward. Magnus raised his hand and a sheer wall, shimmering now and then with blue ripples, appeared in front of Alec. He bumped into it and ricocheted back. A baffled look crossed his face as he tried to approach us again. When he could not penetrate the wall, Alec yelled in fury and began pounding his fists and feet against it. Magnus groaned and raised his other hand, a thin sheen of sweat covering his skin and his face tight with concentration and exertion.

"Are you all right?" I asked.

Magnus grimaced. "My magic has little-to-no effect on him. I won't be able to hold this wall for very long; he's too powerful."

My thoughts raced. "So what do we do?"

The warlock's teeth gritted as Alec rammed his shoulder against the wall. "Jace, I thought of something that might help Alec."

My pulse jumped in my throat. "We can save him?"

"I don't know, but it's all we have." Magnus glanced at me briefly, his yellow cat eyes shining. "It's you, Jace. You can help him."

"What?"

Magnus cursed as Alec threw himself into the wall again. I couldn't help but notice the way the warlock's hands were shaking. There wasn't much time left.

Magnus's words came out in a rush, "You were pierced with an archangel's sword. The evil was burned from you. The heavenly fire made your blood possibly as pure as Michael's himself."

"How did you--"

Magnus ignored me and continued, "I think your blood can reverse the demon blood."

"You think my blood can kill the evil inside of him?"

"Yes!" Magnus said impatiently.

"What do you want me to do?"

"Do you have anything sharp on you?"

"No. My seraph blade is across the room and Alec has my dagger."

"Damn it. All right, listen carefully. You're not going to like this."

"I can handle it," I assured him, refusing to let my voice shake.

"I'm going to slice open your wrist, and we'll need to move quickly because the wound is going to be deep. We'll both grab Alec and then I'll hold him as long as I can while you put your wrist to his lips and bleed into his mouth."

I blanched. "You can't be serious."

"If you can, open up the skin on his throat and wipe your blood across the wound. It'll speed up the process. Do whatever you have to do. Bite him, scratch him. Just make him bleed. Don't remove your wrist from his mouth until you know he's swallowed the blood."

"Okay." My voice was unsteady.

"Jace, don't let go until he's swallowed it. No matter what. Are you ready?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry."

Magnus moved one of his hands to aim it at me. I gasped as a harsh stinging sensation tore down the inside of my wrist. Blood instantly flooded from the parted flesh, dark, hot and thick. I bit my tongue against the pain and prepared myself for the hardest part of our plan.

With a shaky breath, Magnus lowered his hand and the wall disappeared. Alec instantly charged forward, my dagger now clenched tightly in his left hand. Magnus took the lead and I followed closely behind, fighting the waves of dizziness that washed over me as the steady stream of blood gushed from the vertical slash in my wrist. Just as we were about to collide in the center of the room, my feet suddenly left the floor and I found myself leaping through the air. Magnus was still at my side, glints of blue light flashing from his fingertips. He lifted us over Alec's head and dropped us behind him.

Before Alec could whip around Magnus grabbed him from behind. He locked his wrists around Alec again, this time pinning Alec's forearms against Alec's chest. The other Shadowhunter trashed wildly in Magnus's grip, snarling in rage.

I hurried to the right side of Magnus and snaked my left around in front of the warlock and around Alec's abdomen, clenching tightly to secure him in place. Before I could give it a second thought, I leaned forward and clamped my teeth down on the skin at Alec's neck, biting down until the metallic tang of blood flooded my mouth. Alec howled and twisted savagely, but Magnus and I held strong. I quickly smeared my blood on the curved rows of puncture wounds at Alec's throat before pressing myself tightly against his back. I reached my arm around his front and, before he could figure out what I was doing and turn away, shoved my wrist against his lips. My actions caught him by surprised and he didn't have time to grit his teeth against me. I felt his tongue briefly flick against the wound, which sent currents of pain up my arm, and he began to violently wrench his head from side to side. I pressed my wrist firmly against his mouth. Alec switched tactics and clamped his teeth down on my wrist. The pain was agonizing. I cried out but refused to let go. My breath came in shallow pants as he bit down harder.

"Jace!" Magnus's voice was strained as he struggled to keep his grapple on Alec. "Cover his mouth and nose!"

I waited for a moment, allowing my blood to fill his mouth completely. Swiftly, so as to not give him a chance to spit any out, I slid my arm back and clamped my hand tightly over Alec's mouth. I squeezed his nostrils shut between my thumb and the first knuckle of my index finger.

Alec's wrenching intensified and he fought even harder against us. It was all I could do to keep my hand clamped over his mouth. I mentally counted down the seconds in my head. Alec may have been demonic, but the possession was occurring inside a mortal shell. Sooner or later he'd have to breathe, and to breathe he'd have to swallow my blood.

All of a sudden Alec's body jerked and he bent forward before quickly straightening again. I managed to hold on, but Magnus's grip loosened slightly and Alec's left hand slipped free. Without a moment's hesitation, Alec swung his arm backwards.

A ragged breath tore from Magnus's lips. I kept my grip tight around Alec but turned my gaze to the warlock. His eyes met mine and he began to say something but all that escaped his mouth was a choking, gurgling noise. My left arm automatically tightened around Alec's torso as Magnus's arms fell away from him. The warlock took two shaky steps backward, his eyes wide with shock. His knees gave out beneath him and he crumpled to the floor on his back, but not before I saw the handle of the knife sticking out from his ribs.

"Magnus!"

The only response was a noise Alec made deep in his throat. His entire body went rigid and I felt his lips part under my palm. I pulled my arms away and stepped back, pushing my left hand against my still-bleeding wrist.

Alec curled in on himself, jerking violently and dry heaving. He collapsed onto his hands and knees and groaned as his body was wracked with spasms. A scream tore from Alec's lips as his back arched upwards. He continued to dry heave but did not vomit. He twitched and slowly turned his head towards me. Pain-filled tears rolled down Alec's cheeks from his blue eyes.

"Jace," he whimpered before collapsing against the floor.

"Alec!"

I fell to my knees beside my _parabatai_ and rolled him over, cradling the upper half of his body in my lap. Alec's eyelids fluttered as he shook in my arms, but finally his trembling began to subside and he lay still, breathing heavily.

"Alec," I softly called.

Alec gasped and his eyes tore open, his hand darting out to clench the front of my shirt.

"It's okay!" I pried Alec's fingers from my shirt and clenched them in my hand. "It's okay, Alec. I'm here."

My _parabatai_ 's wide blue eyes focused on me and a look of clarity crossed his face. "Jace. You're all right."

I nodded and wiped at a smear of blood in the corner of Alec's mouth. "You didn't hurt me."

Alec clamped his eyes shut, but a tear managed to escape. "I'm sorry."

I hugged him closer to me. "Shut up, Alec. Just be still and rest for a minute."

He gently pushed me away. "Where's Magnus?"

I froze and my eyes automatically drifted to the warlock's unmoving form laying nearby. Alec followed my gaze. He whimpered and jackknifed into a sitting position.

"Magnus!" he screamed.

When Alec tried to crawl towards Magnus, I reached out and grabbed him. I already knew. The paleness of the warlock's skin and the lack of movement in his chest spoke for itself.

"Alec--"

"Let go of me!"

I wrapped my arms around Alec's chest, hugging him against me. He continued to wrench against me, fighting to get free.

"Damn it, Jace!" he cried. " _Please_! Let me go!"

"There's nothing you can do," I whispered against his ear. "He's gone, Alec."

* * *

" _There's nothing you can do. He's gone_."

I shook my head furiously, refusing to let it be true. I struggled against Jace's hold. Frustrated when he wouldn't let go, I inwardly muttered an apology and leaned to the side, shoving my elbow upwards and into his nose. The force was not enough to break it, but Jace immediately released me as blood dripped from his nostrils.

I frantically crawled over to Magnus, every muscle and joint screaming in protest. My hands trembled as I knelt beside him. His eyes were closed and his head lolled to one side, blood glistening at the corner of his mouth. Tears, burning with anger, flooded the bottoms of my eyes as I stared at the knife protruding from his ribcage. I gingerly reached out and lightly shook his shoulder.

"Magnus?" When he remained motionless I tried again. "Magnus, wake up."

My heart pounded against my chest. A cry of panic escaped from my lips. I leaned over and grasped both of Magnus's shoulders, shaking him harder.

"Magnus, wake up!" I shouted.

Though I hadn't heard him approach, Jace knelt on the other side of Magnus. His nose had stopped bleeding but there was still blood smeared under his nostrils. There was no anger in his golden eyes, only pity and grief.

"Magnus Bane!" I yelled. "Wake up, damn it!"

Jace reached for my shoulder but I slapped his hand away.

"Magnus, I'm sorry! Please don't leave me!"

Before I could stop myself, I slapped the warlock across the cheek. His head lolled to the other side, but he remained motionless.

"Alec!" Jace cried, appalled.

I ran my shaky fingers through my hair. For a moment I sat there staring at Magnus, my arms wrapped around myself as I shivered uncontrollably. My eyes suddenly caught a glimpse of blood welling between Jace's fingers from a wound in his wrist. My thoughts tripped over each other in my head.

Furiously swiping the tears from my cheeks I reached out and yanked the knife from Magnus's ribs. I ignored Jace's protesting and snatched up his arm, tugging him forward until his wrist was positioned over the hole in Magnus's flesh. Jace hissed as I squeezed his wrist, draining a thin stream of blood into the stab wound. Before he could pull away, I laced my fingers through Jace's. With my free hand I picked up Magnus's and placed his palm over the wound and set my hand on top of his.

"Take Magnus's other hand, Jace."

"Alec--"

"Please," I begged. "I have to try. Please, Jace."

Sadness glittered in my _parabatai_ 's eyes. Without another word he reached down and held Magnus's other hand tightly in his own.

"Take our strength, Magnus," I whispered. "Heal yourself."

I prayed Jace's blood was powerful enough to help him. Every second that passed brought fresh tears to my eyes. I kept my eyes fixed on Magnus's face, scrutinizing for the faintest flicker of his eyelashes, the faintest twitch of his lips.

"Alec..."

I let Jace's hand slip from mine, but I kept the other pressed against Magnus's. Fatigue left me teetering on my knees. Fresh tears slid down my cheeks. So this was what ultimate defeat felt like. I reached forward with my free hand and stroked my thumb across Magnus's cheek.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I'm so sorry."

When Jace's hand touched my shoulder I did not shrug it off. I curled my fingers in between Magnus's and leaned forward. I wished his eyes were open so I could lose myself in their dazzling beauty one last time.

"I love you."

I carefully pressed my lips against his and held them there, never wanting to let go. I imagined his fingers cupping the back of my neck, sliding into my hair. I imagined his thumbs brushing over my cheeks. I imagined him smiling against my mouth as he began to pull away.

" _Mmphf_..."

I pulled back hastily, frightened.

"I can't...breathe...when you...do that."

A strangled cry of relief ripped from me. I threw myself down on Magnus and wrapped my arms around his neck, holding on for dear life. Magnus groaned in pain but I refused to let him go. I apologized profusely, tightening my hold on him. When his arms finally wrapped around me, I buried my face in his shoulder and unleashed the dam of tears.

When I pulled back, I tried my best to look stern. "If you ever do that again I will kill you."

"Noted," Magnus said, smiling weakly.

Jace and I shared a grin. Silenced enveloped the three of us. I reached out my hand and Jace wordlessly placed his in mine. I took Magnus's in my other and sat there, not speaking a single word. I held on tightly, refusing to let either of them slip from my grasp again.

* * *

 

Jace and I were standing on a bridge in Central Park watching the sparkling sunlight dance across the water's surface. Despite the sun's presence, it was a chilly day. I was dressed in a jacket and my blue sweater. Jace had only a hoodie, but he seemed unbothered by the cold.

"So," he said, amusement laced in his voice. "When do I get to punch you in the face?"

I quirked an eyebrow. "Pardon me?"

"You shoved your elbow into my nose. Almost broke it, too. It's been a week, Alec. I've been lenient. The time has come. It's only fair if I get to punch you in the face, too."

"You bit me," I countered.

Jace waved his hand. "Oh, please. That was a love bite. You can't almost break somebody's nose out of love."

I opened my mouth to respond but I caught a familiar form moving towards us over Jace's shoulder. Jace noticed my staring and followed my gaze. When he turned back to me, he was grinning widely. He gave me a wink and pushed himself away from the railing of the bridge.

"That's my cue to head home."

"You can stay if you want," I offered.

"Nah. It's getting dark anyway. It's dangerous to be here when it's late."

I gave my _parabatai_ a baffled look.

He lowered his voice. "The ducks come out at night."

With a grin, Jace tucked his hands into his pocket and strode off in the opposite direction. I watched him go until I felt a hand curl around my waist. My lips curved into a smile as a light breeze washed the scent of sandalwood over me. I leaned into Magnus's side and we both turned to the water.

"Goldilocks too cool to hang out with us?" Magnus asked.

"Apparently the ducks come out at night."

"Herondales."

I could almost hear the warlock roll his eyes. My smile faded and I nervously began fiddling with my fingers. Magnus's arm slid away from my waist and he mirrored me, placing his elbows on the railing of the bridge and interlacing his fingers together.

"What's wrong?" There was genuine concern in his voice.

"I want to ask you something."

He reached over and turned my face towards him, smiling encouragingly. "Ask away, love."

"I want you to take down the block in my memories."

Magnus's hand fell away from my cheek. "Alexander--"

"I know you think I'm weak--"

"Hey." Magnus's eyes blazed. "You are anything but weak."

I nodded. "Well, maybe you think I can't handle it, but I need those memories, Magnus. I can't explain why, but I need to overcome this on my own terms."

"Alec, you don't have to prove anything. No one thinks you're weak, and no one would think any different if you chose to keep the memories blocked."

My voice was small. "I think I'm weak."

Magnus's face softened in understanding. "You want to prove your strength to yourself."

"I know it sounds stupid, but I just have to do it." "It doesn't sound stupid."

I gazed deeply into Magnus's yellow eyes. "With these memories, it'll be much easier to kill Sebastian once we find him. He took my brother from me and scarred me in every way imaginable. I'm going to make him suffer."

"That sounds healthy."

"Please, Magnus." I took the warlock's hand in mine. "Do this for me."

The reluctance was clearly evident on his face, but Magnus sighed and said, "Your memories were never mine to take, and I'm sorry that I did that to you. If you're absolutely sure, I will give them back."

I squeezed his fingers. "Thank you."

"It's not going to be easy, Alec. The torture Sebastian put you through...The resurfacing of the pain and fear is going to be overwhelming."

"I know." I smiled crookedly. "But I won't have to go through it alone. Jace will help me, and so will you."

Magnus slid closer to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. He pulled me into him, pressing his lips gently against mine. I closed my eyes and my heart fluttered in my chest. When Magnus pulled back he leaned his forehead against mine and smiled, gazing deep into my eyes.

"Of course I'll be there for you," he whispered. "I'll be there every step of the way. We're in this together, Alexander. It's you and me. Always. Forever."


	20. Life and Death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right! So this is kind of a different chapter. Just a reminder that the previous one was supposed to be the final one...yet again. Originally I only wrote this chapter to leave a cliffhanger so my readers could interpret their own ending...but everyone kept begging me for more. Alas, there are four more chapters left! Just a side note: this chapter is from Sebastian's POV, and some time has passed between this chapter and the previous. Enjoy!

The hypnotic beat of the club's music pounded against the walls of the private room. Outside, there were hundreds of Downworlders grinding against each other in a fog of heat and flashing lights. I reclined farther into the plush leather of the red sofa, bored and slightly annoyed. I glanced down at the drink in my hand and gave the glass a swirl, faintly hearing the ice cubes clink against each other. I took another swig and welcomed the luscious burning pathway the liquid trailed down my throat.

The other Shadowhunters in the room sensed my growing impatience and began pacing, hands clutched around weapons strapped to their waists. I smirked. My displeasure made them uneasy, and their fear was intoxicating. There was never enough terror and pain in the world to keep me fully sated.

The door to the private room suddenly blew open, and though my Shadowhunter guards stiffened, my eyes remained fixed on my drink. The sound of heels clacking against the floor licked at my ears. With a loud sigh I brought my leg up to rest my ankle on my opposite knee and draped my arm across the back of the sofa.

"You're late," I growled.

There was a light giggle. "I follow nobody's schedule but my own, Mr. Morgenstern."

I lifted my gaze. In front of me stood a seemingly normal girl, clad in tight leather with a pair of impossibly high stilettos strapped to her feet. Her makeup could have made Magnus Bane, himself, envious. There were hot pink streaks in her long ebony hair, which she tossed over her shoulder with a flick of her wrist. Her looks would have been enough to distract any other man from what lurked behind her. But not me. I caught the flicker of movement from her tail with ease. And though I could not deny that her outfit hugged her curves in all the right places, I scowled.

"You're not wearing the clothes I sent you."

The girl rolled her eyes. "You didn't seriously expect me to wear that out in public, did you? I wouldn't be caught dead wearing that."

"The outfit you're wearing now will get you caught, and you will wind up dead."

"That boy has no taste in fashion," she pouted.

"I'm glad you noticed." I cocked an eyebrow. "You have been studying up on him, haven't you?"

The girl's tail swished from side to side and she crossed her arms defensively, pushing her hip out to the side. "Of course I have. I know how to get a job done, Mr. Morgenstern. Besides, I gave you my word. And I _never_ go back on my word."

"I hope for your sake that's true," I said, swallowing the last of my drink.

"Are you nervous, Mr. Morgenstern?" the girl asked, eyeing my empty glass.

"No," I answered honestly. "I just hope you're ready. It would be a shame for me to have to kill you."

The girl smiled, unfazed. "I will not be among the dead when this is finished. You can make a toast to me during your victory speech, and I will raise my glass to you."

I grinned. "Well, why not start celebrating early?"

Setting my glass on the table in front of me, I reached into my pocket and pulled out a small vial. Red liquid sloshed against the glass as I extended my hand. The girl pulled the vial from my fingers and examined the contents before pulling out the stopper and placing it under her nose.

"This isn't fresh."

"No. The blood that was available to me was a little dried up. I had to scrape it out of a box. I added some water to make it easier for you to swallow, but I promise you it's authentic."

"Such a gentleman," the girl drawled, replacing the stopper.

Her heels clacked against the floor as she approached me. Her hips swung to the beat of the music and with slow, graceful movements she seated herself on my lap and wrapped her arms around my neck. My eyes locked onto her green ones as she trailed her fingers down the side of my face.

"I still need yours," she whispered.

"Take what you need."

My eyes remained fixed on her face, unabashed, as her hands explored my body. She was trying to distract me, but I refused to play into her little game. I caught the movement of her tail as it inched towards my face. She let out a surprised gasp as my hand shot out and clenched tightly around her thin tail.

"Not the face, love," I growled. "Can't give Jace Herondale anything to gloat about."

The girl smiled and twitched her tail, signalling for me to let go. I complied and she traced the hollow of my throat with one of the sharp spikes on the end of her tail. The spike scratched against my skin as she moved it upwards towards the side of my neck. I didn't make a sound as she made a small cut and placed her lips over the wound, sucking deeply on my blood. With a satisfied moan, she drew her tongue over the broken skin and sat back.

"Your blood is different," she commented.

"Oh really?" I asked, silently challenging her to say the taste disgusted her.

She smiled and fluttered her long lashes. "You're like exotic cuisine."

"I'm quite a delicacy."

Her skin suddenly began to ripple and her features began to twist and contort. Her hair shortened in length and faded to silver-white while her eyes darkened. Her slender figure broadened with muscle and suddenly there was a mirror image of myself sitting in my lap.

"I couldn't agree more," she said in my voice.

I grinned, impressed. "The resemblance is striking."

"I aim to please."

"Show me what I want to see," I said, my voice low.

The girl's skin - my skin - rippled again and she quickly changed back into her original form. I gave her a push and she raised herself from my lap with a roll of her eyes. Her tail lashed from side to side in annoyance but she obeyed and opened the vial again, spilling the blood mixture into her mouth. Before she could shape shift again, I held up my hand and snapped my fingers. One of my Shadowhunter guards stepped forward and handed her a small pile of folded clothes. She picked them up gingerly and eyed them with disgust.

"Change," I commanded.

"Is this really necessary?"

"The last thing I want to see is Alexander Lightwood in a pair of tight leather pants with a leather halter top and heels. Change."

The girl made a sound of irritation before stripping out of her clothes. All eyes were on her, but only mine watched with disinterest. She muttered under her breath as she slid on a pair of jeans and a blue sweater, both of which were too large on her slim frame. She remained barefoot and cocked her head at me, waiting for further instruction. When I inclined my head her skin immediately began to ripple again. The pink in her hair disappeared and the length shortened, and her eyes changed to a bright blue. Her shoulders broadened and she gained a bit more muscle to match her new height.

I stood up from the sofa and closed the small distance between us. Sweet memories flooded my mind as I looked this Alec Lightwood doppelganger up and down. I could still hear his screams, clear and agonized. I remembered the warmth of his blood as it dripped from my fingers.

"What's your name?" I questioned, circling around the fake Alec.

"Alexander Gideon Lightwood. I have a sister named Isabelle and a deceased brother named Max. Jace Herondale is my _parabatai_ , and I am deeply in love with a warlock named Magnus Bane. Last but not least, I have no sense of fashion."

I stopped in front of her. "Glad to know you've got the basics down. I hope your knowledge is a little more extensive than that. Also, it's one thing to _act_ like someone. It's another to _be_ someone. I hope you've studied his mannerisms."

The fake Alec shrugged. "Alec Lightwood has a tendency to fade into the background. He's unsure of himself. He's been under a lot of...stress...lately. How hard can it be? I'll just be quiet, jittery and take everything too seriously. I'll have Magnus Bane convinced the moment he sets his eyes on me."

Her confidence ignited my blood with excitement and the rapid beat of the distant music soon matched my pulse. Soon the Book of White would be in my hands, and the deaths of Alec Lightwood, Jace Herondale and Magnus Bane would just be the tip of the iceberg.

"Are you sure you can get into Magnus Bane's apartment?"

The fake Alec smiled. "His wards will defend against you. They can't keep out another warlock."

* * *

We stood on the opposite side of the street, watching as Jace, Alec and Clary exited the Institute and stood in front of the massive doors, chatting. Smiles were plastered on Jace and Clary's faces; Alec's smile was weak and fragile. His shoulders were tensed, as if he was waiting for someone to attack him from behind.

"How does he look to you?" the warlock asked me, her head tilted to one side as she watched the three Shadowhunters.

"Surprisingly well for someone suffering from post traumatic stress disorder," I muttered.

Jace was speaking with Alec and making motions with his hands, but Alec shook his head and pointed over his shoulder with his thumb. Jace spoke again and Alec responded with a nod. Still smiling, Jace clapped Alec on the shoulder and linked his hand with Clary's before turning around and walking away. Alec watched them for a moment before turning towards the direction he'd pointed, towards Magnus's apartment.

An exhilarated rush swept over me. We trailed him on our end of the street, watching as he nervously weaved in and out of the throngs of people. He thought he was heading towards safety, but every step was bringing him closer to the end of his life.

I turned to the blonde Shadowhunter beside me. Alec would recognize him instantly. The hair and ear full of hoops would register in Alec's mind and send his heart into a racing fit. I gave the signal and the Shadowhunter took off ahead of us. When I lost sight of him, I signalled for the warlock to shift. Glamoured from the eyes of the mundanes, her features began to change into a likeness of my own. Satisfied, I glanced across the street. My Shadowhunter was now walking towards Alec.

_Let the fun begin in three...two...one_.

Alec's head was down as he hurriedly walked along. He didn't see my Shadowhunter approaching him. The blonde rammed his shoulder into Alec's as he walked by. Alec looked up, startled, and turned around. The blonde Shadowhunter looked at Alec long enough for Alec to recognize him before turning away and continuing on down the street. I smiled as Alec's expression turned to one of horror. He remained rooted in place, his hand subconsciously reaching for the concealed weapon at his hip. I waited until Alec continued on his way before indicating for the warlock to take the next step.

Still in my form, she crossed the road and followed Alec with long strides. She waited until he approached an alleyway before catching up to him. Just like the blonde Shadowhunter, she butted her shoulder against Alec's as she passed him. Alec halted before she even turned around. When she did, he took a step back. The warlock turned and hurried down the alley. I waited, watching as Alec stood frozen on the sidewalk. He seemed to be too scared to even walk by the alley.

_Come on, Lightwood_ , I urged inwardly. _You know you want to kill me_.

As if my thoughts persuaded him, Alec turned down the alley. I crossed the street quickly and followed him, careful not to make a sound. The two of them had already disappeared around a corner. I heard Alec's voice before I could peer around the bend.

"Morgenstern!"

Alec already had his seraph blade out and the warlock trapped against a brick wall. Though his voice had remained steady, I could see the way the weapon shook in his trembling hand.

"I've been waiting to kill you," Alec snarled.

"That's a lie and we both know it, Alexander," the warlock said in my voice. "I think you've been a little too preoccupied with nightmares and trauma to think about me."

"Shut up," Alec hissed. "I'm stronger than you think."

The warlock seemed remarkably calm despite the fact that she was unarmed and being threatened. She was a very convincing clone of me.

"You sound like you're trying to convince yourself, Alexander," she said.

"I should hand you over to the Clave, but I'd really rather just stab you. Repeatedly."

The warlock tapped her chin. "What do you think I should have engraved on my tombstone? Jonathan C. Morgenstern or The Better And Sexier Sebastian Verlack?"

Alec pressed the tip of his seraph blade against the warlock's chest. "The real Sebastian Verlack would never have killed my little brother, you son of a bitch. _He_ wasn't a pathetic excuse of a Shadowhunter."

The warlock mimicked my natural response and drew herself up taller, her face tightening. "Can't say the same about yourself, can you, Alec?"

I crept forward from my hiding spot, my shoes not making a sound against the ground. The warlock was careful to keep her eyes trained on Alec so as not to reveal my presence, just like we'd talked about. Reaching behind me, I unsheathed my own seraph blade.

"Your life ends today," Alec growled, raising his weapon.

"Wait!" The warlock held up her hands. "Killing me would be like committing suicide!"

As suspected, Alec hesitated, confused. The warlock grinned and her skin began to ripple. Alec's weapon steadily lowered as he came face to face with an exact replica of himself.

"What the..."

I could hear Alec's heavy breathing as I approached him from behind, still unnoticed.

"Don't worry," the warlock said, now using Alec's voice. "I'll send Magnus your love."

A conversation I'd had with Jace about my father a long time ago came flooding back to me: " _You know what he gave me for my ninth birthday? A lesson. He taught me that there's a place on a man's back where, if you sink a blade in, you can pierce his heart and sever his spine, all at once_."

Alec recoiled from the warlock and took a step back, a step, still unbeknownst to him, closer towards me. With a smile, I raised my seraph blade and aimed the tip at the exact spot I'd been taught to strike. My fingers twitched, eagerly anticipating being coated in Alexander Lightwood's blood once again.


	21. Tick Tock

"Wait," the warlock said in Alec's quiet voice.

Alec and I both stilled. My blade hung in the air an inch from his back, poised and ready to taste his blood. The warlock shifted her eyes to look over the real Alec's shoulder, to look at me. Before he could turn, I jolted forward and coiled my arm around Alec's throat, squeezing tightly. I pushed the tip of my seraph blade against his back. He struggled against me, but when I tightened my grip on his neck and gave the blade a push, he stiffened instantly.

I nuzzled closer to his ear and whispered, "Nice to see you again, Alec."

I gave a low chuckle as he shuddered in my grip. The fear radiating from him was intoxicating. I watched the side of his face, relishing in the delectable way his already-pale skin had completely drained of color. He was shaking, helpless. At my mercy. But he still held his seraph blade.

I nudged him with my weapon again and moved my lips closer to his ear. "Drop it."

Despite his quavering, Alec kept a firm grip on his seraph blade. Normally defiance annoyed me, but this futile defiance from Alexander Lightwood _amused_ me. I laughed next to his ear, and he, to my delight, jumped.

"For all the screaming and begging I had to put up with last time, this little rebellion is refreshing, Alec."

The warlock stepped forward and grabbed Alec's wrist. Looking him in the eyes, she gave a sharp twist. He gasped and the blade fell out of his hand and into hers. She inspected the weapon with curiosity. With a smirk, she sidled closer to Alec and craned her face towards his, as if she were going to kiss him. Alec wrenched his face away, struggling against my hold. The warlock laughed. I did not know if the thought of two Alec Lightwood's kissing fascinated me or disgusted me. Most likely the latter. The warlock was busy running her hands down the front of Alec's body, thrilled by the way he flinched from her touch. She finally undid his weapons belt and clipped it around her own waist, sheathing the seraph blade. She eyed her would-be twin up and down before snapping her fingers. There was a burst of pink sparks and her clothes mirrored the color and fit of Alec's current outfit.

The warlock looked at me again. "Are you sure you want to kill him?"

"I've wanted him dead since the moment I put an end to his little brother," I hissed.

A splotch of color returned to Alec's cheeks. Was it anger? Hatred? I could almost hear his pulse pounding in his throat.

"There's much more fun to be had by keeping him alive."

"We had fun last time we were together, didn't we, Alec?"

Alec spat out a curse. I smirked and traced the seraph blade up and down his spine.

"Are you open to suggestions?" the warlock asked.

I scowled and rolled my eyes, losing my patience. "Why are you so damned intent on keeping him alive?"

"What is your true purpose for killing him?" she asked, in the rhetorical way one asks what color the sky is.

"He's an abomination and I don't like him." I gritted my teeth. "But mostly because it would devastate Jace and tear him to pieces."

The warlock grinned and cocked an eyebrow. "Wouldn't you rather scar Jace for life?" She noticed my intrigue and continued, "I have a few suggestions. You want to devastate Jace? You want to cause a riot? Keep Alec alive."

"I'll tell you what," I said, my voice threateningly calm. "You heal him in time to bring him back from the dead, I'll listen to your suggestions. Better work fast. Tick tock."

I thrust the blade forward. It severed Alec's spine and pierced his heart, as I knew it would. I looked over his shoulder and saw the tip of the blade protruding from his chest. Alec made a satisfying gurgle as he choked on blood and went limp in my arms. I yanked the blade out and let him crumple to the ground.

"Tick tock," I said again.

The warlock lowered herself to the ground, careful to avoid the spreading puddle of blood and began working on Alec. I stood watching with disinterest. I raised the blade and gazed at the sheen, dark liquid coating the surface. The metallic smell was too alluring; I brought the blade to my lips and swiped my tongue down the length. The warm saltiness exploded in my mouth and sent shivers down my spine. Death had never tasted so good. I licked the rest of the blade clean while the warlock worked on Alec's deceased body.

* * *

One minute I was walking down the street, the next there was a flash of blinding light, followed by a burst of darkness. The next thing I knew I was curled in a ball on the sidewalk, Clary's indistinct voice floating around me. I blinked open my eyes. My body was wracked in spasms against the pain, and it was all I could do not to vomit.

Finally my vision began to clear. Clary was crouched in front of me, her hair a fiery red curtain on either side of her face. A crowd of passersby had gathered around us. Someone was frantically mentioning an ambulance. I managed to use my shaky arms to get into a sitting position. Clary grabbed my shoulders, her green eyes measuring every inch of my face.

"What is it, Jace? What's wrong?"

Every nook and cranny of my body felt singed. Everything hurt. But there was no denying the unmistakeable burn right where my _parabatai_ rune was. That was the core, the source of the pain. My eyes were watering, but whether it was from fear or the white-hot agony, I did not know.

And then, as suddenly as it had started, it stopped. The pain vanished. So did the nausea. All that lingered was the blistering fear.

I said nothing to Clary. Instead I leapt to my feet and took off down the street. I bolted in and out of traffic, ignoring blaring horns and rude gestures. I weaved in and out of people, paying no heed to the profanities being shouted at me. I bolted towards Magnus's apartment, praying over and over, _Please be there, please be there_.

My finger pushed against the buzzer frantically. I heard Clary catch up behind me, breathing hard. Magnus, as if sensing our urgency, buzzed us up immediately. We raced up the stairs and I threw open Magnus's door. Clary bumped into me as I froze in the doorway. She whispered my name, and I could feel her peering over my shoulder.

Magnus stood by the sofa, his yellow cat eyes calculating. I stared incredulously at the figure slumped across the cushions. Alec smiled weakly at me. His hair was plastered to his head, and he was shirtless. A towel was pressed against his chest, but I could see the smears of blood painting his fair skin.

I charged into the room and dropped to Alec's side. My fingers brushed against his forehead, which was too warm. His eyes lacked the gleam that reminded me of sparkling ocean waters. He looked exhausted, frail. Gingerly I reached over and lifted the towel wadded against his chest. There was no gushing blood, thankfully. But there was an angry red closed wound on the skin directly above his heart.

"I'm fine," Alec said, his voice hoarse.

"Don't lie to me," I growled.

"It's nothing."

"Nothing?" I cried. "I thought you were dead, Alec!"

Alec sat up, wincing. "It was just a couple of mundanes. They jumped me. One of them pulled a knife."

I blinked. "Mundanes?"

Magnus stretched his leg out and gave me a light kick. "Can you please stop badgering my boyfriend?"

I swatted his leg away. "I'm his _parabatai_."

Magnus waved his hand and, with a burst of blue sparks, sent me skidding across the room. He gave a satisfied smirk and argued, "I'm his doctor and his boyfriend. My status trumps yours. Doctor's orders."

I got up and dusted myself off. "I think you're abusing your privileges."

Magnus examined his black-painted fingernails. "Make an appointment with someone who cares."

"Make an appointment with someone who cares," I mocked snidely.

The warlock pointed a warning finger at me. "Keep it up, Shadowhunter. I'd love to see what you look like bald."

Alec held his head in his hand. "Will you two please knock it off?"

"Sorry, love," Magnus said, pushing his fingers through Alec's hair.

I approached the sofa again and folded my arms across my chest. I kept my face stoic, though I couldn't mask the skepticism in my voice. "So some random guy just stabbed you for no reason?"

Alec looked up at me. "Isn't that what thugs do?"

"I'm having a hard time figuring out how a mundane got the jump on you."

Alec's hurt expression swiftly switched to one of anger. "Sorry my mind hasn't been in the right place, considering everything I've been through."

Guilt surged through me. "If you're not okay—"

"I am _fine_!" Alec snapped, then finished more gently. "I just wasn't thinking."

"It's all right, Alec," Magnus said comfortingly, before shooting a chastising glare in my direction.

"You just scared us is all," Clary said softly.

"I was scared, too," Alec whispered.

Magnus suddenly clapped his hands together. "All right. Anyone without black hair must vacate the premises immediately."

I scowled up at the warlock. "But I'm his—"

Magnus began herding Clary and I toward the door. " _Parabatai_ yadda yadda. Alec needs rest, and he isn't going to get it with you two clucking at him."

"Take care of him."

"Honey, don't tell me how to do my job," Magnus said, seconds before slamming the door in my face.

* * *

I idly curled Alec's hair around my fingers as we sat watching TV together. My arm was around his shoulders and he was curled into my side. He'd dozed off a couple times, but it did not take long for him to jerk awake. I wondered which terrors and nightmares were keeping him from sleeping soundly.

He slowly sat up and rubbed a hand over his face. My arm fell from his shoulders as I turned to watch him. He still looked completely drained and his movements were stiff and timid, likely from sore muscles.

"I think I'm ready for bed," he said quietly. Without looking at me, he asked, "Will you come, too?"

I smiled sadly. I was still growing accustomed to this Alec, the one who was plagued by trauma and fear. But I had to admit, his vulnerability did, at times, make him irresistibly adorable.

I reached forward and lifted his chin to meet my eyes. "Of course." I took his hand and pulled him up from the couch. I snapped my fingers as we turned down the hall, extinguishing only a select few lights and the TV.

Alec traded his jeans for a pair of sweatpants and climbed into bed. I closed the door and dimmed the overhead light before sliding in next to him. I curled onto my side and watched him. He was laying on his back, staring up at the ceiling with wide eyes.

His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed. "Magnus?"

"Hmm?"

"How long has it been since I've slept with the lights out?"

I blinked, caught off guard. It had been a long time. We'd tried on a few occasions, but it wasn't long before Alec woke up screaming. "A few weeks maybe."

"Can we try again? Tonight?"

"Are you sure?" I asked. "You don't have to rush into it, Alec."

"I just want a little...normality in my life."

"All right," I said reluctantly. "I'm right here. Just say the word and the lights come back on."

I noticed the way Alec stiffened seconds before I snapped my fingers and the light went out completely. It took a moment for my eyes to adjust before I could make out his form beside me. His breathing was fast and shallow in the darkness, but he said nothing. I slowly slid my hand across the mattress until I felt his fingers, which were fisted in the bed sheets. I gently pried them open and interlaced his fingers with mine. I could faintly see him raise his other hand to twist his fingers into his hair.

"Hey," I whispered. "I'm right here."

Alec rolled until he was curled up against me. I could feel his body shaking against mine. Carefully, I let go of his hand and enveloped him in my arms. He clutched on to the front of my shirt as I pressed my lips against his hair. Slowly he tilted his head back, his mouth a silent offering, a plea. I dipped my head and sealed my lips over his. He obliged as I coaxed him to open his mouth and I slipped my tongue inside. His hands timidly reached up to snake through my hair.

I rolled him over and positioned myself to keep most of my weight off him. My hand skimmed down his side and came to rest at his hip. I lifted his shirt just enough to let my palm touch his bare skin. Alec was still self-conscious about the scars that marred his body, even though I'd assured him they only made him more beautiful, more unique, more Alec.

I pulled my mouth away from his to kiss a feather-light trail across his jaw and down his neck. I wanted nothing more than to nip at his sensitive skin, but the demon blood Sebastian had injected him with after locking him in a coffin-like box had created hallucinations that rendered Alec petrified whenever I playfully bit him. I pulled the collar of his t-shirt down slightly to kiss his collar bone.

Alec gripped my neck and pulled me until he was kissing me again. My stomach fluttered. I closed my eyes and my hand moved from Alec's waist to his hand. It moved at its own accord as my fingers wrapped around Alec's wrist and began pulling his arm above his head. Alec shifted beneath me, but he did not break away from my lips. My other hand skimmed over his chest and down his stomach. At his waist, it slid over to grab Alec's other wrist.

Alec jerked beneath me and ripped his mouth away from mine. I immediately rolled off him and released his wrists, mentally cursing myself.

"I can't... The light..." Alec whispered between rasping breaths. "Magnus... Please..."

I had him in my arms before the light blazed to life. He was shaking so badly that if I hadn't known better I would have thought he was having a seizure. I stroked his hair and kissed his forehead, never loosening my arms around him.

"I'm sorry," Alec whispered against my chest.

"Shh." I hugged him tighter. "I've got you, Alec. I'm right here. I'll always be here."

* * *

I slowly peeled my eyes open. Or at least I thought I did. There was nothing but darkness. I could feel myself blinking. Had I gone blind?

When I tried to sit up I found I could not move my hands. I could feel them, could wiggle my fingers. But they were stuck behind my back. I tried to move my legs, but I could not move them as single units. They were also stuck together. My stomach flipped as I realized they were tied together. As I tried to call out for help, I realized I could not breathe or speak through my mouth. I felt something wide wrapped around my face. I was bound and gagged, but I had no idea where.

I lifted my legs and swung them up and down, left and right, feeling stupidly like a mermaid as I tried to figure out how much space I had. I realized with a jolt that I was in a space no bigger than a box...a very familiar box.

I blinked back tears as terror consumed me. Had Sebastian imprisoned me again? Was he just outside waiting to torture me? Memories came flooding back to me. I remembered being in an alley with him and a clone of myself. He'd wanted to kill me... He _had_ killed me.

Had I been brought back to life? Or had I died? Was I in hell?

I let the tears slip from the corners of my eyes and slide down my temples. Whether I was still alive or I was in hell, I was alone. Terrified. Helpless. And hopelessly alone.


	22. Deadline

I gave the glass another swirl and watched the magenta liquid slosh against the crystalline surface. With a sigh I put the glass to my lips, tilted my head back, and drained the contents. The liquid burned a path down my throat before altering to a sweet flavour in my mouth.

Outside, a siren wailed into the night. I listened to the echoing cries as they faded away. The bottle sat in front of me on the counter, beckoning to me. I stared at it, debating another glassful. I could not remember the last time I had been intoxicated, and this drink was a shortcut to a drunken stupor. Scowling, I pushed the bottle away from me and traced my finger around the rim of my empty glass. As I thought to myself, blue sparks began to rain from my fingertip. A glittering ring of frost began to form on the rim of the glass. It began spreading downward as I moved my finger in circles. My hand did not still even after the entire glass was opaque with frost.

There was a high-pitched ring followed immediately by a loud crack! I jumped and yanked my hand away. The glass was now spider webbed with fractures. I muttered a curse and rubbed a hand over my face.

_I don’t know if I can do this_...

“Magnus?”

I turned to find Alec standing in the hall. His hair was mussed from sleep, though his eyes betrayed his exhaustion.

“Alec.” I stood up. “Are you all right?”

“I woke up and you were gone.” Alec looked at the counter and noticed the bottle and nearly-shattered glass.

“I couldn’t sleep,” I said honestly. “Too much on my mind.”

Alec nodded and rubbed his arm. “Magnus, I’m sorry.”

I blinked at him. “Sorry for what?”

“I know my...condition...hasn’t been easy on you. I’ve been a burden to everyone, but mostly to you.”

“Alec.” I reached for him. “You’re not a burden. I’m not having a drink because of what happened tonight.”

“You don’t have to lie to me.”

I grabbed the Shadowhunter’s hand and pulled him closer to me. “I just hate that I can’t help you. It kills me to see you suffering.”

He squeezed my fingers. “I don’t need you to fix me. I just need you to love me.”

“You never have to ask for my love. You’ll always have it,” I said, bending down to press my lips against his.

* * *

I didn’t bother knocking at the door; instead, I just grabbed the doorknob and barged into the apartment. Magnus and Alec both looked up as I entered. The warlock was leaning against the kitchen counter, holding a steaming mug. Alec was seated, bent over a plate of breakfast.

“It’s a good thing I decided to put pants on, otherwise you would have walked in on a magnificent sight,” Magnus grumbled into his mug.

“Adventure doesn’t knock,” I said. “Adventure comes barging through the door.”

“Adventure isn’t the word I’d use.”

Alec pointed his fork at me. “What’s with the gear?”

“I’ve been tracking a pack of demons. Now that I know where they’re skulking, I could use some help gutting them.”

“Count me in.”

Magnus strummed his nails against his mug. “Where is this demon nest located?”

“Underground tunnels.”

Alec made a small noise. I turned to look at him and noticed that he’d turned three shades whiter. Magnus set his mug on the counter and glared at me. I was so used to having my _parabatai_ right behind me, guarding my back, as I charged into darkness and danger. Alec had always tried to discourage my reckless behavior, but it was rare for him to bail on me entirely.

“Alec, love, you didn’t get much sleep last night. Why don’t you hang back and catch up on your rest?” Magnus suggested.

“I’m f—“

Magnus held up his hand. “I’ll go with Jace. I could use a day away from pestering clients. Smiting some demons will do me good. How about you cook me lunch when I get back?”

If Clary had ever told me to hang back from a mission to play housewife, I’d have been offended. But I had to give Magnus credit for his tactic. He was excusing Alec without making him feel expendable, and he did so without drawing attention to Alec’s hindrance.

“It’s really not an issue,” Alec lied.

“I insist.” Magnus took Alec’s hand. “Please, baby. Do this for me.”

After a minute, Alec finally gave a reluctant nod. The tension that was visible in his shoulders lifted. I did not miss the grateful smile he cast at his boyfriend before Magnus turned to face me.

“Lead the way, angel boy.”

I inclined my head to my _parabatai_ as I backed up to the door. “I’ll talk to you later, Alec.”

I just had time to see Alec wave before Magnus all but pushed me out of the apartment. He closed the door and started down the stairs without a word.

“Angel boy? Really?” I grumbled as I followed him.

“I thought you’d appreciate that more than ‘princess,’” the warlock said without looking at me or breaking stride.

We walked mutely for several blocks before rounding a corner and coming to a stop behind a tall building. I crouched next to a large metal plate in the ground and curled my fingers under the lip to lift it.

“Of course it had to be a sewer,” Magnus said sarcastically, his expression sour. He sighed. “If only coveralls and rubber boots didn’t look hideous on me.”

“As opposed to your usual sequins, leather, and glitter?”

“Don’t make me drown you in sewage.”

I let the metal lid tip over and clang against the ground. In a smooth and graceful movement, I swung my legs into the hole and began to lower myself down. As I dropped from the ladder, I reached into my pocket and withdrew my witchlight. It flared to life and ignited the tunnel in white light. Magnus dropped down at my side and followed me as we walked single-file down the pathway to the left.

The dank stench filled my nostrils as we continued deeper into the sewer. Though I knew the nest was still far away, my eyes scanned the walls up and down, searching to strip any glamour that concealed a misshapen hole. My memories drifted back to a time when Magnus and I had run down similar dark tunnels in search of a barely-alive Alec.

“Magnus?” My voice bounded off the tunnel walls. “Can I ask you something?”

“No, those pants do not make you look fat.”

“It’s about Alec.”

There was a pause. “What about him?”

“Does he seem...different to you?”

“He hasn’t been the same since he was abducted by Sebastian and possessed by demon blood.”

“I mean since yesterday.”

“What are you insinuating, Jonathan?”

I flinched at the warlock’s harsh tone. “I just find it odd how Alec couldn’t defend himself against a mundane.”

“Maybe we should shred your sense of security to bits and throw you in a room full of potential murderers,” Magnus hissed. “He probably just froze. It only takes a second to become a victim.”

I halted and whirled to face the warlock. “I felt him die, Magnus.”

“Imagine your disappointment when you found him alive on my couch,” the warlock shot back.

“Look me in the eyes and tell me something doesn’t feel off.”

Magnus inched his face closer to mine and snarled, “There is nothing wrong with Alec. I would know better than anyone. Forgive him for being vulnerable for once in his life.”

He shoved past me on the walkway. I wind-milled my arms to regain my balance and stared after him. With a frustrated sigh, I followed at a respectful distance. The agitation hummed around him like an electrical current. Neither of us spoke until he found a shimmering crack in the far wall. He let out a string of foul curses as he trudged through the river of grime and fluids. I trailed him without complaint.

The crack widened as we peeled away the glamour. Before it was revealed completely, I unsheathed my seraph blade. Witchlight still in hand, I charged into the hole in front of Magnus.

A cluster of demons jumped to alert as we stormed in. All four of them released cries that replicated a lion’s roar and a snake’s hiss combined. Unfazed, I circled the four demons with my weapon raised. They resembled wild dogs, only with green-scaled skin, spiked spines and tails, and six blue eyes per head. As I circled round, one of the dogs took a threatening step toward me, ears pressed flat against its head. Its lips drew back into a snarl, revealing sharp teeth coated in black saliva.

“Come and get me, beautiful.”

The demon roared and leapt at me. I rolled out of its path and swung my blade. The dog twisted away from my weapon’s arc and rounded to face me again, crouched to the ground. It leaned as I feigned an attack to the left and I shifted to the right and swung as its exposed flank. My seraph blade struck the demon’s spikes and rebounded without causing any damage. I barely spun out of the way in time to avoid the dog’s snapping jaws.

A sudden burst of flames diverted my attention for a split second. The demon saw its opportunity and took it; it leapt at me and hit me squarely in the chest with its paws. I crashed to the ground under its weight. The seraph blade and witchlight tumbled from my hands as I struggled to keep the demon’s fangs from clamping around my face.

Squealing and inhuman yelps of pain bounced around the makeshift room, but they did not divert the demon’s attention. It continued to bite at me as it held me pinned against the floor. One hand clenched around its neck, I reached down and yanked a knife from my weapons belt. Before it could notice, I stabbed the blade into the roof of the demon’s mouth. The dog gave a jerk and I whipped my hand out of its mouth as its teeth sliced open my skin. Black ichor splotched my hand and burned in the open wounds. Without wasting a second, I wriggled out from beneath the demon and snatched up my seraph blade. As the dog stumbled around, unable to close its maws, I swung my weapon and sliced its head clean from its shoulders.

Panting, I looked down at my hand. The cuts were shallow and the demon’s saliva was not known to be venomous, but the wounds still stung like hell. I looked up in time to see a solid circle of fire extinguish into a pile of smoldering ash and embers. Amongst the fire’s remains were three charred skeletons. Magnus was staring at me from across the room, his expression bored. The last remnants of blue sparks glittered from his fingertips.

“Enjoy the walk home,” he said.

I was about to speak when the warlock stepped backward and was swallowed by a ring of blue light. His form glittered before disappearing completely, alongside the remains of the portal.

I bent to pick up my witchlight. “Asshole.”

* * *

I sat on top of the box, watching blood bubble from the pad of my index finger where I pushed the tip of the knife. The scarlet droplet snaked and coiled a path down my finger to nestle in the cradle of my palm.

My phone vibrated in my pocket all of a sudden. With an irritated roll of my eyes, I got off the box and walked into the other room, closing the heavy metal door behind me. In one smooth movement I pulled the phone from my pocket, pressed the ‘talk’ button, and pushed the device against my ear.

“This better be good.”

“Status report,” the warlock answered, using her own seductive, sing-song voice. “As per your request.”

“Why did you shift?” I demanded.

“Relax,” she purred. “The warlock and the Nephilim are out on a precious hunt. I’m alone.”

“I don’t care. Every moment you’re not Alec Lightwood, you risk blowing our cover. Shift back.”

“They won’t be back—”

My voice dripped with venom. “Shift. Back. _Now_.”

There was an audible sigh before Alec Lightwood’s voice filled my ear. “Happy now?”

“That depends. Do you have it?”

“No.”

“Do you know where it is?”

“No.”

I gritted my teeth and clenched the knife tighter. “Do you know what I do to associates who do not give me results?”

“Fire them?” she guessed blandly.

“I gut them.” My tone was frigid. “I skin them. I make their lives a living hell before I kill them.”

“Disciplinarian of the year.”

I wished the warlock was standing in front of me so I could drive the knife into her stomach. “I’m growing tired of this attitude of yours.”

The silent threat made Alec’s tone politer. “Look, I’m not trying to waste time. I can’t just casually bring it up out of nowhere. ‘Hey, Magnus. Can you bring me the Book of White, please?’ This needs to be perfectly timed, otherwise there’ll be suspicions.”

“Are there any current suspicions?”

“Jace wasn’t too keen on believing my mugger story, but he doesn’t seem openly guarded or distrustful. I’ll win him over.”

“And Magnus Bane?”

“My facade has gone right over his spiky head. I had to hold myself back from going all the way with him last night.”

My stomach clenched with revulsion. “I want the Book of White within the next couple days.”

“You’re putting a schedule on my fun?”

“I did not hire you to have sex with Magnus Bane.”

“You didn’t hire me to _not_ have sex with him.”

“Within two days,” I hissed before hanging up.

I walked back into the next room and glared at the black box. I placed the tip of the knife against the hard surface and dragged it as I sauntered around the perimeter. Faint, muffled noises could be heard from inside. Part of me regretted taping Alexander’s mouth shut; hearing him squirm around could not compare to the divine sound of ear-splitting screams of torment being ripped from his throat.

I stopped at the head of the box. If the lid had been translucent, I’d be looking down at Alexander’s face. Gripping the knife, I brought it up and slammed it down against the surface. The blade did not do much damage to the solid structure, but it left enough of a dent for the knife to remain upright on its own. I pictured the weapon protruding from Alec’s eye socket.

“Two days left, Alexander,” I said. “I hope you enjoy every last minute.”


	23. Acceptance and Denial

"Your parabatai is such a pain in the a—" I ducked with a cry as a knife sailed through the air and sunk into the wall precisely where my head had been milliseconds earlier.

Alec stood in the kitchen, horrified. I gawked at the weapon before mustering my composure and calmly pulling it from the wall. I could hear Alec breathing hard across the room, and I wondered if he could hear the pounding of my heart. After closing the door I crossed the floor to stand in front of him.

"Is this payback for something? Did I leave the toilet seat up? Did I forget to bring home a carton of milk?" I asked with a timid smile.

Suddenly I was in Alec's embrace, his arms wrapped around my neck and pulling me down against him. I could feel him shaking against me. With a sigh, I enfolded him in my arms and buried my nose against his neck, placing soft kisses against his skin.

"I'm sorry," Alec whispered. "You startled me and the knife was in my hand..."

"I'm sure other couples throw knives at each other all the time."

Alec put his hands on my shoulders and gently pushed me back so he could see my face. "You're upset with me."

I lifted the knife that was still in my hand and tilted it left and right, watching the light glint off the gleaming blade. Alec rubbed his arm and looked away, ashamed. I placed the weapon on the counter and slid it out of reach for good measure.

"I don't recall you ever pointing a weapon at me, let alone throwing one," I said.

"I'm sorry!" Alec raked his fingers through his unkempt hair. "Like I said, you startled me. It was just a reflex."

I narrowed my eyes. "Alec. Look at me."

It took a moment before the Shadowhunter finally lifted his blue eyes to meet mine. He only held contact for a few seconds before his gaze fell away again. I knew my silence was making him uncomfortable, but I continued to silently observe him. His fingers twitched now and then, and his knee was bobbing nervously. His shoulders were hunched forward slightly like he was expecting someone to sneak up from behind and attack.

"It's getting worse, isn't it?"

"What is?" Alec asked without looking at me.

"The fear. The trauma. The nightmares. Everything is getting worse."

Alec stepped away from me. Something flashed in his eyes too quickly for me to decipher. Betrayal? "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"That's enough, Alec. You can't hide it from me. If you keep hiding everything from me, the trauma will get to be too much and it'll kill you."

"Stop talking to me like I'm a traumatized mental patient!" Alec's voice rose. "I'm dealing with my situation the best I can."

"You threw a knife at me."

"It was an accident! I told you I was sorry."

"Alec, sooner or later you're going to hurt yourself or someone else. I'm asking you...I'm _begging_ you, please let me help you."

The Shadowhunter lifted his arm as if to ward off a blow he expected from me. "Help me?"

"I can block some of the memories," I said quietly, reaching for him.

Alec shoved my hand away. "You don't think I'm strong enough."

"It's nothing like that."

"So what, then? You're just tired of dealing with me? Am I too much for you to handle, Magnus? Am I too broken, too damaged, for your tastes? Let me guess what's next: You're going to give me an ultimatum. Either I let you wipe my memories or you walk."

I reached for him again. "Alec, I would never do that to you."

Alec recoiled. "Don't touch me. You're supposed to help me get through this, Magnus, not change me."

I stretched my arm out to grab Alec's hand, to assure him that I loved him the way he was. But before my fingertips could touch his skin, he snatched my wrist and yanked. Caught off guard, I flew across the kitchen and slammed against a far wall. My head cracked against the wall and blurred my vision, but I managed to remain on my feet. I blinked through the haziness and gaped at Alec, who was staring at me the way an attacking Shadowhunter stares at a demon: determined, emotionless.

Suddenly Alec's body was pushing me against the wall and his lips were sealed over mine. His mouth moved desperately and hungrily. I stood still at first, overwhelmed by desire, confusion, and anger. But I soon surrendered myself to him and moved my lips to match his vigour.

Alec sighed as I kissed his neck and under his jaw. "I need you, Magnus," he whispered. "Please don't leave me."

I held his face between my hands. "I won't ever leave you."

His fingers twined through my hair as our mouths molded together. He moaned against my lips as my tongue brushed against his. As I kissed him I felt his hands slide down my neck, over my shoulders, and down from my chest to my abdomen. I shivered under his touch. I tried to switch positions, but Alec pushed my body firmly to the wall before I could move him. My belly fluttered with anticipation. Without breaking the kiss, Alec's hands slithered down to my belt buckle. It clinked as he unfastened it. I could feel one of his hands on my zipper while the other popped open the button of my jeans.

I broke away and caught Alec's wrist in my hand before he could go any farther. "Alec, wait."

Alec's eyes glowed as he pulled away to catch his breath. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No, no. You did everything right," I all but groaned.

He moved for my zipper again. "Then why are we stopping?"

"Alec." The sharpness of my tone stopped him. I continued more gently, "I just can't do this right now."

Hurt and understanding swam in Alec's sea blue eyes. "You don't want me."

"Believe me when I say I want you very badly, Alexander. I just don't feel comfortable using sex to solve an argument."

"I'm sorry I yelled at you. And I'm sorry for throwing you into a wall."

"Apology accepted." I ruffled Alec's hair. "But I'm still not having sex with you."

Alec offered a half-smile. "Can't blame a guy for trying."

"Come with me."

I twined Alec's fingers through mine and pulled him into the living room. A buzz of electricity crackled through me as I concentrated. A familiar warmth spread through the palms of my hands. Releasing Alec's hand, I pushed my palms outward on either side of me. Blue sparks flashed as the furniture slid against the walls. I snapped my fingers and turned on the stereo while subtly letting magic button my jeans and refasten my belt.

Alec watched me with a quirked eyebrow as I turned to face him. A slow tune hummed around us. His cheeks brightened with splashes of color as I moved his arms up to my shoulders and then placed my hands on his hips. We swayed in perfect rhythm with the song. I pulled him tighter against me, more intimately than seductively. I smiled at Alec's embarrassed expression, and when he buried his face against my shoulder I pressed my lips against his hair. He turned to place his cheek against my chest. I, in turn, rested my cheek on top of his head. We danced for the entire length of the song, neither of us speaking. When it ended I turned the volume to a near whisper and pulled Alec down onto the sofa. He sat cross-legged, twiddling his fingers with my arm draped over his shoulders.

"Do you really think it would be better for me to block my memories again?" he asked suddenly.

"How about we avoid the topic where an argument and rigorous nude activities ensue?"

"I can't catch a break, can I?" Alec smiled at me.

"You know," I purred, "maybe there's another way get rid of those memories."

"I thought we were avoiding the subject."

"You know, for someone who's upset about not getting any tonight, you sound awfully opposed to me stirring up the fire in your loins."

Alec's lip twitched. "Are you trying to talk dirty to me?"

"I'm giving you oral."

"No you're not!"

"I'm talking to you, aren't I? Oral. Moving on." I flicked my wrist. "Now, I know you don't like me pinning your wrists down. I have a possible solution."

"And that is...?"

I winked at him. "How do you feel about fuzzy pink handcuffs?"

Alec threw his head back and laughed, genuinely. I hadn't seen the broad smile he was wearing for such a long time; seeing it now summoned an ache deep within my heart. An ache filled with longing. Seeing Alec so happy was such a rarity.

"I don't think pink is really my color," Alec chuckled.

"We could just get standard silver ones."

"Let me get this straight. You're saying we should try to replace my nightmares with kinky fantasies?"

"Wouldn't that just piss Sebastian right off?"

Something flashed in Alec's eyes again, but, like before, it was too fast for me to interpret. His smile twisted into a grin that was almost malicious.

"Yes," he said, his voice low. "Yes it would."

* * *

I watched Alec through the corner of my eye as he crept up the staircase to the balcony. He had his seraph blade out, and, though it was steady in his hand, his movements were fidgety. He did not appear to be nervous in the dark and unfamiliar surroundings, but his eyes jerked left and right, and he looked over his shoulder far too often.

Magnus was on the floor below, searching locked rooms in the back. He hadn't said two words to me since he agreed to come with us to track down more demons. I figured he was still pissed at me from our previous conversation in the tunnels. Most likely he was waiting for me to grovel at his feet with an apology, but at the moment I was not willing to admit that he was right. I trusted my own heart more than the warlock's word.

"So, Alec," I said, my voice hushed as we rounded a corner. "How are you feeling?"

Alec peered behind a leather sofa before turning to face me. "What do you mean?"

"Your stab wound. Has it healed well?"

"That doesn't really matter, does it, Jace?"

His answer caught me off guard. "Of course it matters. Why wouldn't it?"

"It doesn't matter how I'm feeling because you don't believe me about what happened." Alec's eyes were dark in the shadows cast by my witchlight.

"I never said—"

"You didn't have to," Alec interrupted. "I can read you, Jace. I don't care if you don't believe me, but don't pretend that you give a shit."

"I care about you, Alec."

"I know you do. But just now when you asked how I'm feeling? It felt like you were insulting me. So how about we just forget it ever happened and move on?"

I snapped my mouth shut. Thoughts and words were swarming in my head, but I knew anything I had to say would only make the situation worse and Alec would only get more defensive.

Alec moved away from the sofa, his head cocked to the side. I retraced his steps to stand in front of the small table at the sofa's foot. Magazines were sprawled across its surface. I bent down the touch the glossy covers and noticed dark splatters on the brighter-colored magazines. Timidly I touched my fingertip to the spatter. The liquid was thick, warm, and sticky. I wiped my hand on my gear.

"Do you hear that?" Alec whispered.

I held my breath, listening hard. At first there was only silence, but then I caught faint slithering noises. I turned in a complete three-sixty, eyes searching for an unseen foe. Alec and I looked at each other. He shook his head and gave a shrug.

Something dark suddenly dropped from above and landed on Alec's shoulders. Alec let out a shout of surprise and dropped his seraph blade. His hands reached up to pull the creature off of him.

The lights in the club abruptly blazed to life. I shielded my eyes against the blare before starting toward Alec. More slithering stopped me in my tracks. At the same moment I looked up, another creature fell from the roof and landed squarely on my shoulders. I dropped my witchlight as tentacles wrapped around my neck. Before it could cut off my air supply, I stabbed at the creature with my seraph blade. The demon squealed and loosened its grip. I bent forward and, seizing the demon with both hands, ripped it from my shoulders. It slammed against the floor with a screech. My seraph blade sliced through its head before it could get up. The demon burst into a reeking pile of ash.

I straightened and turned in time to see Alec rushing at me. His face was twisted into a snarl and his seraph blade was poised to kill. I raised my own weapon to parry his attack...

Alec's arm slammed into bicep, knocking me aside. His body flew past me. I regained my balance and whirled in time to see his seraph blade impaling another demon. The two of them crashed into the sofa and tumbled to the floor as it tipped over. I watched in a stunned stupor before racing around to help.

Another demon dropped on my back. I cried out as pain exploded in my shoulder. The demon sunk its fangs into my skin and snaked its tentacles around my throat. I tried to pry the tentacles away, but the demon tightened its grip and began pulling. The maneuver threw me off balance and my feet moved backward to compensate. The seraph blade fell from my hand as I began to wheeze. I clawed at the tentacles to loosen them, but they were suctioned against my skin. The demon gave another yank and I automatically backed up again.

The small of my back suddenly hit something hard. The force of my overcompensation sent me teetering over the railing of the balcony. I tried to rebalance myself but the weight of the demon pulled me over. My feet flipped over my head and I reverse-somersaulted over the railing. The demon, in its panic, slackened its grip. As I flipped through the air I instinctively reached out with my hand and caught the ledge of the balcony. My body gave a jolt and the demon slipped from my shoulders. It screeched as it tumbled down and crashed against the floor below with a splat. I reached up to grab the balcony with my other hand, but the pain in my shoulder was too sharp to hang on. I dangled there, calculating the height of the fall. If I was lucky, I'd survive the fall with only broken legs.

"Alec!"

I could not hear my _parabatai_ or any remaining demons. I fought back a surge of panic as I pictured Alec laying on the ground, asphyxiated. Then a more alarming thought occurred to me: Alec sitting nearby, waiting for me to fall, waiting for an "accident" to injure me or claim my life. I looked below, searching for Magnus. The movement caused my fingers to slip.

"Mag—"

Two hands slapped around my wrist just before I fell. I looked up and expelled a relieved breath. Alec grunted as he struggled to pull me up. He lifted me high enough to grab the posts of the railing and, while he supported me, I managed to swing my legs up onto the ledge. Finally back on my feet, I swung myself onto the other side of the railing and sank back down to the floor, breathing hard. Alec slumped down beside me and wiped his face in the nook of his elbow.

"Thank you," I said.

Alec looked at me. "Don't ever do that again."

I laughed just as Magnus came bounding up to us. He visually inspected Alec thoroughly before glancing at me.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

Alec gave his boyfriend a thumbs up, despite the bleeding puncture wounds in his neck.

I held Magnus's gaze and clapped Alec on the back. "I am. Thanks to him." I hoped the warlock caught my subtext: _You were right_.

Magnus folded his arms and flashed a crooked, cocky grin in a look that clearly said: _Told you so_.

* * *

The darkness was always waiting for me, whether I was asleep or awake. It was a haunting, tormenting darkness, but I welcomed it when it blanketed me in sleep. At least when I wasn't awake, I couldn't feel the pain in my muscles or the nausea in my stomach. My fingers were numb from the lack of circulation and every limb felt weak and atrophied. My mind was foggy, and often there was a pounding behind my eyes that matched the cramping in my stomach. I knew I was dehydrated and entering the first stages of starvation, but my main concern was how much oxygen I had left in the box. Unless there was some sort of filtration system, I knew that eventually I would suffocate. Only being able to breathe through my nose limited my oxygen intake, but I'd already suffered one panic attack. If I lost control again, I'd be that much closer to death.

I could hear voices inside the box. Part of me chalked it up to be hallucinations from dehydration, while another part considered the possibility of resurfacing memories floating around inside my head. I didn't care either way. Jace's laughter and his babbling on about girls was comforting. Magnus's voice was consoling, but every time I heard him it felt like a hole was being ripped through my heart. I wanted nothing more than to see him, but I did not even know if he was still alive.

I closed my eyes and prayed as I'd done so many times before. At first I'd prayed to be rescued, to be brought home and reunited with those whom I loved. But in the darkness I'd come to accept the inevitable possibility that I was going to die. The thought of death changed my prayers. All I prayed for now was to be in someone's arms when my time finally ran out and the shadows smothered the flickering light of my life.


	24. Your Blood on My Hands

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, folks! I am also sorry to announce that this is the second last chapter of this story. One more and we're all done! I'd just like to point out that on fanfiction.net, I didn't tell my readers that I was writing another chapter, so they thought the end of this story was the end. It was pretty mean of me. But I couldn't resist. One more thing to apologize for: this chapter is 16 pages on Word. It is SUPER lengthy. You better get comfy. :) Thanks for reading!

I pushed a button on my phone and the screen flared to life, alerting me of the time. I bit back an impatient groan. Jonathan Morgenstern's deadline was drawing steadily nearer. There was so little time left that I doubted I'd be able to fulfill my fantasy of taking Magnus Bane for a test drive in the sheets. Whether I succeeded in completing my task or not, Magnus's boyfriend would soon be dead. I wondered if the warlock would accept my form of comfort. Rumor had it he'd been with a female vampire for a time; surely he'd be open to a night with a warlock of the opposite sex.

"Are you all right?" Magnus interrupted my wicked thoughts.

I turned to look at him. "Huh?"

"You seem distracted." His hand slinked up the back of my neck and into my hair. "Is something bothering you?"

I glanced back at the TV and watched the commercials for a short time, trying to ignore the excitement firing in every nerve from Magnus's touch. Summoning up convincing, feigned exhaustion, I let out a sigh. "I've been thinking."

"Mmm. Me too." He clucked his tongue at the TV. "That man's outfit is atrocious. Those pants do not go with that top."

I pulled Magnus's hand out of my hair and interlaced my fingers with his, squeezing tightly. "I'm being serious. There's something I can't stop thinking about."

Concern etched in his face, Magnus switched off the TV with a snap of his fingers. He angled his body toward mine, giving me his utmost attention. My eyes traced over the curve of his jawbone and up to his yellow cat-like pupils. The sight of him was delicious. I let out a shuddering breath, which Magnus mistook for nervousness.

"What's wrong, Alexander?"

I squeezed his hand again for added effect. "You've always been so good to me, Magnus..."

Alarm blazed in the warlock's eyes. "You're not breaking up with me, are you?"

"By the angel, no." I scooted closer to him on the sofa. "It's just...you've always been so great to me, Magnus. I don't deserve you."

"Alec—"

"After I even considered taking away your immortality, I haven't deserved your kindness, your love. I can't stop thinking about it, Magnus. That spell will always be a reminder of my greatest mistake, my greatest betrayal."

"I've forgiven you for that, Alec. I won't dwell on it, and neither should you."

I held his gaze and measured my next words very carefully. "I want to destroy it, Magnus."

The warlock's head cocked to the side. "Destroy what?"

"The spell. I want to eliminate it from the Book of White. It's a memory I want to erase, and I never want that spell used on anyone else like you."

"Alec, the Book of White is a sacred manuscript. You can't just destroy that information."

" _Please_ , Magnus." I forced tears to pool in the bottoms of my eyes. "I need it gone."

I could see Magnus's reluctance, and I had to fight back a victorious smile when he let out a defeated sigh. He squeezed my fingers before letting go and rising from the sofa. Swirls of bluish-gray light began swirling behind him as the warlock uttered an incantation.

"Wait here," he said, and he stepped back into the portal.

The apartment went eerily silent. I remained on the sofa as I ransacked my brain for different escape options once the Book of White was in my hands. Once the powerful weapon was in Jonathan Morgenstern's possession, he'd seek to destroy all Nephilim forces allied against him. Alexander Lightwood would be dead within the next few hours, and Jace Wayland and Magnus Bane would be next on the list to die first. I wondered if Jonathan would let me have some fun with Magnus before he was executed.

It took all my self-control not to pace the apartment as I waited for Magnus to return. Ten minutes had elapsed. I had no idea how far he had to travel or what he had to do to retrieve it, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

Not half a minute later, there was a gust of wind and Magnus manifested in the living room. A book was tucked under his arm, and as he approached he pulled it out and extended it to me. I rose from the sofa, my hands trembling at my sides with excitement. My blood pounded in my ears as I stared down at the volume.

"I'm not keen on doing this, Alexander," Magnus said. "But if I can ease your pain by erasing this one memory, I'll do it."

My voice was a breathless whisper as I reached for the book. "Thank you."

The book was heavy in my hands as I gently pulled it from Magnus's grasp. All I could do was stare down at the cover, my mouth agape. I could hear my opportunity knocking at the door...

I looked up. Someone _was_ knocking on the door.

"I'll get it," Magnus said. "Wait here."

He strode past me, heading for the door. This was it. I could open a portal and escape before he could turn around. Exhilaration and pleasure, the same that Jonathan felt whenever he killed, swelled within me. Before I could whisper a spell for a portal, my fingers curled under the lip of the cover and flipped it over. I had to see what was inside. Just a glimpse at the first page...

My eyes skimmed over three words scrawled in large, dark-inked calligraphy:

_Kiss my ass_.

* * *

I held my arm out to stop Jace from stepping into the living room. He gave me the same questionable look he'd given me when I'd opened the front door with a finger pressed to my lips, indicating for him to keep silent. He looked at me now, curiosity and confusion in his golden eyes.

I stepped past Jace and stood at Alec's back. "Alec? Is everything all right?"

Alec turned to face me, his shoulders taut and the book open in his palms. His eyes flitted from Jace and back to me before he offered a small smile. "Is this a fake? It's impressive."

"Thank you," I said warmly, then I flicked my wrist and sent him flying across the room and into a wall.

Jace cried out as Alec rebounded off the wall and crashed to the floor. "Magnus! What the hell are you doing?"

"Stay back, Jace," I commanded, grabbing his arm before he could run past. "I don't know what we're dealing with yet."

Alec slowly picked himself up off the floor. When he looked up, there was pain and heartbreak on his face. "Magnus, what are you doing?"

I pushed my palm out and he ricocheted off the wall again, but this time he remained on the floor. He let out a groan that sounded pathetic to my ears. He lifted his face and looked at Jace, his eyes pleading.

"Jace, please. Don't let him hurt me."

"Magnus?" Jace's eyes were trained on his _parabatai_ , but his voice was hesitant.

"That's not Alec," I said firmly.

"What?"

"Jace, it's me," Alec whimpered. "Please. Help me."

"Don't listen to him, Jace," I hissed.

Jace groaned with frustration. "What the hell is going on?"

"That... _thing_...is working for Sebastian."

The second the words left my mouth, Alec threw out his palm and sent a ball of pink flames sailing toward Jace. I flung out my arm and the fireball smashed against the shield I'd summoned in front of the Shadowhunter. It bounced off the invisible wall and dissipated. Snarling, Alec rose to one knee and cast a series of pink curses in my direction. I warded off the spells with ease and cast a hex of my own back at him. He caught the blue flames against his chest and pushed his palms together, smothering the fire.

Jace unsheathed his seraph blade and stood at my side, bouncing on the balls of his feet. I knew he wanted nothing more than to charge the imposter, but he thankfully remained in range where I could protect him.

Alec fired another spell at Jace and I reached out to push him out of the way. As I moved, he cast another one directly at me. The pink sparks smacked into my upper arm like a punch. I gasped as cherry-colored tendrils began snaking down my arm, weakening the muscles and weighing me down like my arm was encased in concrete.

Before he could move again, I threw my left palm out and there was a bright blue flash. Alec was flung back against the wall. Shimmering blue strands of fire wove around his neck, wrists, waist, and ankles, binding him in place. He struggled against the bonds, but the spell was an exceptionally powerful one. I could see the effects rapidly draining his strength.

With him pinned against the wall, I muttered a healing reversal incantation and felt my arm return to normal. Panting, I made a point of fixing my hair and readjusting my clothes. Alec glared at me with exhausted eyes and made another attempt at wriggling out of my trap.

"Who are you?" Jace demanded.

"I'm Alexander Lightwood," Alec said.

"No you're not."

Alec smiled. "I'm the new and improved Alexander Lightwood."

Jace stepped forward threateningly, seraph blade still in hand. "I'm willing to make a few improvements."

"Jace," I said, stopping the Shadowhunter in his tracks. I faced the other warlock and waved my hand. "Let's see what's hiding under your pretty shell."

Faint icy-blue sparks shimmered around Alec and his skin began to melt away. His physique became smaller and his hair lengthened. A hot pink streak stood out in the ebony strands. I caught a flicker of movement behind the warlock and snapped my fingers. The intruder gasped as blue flame coiled around her tail and snared it against the wall.

"Magnus," the warlock purred. "If you wanted to tie me up, you should have just asked."

I smiled politely. "Shut up, bitch."

"Who are you?" Jace asked again.

The warlock grinned. "You might say I'm Alec's feminine side."

"Where are you keeping Alec?"

The warlock ignored him and looked at me. "So when did you figure out my little charade, Magnus?"

I met her eyes steadily. "I knew from the moment you stepped into my apartment with that chest wound."

Jace whirled to face me, his eyes equally incredulous and pissed. "You _knew_? You told me there was nothing wrong with him!"

"I had my suspicions, so I conducted my own tests."

"You lied to me," Jace snapped.

I sighed. "I had to. I couldn't give her any indications that I was on to her little ruse."

"You were very convincing," the warlock said huskily.

Jace ignored her. "You had no right to keep this from me."

"Jace, if I told you, you would have barged over here weapons blazing. You wouldn't have been able to pretend that this was the real Alec. You would have blown our cover, and we need her to find Alec."

While Jace fumed in silence, the warlock asked, "What gave me away, Magnus? Too aggressive in seducing you?"

"Well, first of all, your cover story for why Jace felt you die made me suspicious." I closed my eyes. "But it was the little things that assured me you weren't Alec."

The warlock cocked an eyebrow. "The little things?"

I raised four fingers and ticked them off as I spoke. "Your smell is wrong. Alec smells like faint sandalwood and warmth. I could detect a hint of lavender in your scent, nothing at all like Alexander's.

"Remember when I had you dance with me? Alec has two left feet when it comes to dancing. He's hopeless at leading and he can barely follow. You, on the other hand, have exceptionally strong dancing skills.

"The conversation we had next? The one about handcuffs? You laughed at something I said. You threw your head back and laughed. Alec's laugh has always been shy and quiet. He smiles and looks down at the floor, but his shoulders shake enough that you can tell he's laughing.

"Finally, you were too afraid. There's a difference between being vulnerable and being weak. Alec is vulnerable. You were weak. Alec is strong...and proud...enough that he would never let me see him that afraid of anything. I'm afraid your fear was far too exaggerated."

The warlock considered my words before she said sarcastically, "Magnus, the amount of small things you notice about your boyfriend is truly heartwarming. It makes me all tingly inside."

"That's enough," Jace snapped. "Tell us where Alec is."

The warlock sighed and rolled her eyes. "You remember those tunnels you first found Alec in? He's there."

I narrowed my eyes. "Why would Sebastian put Alec there?"

"Would it have occurred to you to look in the same spot twice?" the warlock pointed out. "You know Jonathan Morgenstern is smarter than that. He relied on you expecting him to be somewhere else. Plus, it's all in the presentation. That place has some pretty great memories for you all."

"You're lying," Jace spat.

"Why would I lie?"

"Why would you tell us where Alec is just like that?"

The warlock let out a long breath. "Because those are my orders. If I failed to bring Jonathan the Book of White, my next job would be to send you to him. It's your choice whether you believe me or not, but Jonathan will be expecting you. And Alexander does not have much time left."

* * *

Magnus transported us to the exact same spot we'd landed on our first rescue mission. The second our feet hit solid ground, I released the warlock's arm and stepped away from him. Back at the apartment, he hadn't given our imposter a swift execution. After her last remark, Magnus had snatched my seraph blade from me and stabbed her through the heart. Next he decapitated her and then burned her remains. The distance and coldness in Magnus's eyes had been alarming, though I understood his rage.

A familiar figure was blocking the archway that led to the tunnels. It was the blonde Shadowhunter with an ear full of silver hoops. He was clad in gear and a weapons belt was fastened around his waist. He unsheathed a knife and stalked toward us, a snide expression on his face.

"It's about time you got here," he said.

Magnus moved before I could. He was face-to-face with the Shadowhunter in three long strides. The Shadowhunter lifted his weapon, but Magnus grabbed his wrist and gave a sharp twist. I heard the snapping of bone, followed by the Shadowhunter's sharp cry and the clang of his dropped weapon against the ground. Lightning-fast, Magnus flung himself behind the Shadowhunter and reached around to grab his chin. I flinched as Magnus snapped the Shadowhunter's neck and watched, his face stoic, as the body slumped to the ground.

I raced after him as he hurried into the tunnels without me. I dared not question him about his actions, which, quite frankly, had scared the hell out of me. Sebastian was in for a real treat once Magnus got a hold of him.

We sprinted for what felt like hours. Doors had been added to the rooms in the tunnels, all of which were locked. There were several forked paths that we came across, but Magnus did not hesitate in choosing left or right. I followed him, knowing without a doubt he'd lead us to Alec.

Finally, the tunnel opened up into a large stone cavern. To the left there was a large metal door, and in the center of the room was a makeshift throne made out of rock. It was crudely carved, but I was more concerned with who was seated _in_ it.

Sebastian's eyes were closed and he was slouched to the side, his cheek resting in his hand. "You kept me waiting," he said. He opened his eyes and there was a brief flash of surprise on his face when he saw us standing there, but he quickly traded that for a smug expression. "Forgive me when I say I was hoping you were someone else."

"Your warlock won't be making an appearance any time soon," Magnus said coldly.

Sebastian shook his head. "Pity. She was a bright young woman with many innovative ideas. She would have served me well."

"What have you done with Alec?" I shouted.

Sebastian rose from his throne and pointed at the metal door. "He's right in there. Waiting for you."

Magnus started toward him. "I'm going to rip your throat out."

"I think not."

Magnus halted in his tracks. I unsheathed my seraph blade and moved to stand beside him. We glared at Sebastian as he grinned savagely at us and clasped his hands behind his back.

"There are two of us and only one of you," Magnus spit out.

"True," Sebastian said. "But I've had help from many friends. Friends with vast and extensive knowledge and skill sets."

"None of which are here to stop me from ripping out your throat."

Sebastian chuckled. "Magnus Bane, I think you'll be too preoccupied to lay a finger on me." He swung his arms around and held up something small in his hand. It looked to be a remote of some sort, like the ones in cartoons with only one button. "Beyond that door is Alec, trapped inside a container very similar to the one he stayed in during his last visit. That door, however, has been sealed shut by wards only a very powerful warlock can get through. I have no doubt that you'll be able to get through it, Magnus, but it will take you quite some time."

"Is that supposed to intimidate me?"

"Yes, once you know that when I push the button in my hand, Alec's container will quickly fill with water. The only ways you can save him are if you get the door open before he drowns, or if you can push the button again to stop the flow of water. Magnus, you'd better get started on that door." Sebastian looked at Magnus pointedly before pushing the button on the remote.

A low hum could be heard in the ground below us. Images flooded my head of Alec trying to escape the tank as it filled with water.

I gave Magnus a push and started for Sebastian. "Get the door! Leave him to me."

Sebastian laughed tauntingly as I stalked toward him. He unsheathed his own seraph blade while he clenched the remote firmly in his other hand. I picked up my speed and raced at him. Before I could meet him, I dropped to the floor and slid, swiping out with my blade. Sebastian anticipated my attack and leapt into the air, leaving my blade to slice through thin air. He brought his weapon down and I narrowly avoided it by rolling out of the way. My leg shot out with precision and my boot connected with Sebastian's hand. He hissed and the remote flew out of his grasp.

I immediately jumped to my feet and charged for the remote, but Sebastian tackled me from behind and we crashed to the floor in a flurry of swinging fists and weapons. He managed to pin my wrists to the floor, but I head-butted him when he leaned too far forward. Sebastian cursed and released my wrists. I wriggled out from under him and crawled for the remote. My fingers just brushed it when Sebastian grabbed my ankle and yanked me back. He stabbed his blade at me, and, again, I rolled out of the way. My maneuver twisted his wrist, forcing him to release my ankle. I drew my leg back and kicked out. My foot hit his abdomen and sent him wheeling backward.

I turned again and dove for the remote. A relieved breath escaped me when I scooped it up in my hand and jammed my thumb against the button. As I turned to call out to Magnus, a fist knotted in my hair and yanked my head back. I cried out and felt cold metal pressing against my throat. Latching onto Sebastian's wrist, I rolled backward. His seraph blade fell away as he was caught off balance. I tucked my legs to my chest as he fell on top of me, and as I rolled backward I pushed my feet against his stomach and kicked him up and over me. He landed with a grunt on his back.

Magnus's back was to me when I risked a quick glance. Blue sparks and flames were exploding from the door. The warlock was pulling on it frantically but it refused to open.

Sebastian was back on his feet before I got to him. His dark eyes flicked to the remote in my hand and he lunged for it. I sidestepped him to avoid his outstretched arm. Sebastian swung his blade and I lifted mine to parry the blow. Our weapons clanged as they met overhead. My arm shook as Sebastian pushed down on the blade and began to overpower me.

Just as I thought to punch Sebastian with my other hand, his foot hooked around my ankle and swiped out. I crumbled to the ground with Sebastian on top of me. Desperate, I threw the remote from my hand. Sebastian growled and tried to get up to retrieve it, but I grasped the front of his shirt and managed to strike him with the hilt of my seraph blade.

Rage exploded in his dark eyes. Sebastian punched me in the side of my head. I blinked against the swirl of colors and dizziness. He pressed the tip of his seraph blade against my chest.

"I am going to desecrate Alec's carcass when I pull it out of that box," Sebastian whispered venomously. "I'm going to shred him limb from limb. I'm going to cut up his face. I'm going to feed the bones of his extremities to dogs, and I'm going to hang his body from my wall so I can relieve his death every day, so I can hear his screams, so I can hear him begging for death."

Dropping my seraph blade, I yelled and swatted Sebastian's weapon away from my chest. I rolled and pinned him under me, trapping his arms with my knees. I punched him over and over, using both my left and right hands. His head whipped from side to side from the impact. I did not stop even after his lip had split and blood dripped from his nose and his eye started to swell.

Suddenly Sebastian started to laugh. It was a deep, throaty chuckle that sent chills down my spine. I stopped hitting him, my fist poised midair. He looked up at me and laughed some more, louder this time. His teeth were stained red with blood.

"You killed him," Sebastian said, still smiling.

I looked over at Magnus, who had stopped to listen. The warlock's eyes were wild, and there were still sparks bouncing off the metal door. I glared down at Sebastian and hit him again. He grunted before letting out another laugh.

"I saved him," I snarled.

"No you didn't." Blood dripped from Sebastian's teeth. "Pushing the button once fills the pumps with water. Pushing it twice activates them. Pushing it twice fills the container."

My heart stopped in my chest. I took a shuddering breath. It couldn't be true. Just as I was about to call Sebastian a liar, pain exploded in my ribcage. Pain so powerful and overwhelming it knocked me off Sebastian and onto my back. Every nerve was on fire. It felt as though knives were stabbing every inch of my body at the same time hooks were ripping my skin apart. It was nearly impossible to breathe. I could feel the life being ripped out of me, but I knew, with heart-wrenching certainty, that it was not me that was dying.

* * *

At first Jace made no noise when he collapsed onto his back, but it did not take long for his screams to fill the cavern. It was all I could do not to cover my ears with my hands, to block out the pain ripping him to shreds. I was completely numb, though I knew there was a powerful force surging inside me.

My hand moved at its own accord as my palm pushed against the door. I summoned that energy and pushed, hard, against the metal surface. The door gave a loud groan as its surface rippled like water. I turned away before I could see it teeter to the ground, but I heard it.

Sebastian was struggling to sit up as I sauntered toward him. I swooped down to scoop up Jace's seraph blade as I approached. The silver-haired Shadowhunter was on his feet before I got to him, but I simply flung out my hand and he was flung onto his back again. There was no anger, no grief, no sadness, as I stabbed the blade through Sebastian's shoulder. He screamed, but the sound did not reach me. Releasing the weapon, I waved my fingers and blue sparks sprouted from under Sebastian. The weapon had impaled him, and now the weapon had been bound to the ground, which meant he was not going anywhere anytime soon. Sebastian tried, in vain, to pull the seraph blade out of his shoulder, but the fused weapon did not budge.

I turned and walked past Jace, who was still writhing on the ground, whimpering and gasping for breath. My feet carried me across the room, over the fallen door, and to the foot of the opaque container. My hand reached out in search of the lip of the lid. Upon finding no way to open the container, I held both my hands out beside me, palms outward. There was another rush and swell of power inside me, and a force resembling a gust of wind hit the box. I watched as the container cracked, spider-webbing until, with a loud boom, the sides gave way and exploded in a gush of water and shards.

And I was staring down at him. Alec was on the ground, dark hair plastered to his head and his skin far too pale. Fighting back a sob, I knelt next to him and pulled the tape from his mouth until the loop of silver hung around his neck, frighteningly like a noose.

"A-Alec?" I cupped his face in my hands. "Alec, wake up, baby. It's me. I've got you."

He did not move. Where there was supposed to be a faint jumping in his throat, there was nothing. I called his name again and shook his shoulders. Alec did not respond.

I placed my hand against his chest, directly over his heart, and sent a burst of magic into him through my palm. Alec's body jumped, but he did not wake up. I tried again, putting all my energy into another blast. There was not a flutter of his eyelids, nor was there a flutter of his heart.

"No, no, no, Alec." Tears streamed down my face. "Don't go."

My exhaustion crashed down on me suddenly, bringing with it grief and desperation. I could barely hold myself up as I positioned myself over Alec, placing both hands, one on top of the other, on his ribcage. I flinched as Alec's ribs cracked under the pumping of my arms. Then I tilted his head back and sealed my mouth over his. Plugging his nose, I breathed into him. My eyes never left his face as I switched back to compressions. His only movement was the jostling of his body as I tried to revive him.

I did compressions and breathed into Alec too many times to count. My face was hovering over his when my body finally failed, too exhausted to continue. My cheeks were soaked with my tears, an endless stream of them.

"Wake up, Alec." I wiped my thumb across his cheekbone. " _Please_."

But he didn't wake up. A strangled sob forced its way out of my throat. My muscles seized in protest as I pulled Alec into my lap. I held him against me and rested my cheek on top of his cold, wet hair. Slowly, I rocked us back and forth. I whispered his name, over and over and over.

"I need you," I murmured.

Alec was the only one I'd ever loved; he was the only one who'd ever loved me. He was my everything, my reason for existence. He was my heart, my soul, my reason to smile, my family...

The rocking stopped. My arms trembled. Blinking, I kissed the top of Alec's head and carefully laid him back on the ground. On shaky legs, I got to my feet and began uttering an incantation. There was a moment of hesitation where I did nothing, only stared. Then I looked over my shoulder and down at Alec's lifeless body. It took a long time before I could tear my eyes away and step through the portal.

* * *

The pain had finally stopped. The excruciating waves subsided, leaving only a dull ache and nausea. I tasted blood in my mouth. Aside from Sebastian's grunting, everything was oddly silent.

I pushed myself into a sitting position. My stomach roiled but I managed not to vomit. Sebastian was lying nearby, a seraph blade protruding from his shoulder. After watching him, I could see that he was pinned to the ground by the weapon.

Then it all came rushing back to me.

I looked to the side. The metal door had been knocked clean from its hinges, and the floor in the next room was covered in water and dark shards. Swallowing down my fear, I tried to get to my feet. My knees held me briefly before giving out. I landed on my hands and knees, breathing hard. It was difficult, but I crawled to the doorway with my eyes trained on the floor. When I reached the door, I slowly lifted my eyes.

A soft cry escaped me. My eyes burned and then there was a wetness against my cheeks. Still on all fours, I crawled over to my _parabatai_ 's body. With Magnus nowhere to be seen, Alec was all alone, soaking wet and bound around his hands and feet. A ring of tape was hanging around his neck, which told me Magnus had already tried to revive him. And he'd failed.

I reached out to touch him, but my hand snapped back. Sobbing and shaking, I backed myself against a wall and fisted my hands in my hair. I was afraid to touch him because I knew he was going to feel cold, and that would prove that he was dead. And he was dead because I'd failed to save him...Because I'd _killed_ him.

I cried then. I sobbed and screamed until my throat was raw. Every time I managed to calm myself down, I'd take one look at Alec's body and break down into another fit of hysteria. I was hyperventilating and shaking when my tears finally ran out.

Suddenly there was a moment of clarity. I knew what I had to do, what I wanted to do. My body knew, too, and it responded without limitations as I got to my feet. My footsteps seemed to echo as I exited Alec's tomb and stalked toward Sebastian. When I stood over him, he smiled up at me.

"How does it feel, Jace, knowing that you killed your own _parabatai_?"

Without a word, I lowered myself onto Sebastian and straddled him. When he tried to shake me off, I locked his wrists down at his sides and pinned them under my knees. Then I pulled a knife from my weapons belt.

Sebastian smirked, unfazed. "Come now, Jace. Are you really going to kill me while I'm unarmed?"

I brought the knife down and stabbed him in the stomach. Sebastian gasped, his dark eyes wide. He panted and licked his lips before his cocky grin returned.

"You're a coward," he said. "Our father would be ashamed. He taught you better than to kill like this."

I stabbed him in the chest, right where his lung was. The breath rushed out of him in a whoosh, and then he was wheezing. Blood trickled from the corner of his mouth. I pulled the knife out and watched him, staring down at his face as he struggled to stay alive. The knife pierced his abdomen and I twisted the blade inside of him.

"How does it feel," I hissed after his cry subsided, "not being able to breathe?"

I placed the blade against Sebastian's throat and made a quick slash. His neck separated and released a gush of blood. The warm, dark liquid coated my hands. There was surprise in Sebastian's eyes as he choked and gurgled, more blood oozing from his mouth. And then I was stabbing him, over and over until his torso was a pile of sliced meat and blood. Splatters of blood joined the warmth of tears on my face. I continued to exert my rage on Sebastian long after he was dead. Finally exhausted, the knife fell from my bloody hands and I rose from his body.

I walked back to Alec's body and sat on the floor. I pulled his body into my lap and cradled him. My hands itched to touch Alec's face, but I dared not paint Alec's skin with Sebastian's blood. Alec's skin was pale, pure, too beautiful to be smeared by Sebastian's tainted blood.

I tucked Alec's head under my chin and whispered, "I'm sorry, Alec. I'm sorry."

Suddenly there was a strong gust of wind and Magnus was standing beside me. I stared up at him, surprised. His cat-like eyes widened at the sight of all the blood, but he did not ask where it had come from. He did not _need_ to ask.

Magnus crouched down and grabbed a fistful of the front of my gear, pulling me —and Alec— closer to him. "I don't have long so I need you to listen very carefully."

"What—"

"Don't let him come looking for me. Help him move on. You have to take care of him for me, Jace. Tell him that I loved him and he was my everything."

All I could do was gape at him, incredulous. Magnus released me and placed his hand against Alec's cheek. "I love you," he said, and he bent down to softly kiss Alec's lips. When he pulled back and stood up, Magnus's eyes were glimmering. He said goodbye, so softly I barely heard him, right before his entire body burst into flames.

And then he was gone. Nothing remained of him, not ashes, not clothes, not even a speck of glitter. Before I could even contemplate what had just happened, Alec jerked in my arms. Water spurted from his mouth. He coughed, his eyes flew open, and he _breathed_.

* * *

 

The room was dark, lit only by a lamp on Alec's desk. His shoulders were hunched as he flipped through a book. Occasionally he wrote something down on a notepad before grabbing another volume or turning another page.

I watched from the doorway. From my vantage point I could see the plate of food I'd brought in an hour ago sitting on the desk, untouched. With a sigh I started forward, bracing myself for what was to come.

I stood beside my _parabatai_ and watched as he alternated between scribbling and reading. "Find anything?"

Alec said nothing. He'd barely spoken to me since he'd woken up in the Institute's infirmary. Of course, he'd demanded to know where Magnus was. I'd abided by the warlock's final wishes and told Alec that he was gone, and that Alec was not to search for him. Clearly, the last part hadn't gone over so well.

"You need to eat something," I said.

Again, nothing.

I reached for the book Alec was reading. "Alec, I'm begging you—"

The blade of a knife slammed down against the table right between my fingers. Alec kept his fingers around the handle and glared up at me. "Don't even think about it."

I pulled my hand back, thankfully unscathed. "He made me promise I wouldn't let you look for him, Alec."

My _parabatai_ 's blue eyes were challenging, but the dark circles below were more alarming. "What are you going to do? Tattle to Magnus on me?"

"You have to stop this."

"I'll stop when I find out how to get my boyfriend back. Now, either pick up a book and help me or make yourself scarce, Jace."

"You're scaring me, Alec."

There was a pause and then Alec rose from his chair. "You know what scares me, Jace? The thought of living my life without Magnus. I need him, the same way you need Clary. When I was in that box, I made peace with the knowledge that I was going to die. All I wanted was to not be alone when it happened. Next thing I know, I wake up in the Institute and you tell me that Magnus is gone. And I know it's selfish of me, but I can't help but feel cheated. I was ready to die. I shouldn't have to live without Magnus. I _can't_."

I wanted to embrace Alec, but so far my attempts at physical contact had only pushed him farther away. I could only look at him with sad eyes, pretending that I understood his pain.

With a sigh, I said, "You're right. You shouldn't have to live without him. I'll make a deal with you. Eat something, get some sleep, and I'll help you with researching."

Alec's eyes narrowed. "Really?"

"You're so goddamn stubborn that you won't stop this, so I might as well help you. Just, please, promise me you'll take better care of yourself."

"Okay," Alec said after a moment. "Deal."

I jutted my chin out at the door. "Get out of here. I'll take a look and see if I can find anything."

"Okay."

I watched Alec's back as he trudged from the study. I was grateful that he'd finally agreed to get some sleep, but I couldn't help but notice he'd left the plate of food on the desk.

* * *

 

His skin was pale, almost milky-blue in the moonlight. His face was gaunt, his cheekbones too prominent and his eyes sunken in. Even with him lying down I could see that his clothes were slightly too big for him.

_What are you doing to yourself, Alec?_

An open book was cradled against his chest and his hand was resting limply on the spine. Alec's face was turned toward me, though he was in a deep sleep. Quietly and carefully, I lifted the book from him and set it on his nightstand. Then I pulled the blanket from the foot of the bed and covered him up to his waist. Before I could turn away, I lightly brushed my fingers across his cheek.

I did not have much time. It felt as though my visits were being cut shorter and shorter, and I wondered how long I had until my guard found out that I was sneaking off. Soon enough, one of these visits would end up being my last.

As I turned to walk away, I felt cool fingers slide around my wrist. I stiffened and froze, but when I looked down at Alec he was still asleep.

"Don't go," he whispered, his voice thick and slow from slumber.

The thought that part of him sensed that I was there brought tears to my eyes. I blinked back the prickling sensation and caught Alec's hand in my own. Cautiously, so as not to wake him, I climbed onto the bed beside Alec. Almost instantly he turned into my side and nestled his head against my chest. I gently kissed the top of his head and inhaled his familiar, comforting scent.

"I'm right here, Alec," I whispered, though I could feel myself disappearing, being torn away from him again. "I'll always be here."


	25. Unstoppable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here we are! The last (12) pages of Forever Parabatai! I would like to thank everyone who has given this story a hit, kudos, and/or comment! My writing wouldn't exist if I didn't have anyone to share it with! :) Thank you, thank you, thank you! Enjoy and happy reading!

"Come now, Magnus," the man said. "Am I going to have to suffer through your incessant pouting for the rest of eternity?"

The clinking of metal followed my movements as I turned to face him. The chains around my wrists, ankles, and throat were, in my opinion, overkill. The man had enough power to keep me imprisoned without using physical bonds, but it seemed to please him to make me his captive in every sense of the word.

"If you hate my moping so much why don't you just release me?" I shot back.

The man chuckled. He was seated on a lackluster gold throne; I'd kept my distance from it the moment I'd discovered there were bones of all species mixed in with the hardened gold. But the bones of the deceased did not seem to bother him. He was sitting so his thighs and back were pressed against the armrests, his legs dangling over the side. His long fingers moved with an eerie grace as he plucked the petals from a black rose and tossed them into the air, one by one.

"Oh, don't you fret," he said, his gold-green eyes watching a petal as it fluttered to the ground. "I intend to withhold my end of the bargain and keep you here for a very long time."

I suppressed a groan and turned away from him again. "Lucky me."

"I could send you back if that's what you wish, but you know what will happen to your little Nephilim boy toy the moment our agreement is forfeit."

I shook my head, denying myself even the thought of backing out of our arrangement. The metal collar around my throat pinched my skin and I grimaced, digging my finger under the metal to soothe the sting.

"The chains are a little much, don't you think?" I grumbled.

The man chucked the petal-less, thorny stem to the floor and folded his hands over his middle. "The chains are the result of your own stupidity, Magnus."

"I came back."

"Did you honestly think I was going to continue to allow you to sneak off once I found out? I simply took a precaution to prevent you from escaping."

"I came back," I said again, more forcefully.

"Does it matter? Who's to say you weren't planning on making a run for it? On hiding from me behind your little Nephilim friends? Best to put a stop to those folly ideas before they popped into your head."

"You could have dragged me back here without so much as lifting a finger."

"Magnus." The man rubbed his temples. "If you wanted visitation rights, you should have mentioned it at our hearing."

I remembered the final time I'd managed to sneak away to see Alec. He was sleeping, as I knew he would be. His hair was getting a little long, and I could see dark splotches under his eyes. Alec still looked too thin, but not as starved as the weeks before. Half of me wanted him to open his eyes so I could see his infamous blue irises again, but the other half begged for him to stay asleep, to be peaceful and not ask questions. I'd just reached out to brush my fingers against his cheek when a tight, painful sensation had coiled around my middle. Suddenly I'd been yanked back to my prison, where I met the merciless punishments of knives, beatings, and whips made of fire. I'd only been able to defend myself for so long...

"You want to do something fun?" the man asked, his voice enthusiastic. "Want to have a bowl of ice cream and watch people get burned to death?"

I turned and smiled politely. "I'd like to eat a bowl of ice cream and watch _you_ burn to death."

"Wow, Magnus." His tone feigned hurt, but the grin on his face was wide. "Tell me what you really think."

"Do you ever stop talking?"

"It's been a while since I've had company."

"You don't say. I can't imagine why."

"You're so feisty. Was that why the Shadowhunter hooked up with you? Did he like your feistiness?"

"Shut up," I growled.

"Look around you, sweetheart." The man made a circular motion with his wrist. "You're in Hell. By law you're supposed to be suffering; therefore, you will listen to whatever I have to say."

"Before you start, do you have an ice pick or a fire poker that I can stab myself in the face with?"

"No, but I like your energy. So tell me. What makes little Alexander Lightwood so appealing to you?"

I bit down on my tongue hard enough to taste blood. My legs ached to walk away, but with the chains on I would not get very far. I folded my arms across my chest and made a point of turning my head away, refusing to say a single word.

"Is it his eyes?" the man persisted. "Or perhaps he carries an intriguing rune of some sort..."

I flinched when I immediately thought of Alec's stamina rune. The only one I suspected of having knowledge of that was Camille Belcourt. Had many others thought of it, too? My love for Alec ran deeper than the power from any one rune. A rumor suggesting otherwise was ridiculous and insulting.

"Not going to say anything, Magnus? Not even one little tidbit?"

I kept my mouth shut. He could torture me all he liked. Alec was mine, and I was not about to give this man anything that belonged to us. Not memories, not stories, not adorations, not endearments.

The man whispered icily, "Would it loosen your tongue if I brought Alec here to join us?"

I rounded on him, the memory of an electrical hum buzzing through me. In any other instance, I'd have attacked the man with magic, but the hexed chains I wore rendered me powerless against him. It was a clever curse, really. Stripping me of my magic but not weakening me, forcing me to submit to his torment tactics.

"You will never lay a finger on him," I hissed venomously.

The man drew in a breath and shuddered, savoring the concoction of my rage, devotion, desperation, and pain. "Does Alec get tingly like this when you get angry, Magnus?"

I resisted the urge to spit on the floor.

The man swung his legs off the armrest of the throne and righted himself in his seat before rising to his feet in a smooth motion. He approached me, his stride arrogant and graceful. He adjusted his blood red tie and straightened his suit jacket, which was black with red trim on the lapels. With his back straight and his eyes on me, he shoved his hands into his pockets.

"You can't stop me, you know. I could bring Alec here and do whatever I please with him, and you'd be powerless to stop me."

I was about to bite out a threatening retort when I noticed something change in the man's face. Though his eyes were trained on me, it was as though he was looking _through_ me at something else. His head cocked slightly to the side, like he was listening to something I could not hear. Irritation flashed in his expression. All of a sudden there was a blinding flash of light and a boom like thunder. I shielded my eyes against the white blaze. Crackling noises and a deep rumbling echoed inside my ears. As the light began to fade, I risked lowering my arm so I could see.

A small, dark-haired figure was crouched about twenty feet away. His face remained hidden, but I recognized the messy black hair, the curve of muscular shoulders, and the bow and quiver slung across the figure's back.

"Well, I'll be blessed," the man said, turning to face the still-crouched figure. "We were just talking about you."

* * *

I took a moment to collect myself before I chanced standing up straight. The path through the portal had been rougher than I had anticipated, and now I was left with nausea in my stomach, dizziness in my head, and weakness in my knees. Still bent on one knee, I lifted my face.

The first person I noticed was Magnus, who was staring at me with disbelief. His mouth hung open, and I noticed marks on his face. From a distance I could not tell if the marks were burns, cuts, or bruises. Then I noticed there were more marks on his arms. He was clad in a battered and ripped t-shirt and jeans with holes in the knees. His feet were bare, and he was bound in chains.

My heart ached, but I dragged my eyes from Magnus to the man standing next to him. The resemblance between the two was striking. The man's eyes were a similar color to Magnus's, and shaped like a cat's pupils. Their physiques were roughly the same, but where Magnus's posture was poised and confident, the man's was poised and lethal. Even his hair was intimidating, strands of barbed wire that fell to his shoulders.

"Alexander Lightwood," the man called to me, his voice crisp. "How nice of you to drop in uninvited."

I straightened up and made myself as tall as possible, willing myself to remain balanced and strong on my feet. "Forgive my intrusion. I've come here to speak with you."

My politeness coaxed a smile out of the man. "The weapons you carry say otherwise."

I held up my hands. "For now, the weapons are strictly for my protection."

"For now?" the man repeated.

"Alec," Magnus interrupted urgently. "Get out of here!"

"Hush, Magnus." The man crossed the floor to seat himself on a golden throne. "How is it that you found us here, Alexander? Magnus told me he informed no one of his location."

I chose my next words carefully. "I had some help from a friend. This person gave me a nudge in the right direction, I did some thorough research, and then that person showed me how to find you."

The man tapped his chin, thinking. After a moment, he said, "Catarina Loss."

I failed to mask my surprise and keep my face stoic.

The man's lips tugged into a tight smile. "There are so few who know of Magnus's lineage. I've heard great things about this Catarina Loss. If anyone were to guess where Magnus was and then portal you here, it would be her. How impressive. I would like to meet this woman."

Magnus tugged against his chains. "Alec, _please_ , leave now while you still can."

"Enough, Magnus! It's rude to interrupt." The man waved his hand and five shimmering walls appeared around Magnus, four around him and one overhead. I watched helplessly as Magnus pounded his fists against the walls and called out to me. Not a sound penetrated the transparent box.

Summoning calmness into my voice, I asked, "So you're Asmodeous, Prince of Hell?"

Asmodeous looked at me, amused. "It's nice to finally meet my son's love interest."

I did not know how to respond to that, so I changed the subject. "I'd like to ask something of you."

"Oh?"

"I want you to let Magnus go."

Asmodeous took a deep breath and strummed his fingers on the throne's armrest. "Alexander, if any other Shadowhunter had said that to me, he or she would be lying dead on the ground right now."

I refused to let him intimidate me. "He's not yours to imprison."

"He's my _son_. Not to mention, he made a deal with me. He gave himself willingly to me in order to give you your life back."

"That decision was not his to make."

"Are you saying you'd rather be dead?"

Through the corner of my eye, I could see that Magnus had gone still inside the confinement of the magic walls. There was no doubt that he could hear everything we were saying even though we could not hear him. I dared not look directly at him.

"I was ready to die. I accepted my death. Magnus took that away from me and left me with nothing."

"How romantic." Asmodeous's voice was flat. "I suppose you want me to reverse the transaction?"

"No." I stared him dead in the eye. "I want you to let Magnus and I both walk free."

Asmodeous threw his head back and laughed. "Why would I do that?"

"To show that you're a good father, to show that you have a heart. I'm giving you the chance to redeem yourself."

"You're preaching to the wrong crowd, honey. I think you're looking for a more sentimental place. There's one just north of here called Heaven. You won't find forgiveness and hugs and kisses in Edom."

I'd held on to a sliver of hope that Asmodeous would let Magnus go, but I'd known deep down that he, being a Prince of Hell, would fight tooth and claw to keep his son imprisoned. In my searching for Magnus, I'd dedicated all of my time to reading and hounding anyone who might have the tiniest bit of information to give on his whereabouts. I'd barely slept, eaten, or trained. I knew I was weak in my current state, but Asmodeous was not going to take Magnus from me unscathed.

"I want to challenge you, then."

Asmodeous straightened in his throne. "Come again?"

"I challenge you to a battle of weapons."

"A battle of weapons? Intriguing."

"No magic," I said. "Use whatever else you like, be it bow, blade, or bone. Just no spells of any kind."

His eyes flicked to something over my shoulder. "I see your arsenal is not exactly limited."

My hand automatically dropped to the hilt of my seraph blade hanging at my hip. The bow on my back somehow felt heavier. "Choose as many weapons as you like."

"No matter." The corner of Asmodeous's lips twitched. "I assume the battle ends when first blood is drawn?"

The tone of his voice lead me to believe Asmodeous would only accept one answer. I couldn't help but quickly glance in Magnus's direction. The warlock was staring straight at me, his yellow eyes wide and his hands pressed against the invisible wall. I dragged my eyes away and gripped my seraph blade tighter.

"No. The battle ends when one of us is dead."

Asmodeous watched his son for a moment before measuring my expression. His tone was mocking when he said, "Are you sure you want to do this, Alexander? You're shaking."

I ignored him. "If I win, Magnus will be released from you and he'll come home with me."

"And when I win?"

I bit my tongue against his cocky remark. " _If_ you win, I die and Magnus will remain here."

"How could I pass up such an offer?" Asmodeous rose. "Seeing Magnus mourn over your dead body will be a treat."

"Do we have a deal?"

Asmodeous approached me and shook my outstretched hand. His skin was colder than frozen metal and his grip was stronger than iron. "Challenge accepted."

"May I have a moment to speak with Magnus?"

Asmodeous pulled a thin, thorny vine from his suit pocket and used it to tie his hair back. One barbed wire tendril remained to frame each side of his face. "You may not. I have been generous enough in allowing you to _see_ him for this long."

When his father's back was turned, I stole one last look at Magnus. His eyes were glimmering and he was shaking his head. The expression on his face spoke the words I could not hear: _What have you done?_

Asmodeous stopped at a short distance away from me and twirled round. With a smirk, he stretched out his right hand beside him. There was a burst of orange and red flames, and a sword appeared in his palm. The blade was broad, with dips and grooves along the razor-sharp edge. Two spikes jutted out from the cross guard and followed the blade's path. When Asmodeous turned the sword just right, I noticed the points of the spikes were curved into hooks, perfect for tearing flesh when the sword was ripped out of its victim's body.

I swallowed hard. Compared to that deadly weapon, my seraph blade felt like a skewer.

"Anything else?" I asked.

"No. This is all I require to kill you."

I turned my head to pull my bow free from my shoulders, keeping my face angled away so Asmodeous could not see my fear. "Your loss."

"I'm ready when you are, Shadowhunter," Asmodeous said impatiently.

I closed my eyes and drew in a deep breath. _This is it. Don't feel. Don't think. Just move._

When I opened my eyes, I felt like my body had been possessed by another being. I felt empty inside; my mind was blank, but I knew exactly what I was supposed to do. Quicker than the beat of a heart, I drew two arrows, notched them to my bow, aimed, and fired them straight at Asmodeous. They whistled as they shot through the air, one aimed at his head and the other at his chest.

Asmodeous twisted his body and leaned backward, directly out of the arrows' paths. They sailed past him and cracked against a far wall, landing on the ground with a clatter. Unfazed, I nocked another arrow and let it fly. Asmodeous had to lean in the other direction to avoid it, and as soon as he moved another arrow was leaving my bow. It cut through the air toward his heart. Seconds before it sunk into his flesh, Asmodeous's hand shot out and wrapped around the shaft. I lowered my bow, more amazed than disappointed.

Asmodeous inspected the arrowhead before lifting his eyes to meet mine. With a snide grin, he clenched his fist and snapped the arrow in half. He flung the broken pieces to the floor and strode toward me.

My hand reached over my shoulder for another arrow, but my quiver was empty. I'd only brought a limited number, knowing that if I could not pierce Asmodeous with the first four arrows, I would not pierce him with any at all. And the extra weight would only weigh me down. With an impatient grunt, I shrugged off my quiver and threw my bow to the floor. I unsheathed my seraph blade.

Asmodeous laughed and altered his path to circle around me. "You really think that twig of a sword will hold up against mine?"

I said nothing, just pivoted as he circled me. With a snarl, Asmodeous brought his sword down in an arc. I raised my blade up to meet his. The force of his blow nearly brought me to my knees, but I held my ground and pushed my sword up against his. Before he could pull away, I reached into my weapons belt and withdrew a knife. There was no time for him to avoid my attack. The small blade speared his abdomen to the hilt.

Asmodeous lifted his sword away and stepped back, staring down at the knife. With a steady hand, he reached down and pulled it out. The blade dripped with a dark purple liquid. He hurled it at the floor and glared at me, his eyes filled with not pain, but annoyance. "Ouch."

He lunged at me again, and this time his swing knocked me off balance. I fell onto my side and immediately began rolling out of the way. I heard a bone-rattling clang as Asmodeous's blade struck the ground where my body had been. I pushed myself into a crouch just in time to parry off another attack. His swing knocked me onto my back. I pushed upward with my blade, but his sword slowly inched toward my face. Asmodeous was hovering over me, his feet on either side of my thighs. With as much force as I could muster, I rocked my body and swung my legs up. My feet managed to catch his sides and I used my muscles to clench them tighter. Asmodeous snarled as I brought my legs down, dragging him along with them.

I gasped when his sword lifted away and the pressure was relieved. Asmodeous's sword clanked as it fell from his grasp. But the moment his back hit the ground, he was back on his feet. The fury in his eyes channeled all the hatred and rage in Hell. I barely got into a crouch before Asmodeous's body smacked squarely into mine. The air rushed out of my lungs as I was knocked to my back.

Asmodeous grabbed my seraph blade and wrenched it from my grasp. He threw it aside and backhanded me so hard that specks of light danced in front of my eyes. Before I could blink, he backhanded me on the other side of my face. My breath came in ragged, shallow pants.

Asmodeous grabbed my face and pulled it closer to his. He growled, "Let's give Magnus a show, shall we?"

He released me and my skull cracked against the floor. But before I could even feel that pain, Asmodeous was punching me. His fist found my cheek, my jaw, the corner of my eye. He got up from straddling me and, grabbing me by the hair, hauled me onto my knees. He moved around behind me and positioned his hands on my chin and at the crown of my head.

I swore I could almost hear Magnus screaming from his cage. A burst of rage exploded inside me. Before he could snap my neck, I snatched Asmodeous's wrist and dragged it up to my mouth. Blood gushed into my mouth as I bit into his flesh. Asmodeous howled and released me, yanking his hand away.

I fell onto all fours, retching. The taste of his blood made my stomach roil. Shiny black shoes appeared in my field of vision in front of me. A hand suddenly clamped around my throat and lifted me from the ground. Asmodeous pitched me as if I weighed no more than one of my arrows. A cry escaped me as I hit the ground and I curled in on myself against the pain. As I sprawled onto my back, my hand hit something hard. I turned my head and saw Asmodeous's sword. Hope flared in my chest and I reached for it. But the moment my hand wrapped around the hilt and I tried to lift it, that hope was extinguished. The sword was heavier than I expected, too heavy for me to lift. My strength was holding on by a threat; trying to use the sword would rip what was remaining away. With a grunt, I pulled my arm back and thrust it forward, sending the sword skidding across the floor. It was out of my reach as well as Asmodeous's.

"Foolish Nephilim."

Asmodeous picked me up by my throat and threw me again. When I landed, pain shot up my spine and raced through my arms and legs. I could hear Asmodeous stalking toward me, and every time his feet hit the ground, I felt a throb near the small of my back. Groaning, I slid my hand under my hip. Something hard touched my fingertips...

"I don't need a sword to kill you," Asmodeous snarled. "I'd much rather feel the life drain out of you."

His hand wrapped around my throat and constricted. I gasped and choked as he lifted me from the ground. He did not throw me again, just stared up at me as he held me suspended in the air. I grabbed his wrist with my one hand and felt the warmth of his blood from my bite wound. I opened my mouth, tried to force out words.

Asmodeous lowered me slightly, enough that we were closer but not enough for my feet to touch the floor. "What was that?" He loosened his grip by a fraction.

Despite the darkness closing in on my vision, I smiled. "I...win..."

Asmodeous cocked his head, confused. I clamped my fingers tighter around the object in my hand and swung my arm around. The broken end of the arrow sank into Asmodeous's eye socket with a sickening squishing sound. He screamed and dropped me, his hand pressed against his eye. The arrow's feathers bobbed between his fingers, and ichor and blood oozed down the side of his face.

Just as I got to my feet, Asmodeous began firing magic. With only one eye his aim was inaccurate, but one shot found its mark. A ball of silver flames smacked into my arm. I screamed and hunched forward, cradling the limp extremity against my chest. It felt as though every bone from my shoulder to my fingertips had been shattered. Blinking away tears of pain, I searched the ground frantically for my seraph blade. My heart leapt when I spotted it behind Asmodeous.

His cries of pain were ceaseless and he continued to cast spells at me as I made a break for the seraph blade. My broken arm made it difficult to dodge the bursts of silver, but Asmodeous's impaired sight gave him no advantage. His movements were too slow as I darted around him and snatched up my weapon. He turned and reached for me just when the blade sliced cleanly through his neck.

Asmodeous's screaming suddenly stopped. I found myself staring at one feathered shaft of an arrow and one shocked yellow-green eye. He looked as though he was about to say something, but he collapsed onto his knees and his body fell forward. His head slipped from his neck and rolled when his chest smacked against the floor. Not long after, his body and head burst into flames and shriveled into two piles of ash.

"I said no magic, asshole."

I dropped the seraph blade and turned to face Magnus. He gaped at me, wide-eyed. Neither of us spoke as the glimmering walls around him began to fade. The chains binding him rattled before breaking open and cascading to the floor.

Without realizing it, I was running toward him. And he was running toward me. My legs were shaky and my stride was slow, but Magnus was fast and strong. Suddenly I was in his arms and we were sinking to the floor. My good arm was wrapped around Magnus's neck, holding him tightly. My broken arm was between us, seizing with pain. When he pulled away, I stared at Magnus's lips and did the one thing I wanted to do most. I punched him in the face. Hard.

"You asshole," I seethed.

Magnus rubbed his cheek. "What the hell was that for?"

"You sacrificed yourself for me and left me, then told Jace to help me find someone else? That was a dick move."

He offered a tentative smile. "I thought I was being romantic."

I could not tell if the tears in my eyes were from pain, anger, or happiness. "There's only you, Magnus. There won't ever be anyone else I can love."

Magnus took my face in his hands and kissed me, softly at first then with a longing that made my stomach flutter. He hugged me closer to him as his tongue explored my mouth, but the pressure sent a wave of icy pain through my arm. I sucked in a breath and pulled away.

"Let's get out of here so I can heal you," Magnus said, stroking my cheek gently.

I touched my fingers to one of the injuries on Magnus's face, which I now saw was one of an assortment of burns and cuts. He did not flinch under my touch. Instead he pushed his face against my palm.

"You stopped coming," I whispered.

Magnus tilted his head. "What do you mean?"

"After you were gone. Sometimes when I was sleeping I could feel your presence. It felt like you were right there beside me. Those nights that you were there, there were no nightmares. I felt safe, not tormented. Then you were gone, and you didn't come back."

"I got caught," he said sadly, ashamed.

I grinned. "Luckily I figured it out and came to save your ass."

"I'd like to know how you convinced Jace to let you come alone."

I grimaced. "Jace doesn't exactly know I'm here."

"You didn't tell him?" Magnus exclaimed. "What if you'd died? He'd be worried sick about you!"

"I didn't get that far. I never planned on dying on this rescue mission."

Magnus shook his head. "You're so stupid, Alexander." His brows were furrowed, but he kissed me again instead of scolding me some more.

"Magnus?" I took the warlock's hand in my own.

"Yeah?"

It took me a moment to muster the courage to look him in the eyes. Very quietly I said, "Marry me."

Magnus blinked. "Alexander..."

"Even in death we have a hard time being apart." I laughed nervously. "There's no one else I want to be with. There won't ever be anyone else. Without you, this isn't a life I want to live. Please, Magnus. Marry me."

He said nothing for a long while, which sent my heart into a frenzy. His face was unreadable. He only stared at me. Eventually I had to lower my gaze. Even after all this time of being together, his scrutiny still made me nervous.

Magnus put his finger under my chin and lifted my face until my eyes met his. "Yes."

The breath I'd unknowingly been holding came out in a rush. I sat back on my heels and held my face in my hand. Magnus reached for me, calling out my name in concern. I looked up and saw the confusion on his face when he found that I was laughing, which only made me laugh harder. His lip twitched and then he was laughing too. He scooted forward and enveloped me in his arms, pressing his lips to mine.

In that moment there was no pain. There was no fear. There was only Magnus. With him he brought comfort and happiness and love. He was all I needed. He was my everything. He was mine, and I was his. Forever. There was no rune that could overpower the strength of our love, nor was there a force that could destroy it. Not even death. Our love was unbreakable. Unstoppable. Invincible. Infinite.


End file.
